VDAY

Oops. Wrong Heart.

This is not going to be a post in support or against the holiday of Valentine's Day. I like it some years and I don't on other years. This isn't dependent on my relationship status but just how I feel on the day of. I'm not going to talk about whether or not it is just a corporate construction supported by the gift card makers/Lindt chocolateers/military-prison-industrial complex to appease the masses and boost the economy, if for only one day. I'm sure it probably has elements of this and elements from the original concept of love and dating and romance. *

No, I'm not going to talk about any of that in this post.

What I'm going to talk about is my favorite couple I like to see on this day.

Married couples are cool and you can always spot the married couples with kids by that slightly weary look on their faces. There are the elderly couples which are inspiring on any and every day. The dating folks in their twenties and thirties can be fun to watch but my FAVORITE...my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE?

Teens in love.

I love the awkwardness in the face of the guys and the joy and pride with the girls holding their flowers or their silly, large bears. Teens always walk that border between extreme cockiness and shyness and they turn it up to eleven on this day.

I love it.

I think part of what I like about these pairings is that it reminds me of my own past history of awkward fumbling towards love. As you grow older, the opportunities for first experiences grow smaller. First kisses, first loves, first heartbreak- you'll never get those again. These are important milestones and they are beautiful. I'm both envious of the young for their wide-eyed initial moments of romance and SO GLAD that I don't have to deal with those confusing emotions. Love is lovely and it is sweet when it is first enjoyed, Enjoy it.

And, kids? It gets better as you get older.

That's the proper heart.

*Plus, we all KNOW that the Illuminati are behind all our holidays anyway. STAY WOKE!

Thor Odinson Vs. Norrin Radd

It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog, is an old friend, follows me on Tumblr/Twitter/Instagram or even knows me a little bit that I'm a HUGE geek. I fall into the mostly sci-fi geek tribe nowadays but my base is comic books, like I imagine many people who are also in this tribe. Hell, that was partially how I learned to read. We usually begin as those weird kids who know how Rogue got her basic powers beside power/personality absorption,(1) can tell you who was in the originals Defenders line-up,(2) can name the founding members of the original Legion of Super-Heroes as well as their benefactor(3) and can explain to you the complicated family tree of the Summers family.(4) We grow and get picked on sometimes and sometimes graduate to more mature geeky readings and movies and TV shows, like Lord of The Rings, BSG and The X-Files. Us old geeks were geeky before it was cool to be geeky. We took those early blows so that you gals and guys could be comfortable in your geeky skins now.

You're welcome.

The person I need to thank who helped me (and therefore you neo-geeks) on this geeky path was my father. He showed me the Star Wars trilogy reinforcing the Hero's Journey, praised EightMan and gave me that early taste of anime and loudly talked throughout the premiere of Jurassic Park with the accompanying laughter of a surprisingly predominately Caucasian audience. He did all of this but most importantly he introduced me to comic books. He was an artist and comic books were an art form that could be enjoyed by a wide age-range. It encompassed ALL the possible stories that could be told by mankind, like all good science fiction. From a nerdy teen from Queens who got powers from a radioactive arachnid to a family of explorers fighting a mystical/technological Eastern European dictator to tales of soldiers in Vietnam to humanity fighting aliens in the far future for survival, comic books had it all. We loved them all but our favorites usually came from the Marvel vaults.

My father's favorite was The Mighty Thor. It was Stan Lee, Larry Lieber and The King, Jack Kirby himself, at their most operatic and most bombastic. Many other writers followed but I think the Walter Simonson run was his favorite. It captured the original Journey Into Mystery feel with more flair. It was a story of generations and space gods doing battle with other gods and monsters.

I was meh about the whole thing. Thor was a product of the 1960s to the weird 1980s to me. He was a big, whiny, blonde guy who talked funny and had a hammer. Yes, he was mythic and could bring down great and terrible weather conditions but I already had Storm in the X-Men and she was a foxy Black woman so, there you go. I think my dad liked him because Thor was very much a part of the "epic hero saga." The Odinson's stories were about family issues at their heart and having companions that were fated to play roles until Ragnarök took them all. I think the destiny thing worked for my dad because the actual life people live is not written out by the universe for us. There is comfort in that story, even if your fate is to fall in Ragnarök after defeating the Midgard Serpent Jörmungandr, who ultimately poisons you. It is a doomed end but it is also a noble and heroic one. A "manly end."

I could take or leave this big, flaxen haired warrior when I was younger but dad introduced me to another Lee/Kirby creation. An argent agent of a massive purple humanoid force of nature. The herald of the universal planet eater, Galactus. He was Norrin Radd of doomed Zenn-La, also known as the Silver Surfer.

Yes, he was also a bit whiny but I got his complaints. Thor was a child angry at his father with vast powers and some weird anger issues. The Silver Surfer had legitimate beefs. He was a smart dude yearning to explore on a planet of people that were very comfortable with their condition on an Utopian world. Despite this, he sacrificed his life and soul to save them and the woman he loved. He came to Earth and recognized the nobility of these aliens called humans that were very similar to him. He rebelled against his master, saved another planet of people and was rewarded by being trapped there. He complained a bit but he had adventures still and accepted his conditions with bravery and a stoic, at times, resolve. Plus, he "surfed" and I lived a block from the beach.

I understood this dude.

I liked this dude.

You know who I'm rooting for here, folks.

Norrin was a loner with a broken heart looking for other weirdos who understood him. He was a traveler, always looking for the next lesson, the next adventure. He rebelled against authority. All of these qualities oddly got to me when I was a young kid, before anything similar happened to me.(5) And he kept evolving. He eventually got off of Earth and had crazy space adventures and fought mad gods and teamed up with the angry duo of The Hulk and Namor, who I still say is the dickiest of all characters except maybe Black Adam. They even have similar dickish haircuts but let's move on.

Dicks.

Looking back, maybe the reasons why my dad gravitated to this Nordic space god and I went for the silver rider of cosmic waves were simple. All of the time he was with us dad had family that wasn't really family. I was introduced to people my father grew up with, all his friends. People he loved and treated as family but weren't blood. His family wasn't around or he didn't connect with them or vice versa. I didn't meet any of my father's family until his funeral last month. He has one sibling, a brother, that I've never seen or met but my father would always say that "Sean, you are exactly like him. I had my brother's child." He picked his family and  created his family from his friends and his children that he raised to varying degree. Maybe Thor being pretty much a family saga called out to something deep in his psyche and soul. That feeling of being connected by fate, destiny and blood that he was missing.

All related.

And if that was the case, maybe the opposite was why I liked the Silver Surfer so much. I have a TON of family. Always have and they have, usually, been near or around me. My cousins have lived in the same house as me at a few points or down the street or a couple of blocks away. I've always had an uncle living in the same house with me; I have one doing so right now. My grandmother always lived above me. My younger brother and I are usually in close proximity to each other and my oldest sibling always used to come by and forced me to not sleep in my own bed when I was little. My life has always been lousy with family. (6)

But even with all this family, I've felt alone many times. Not lonely but alone. I've always searched out for more people like me, who shared similar likes and dislikes. My family is filled with smart people but I was always the geeky, weird guy reading the encyclopedia in the empty bathtub. I was the non-fighter of my siblings. The well behaved one. The one who would go down this already prescribed path to success.

I wanted out.

I liked to go exploring. I tried different things. I was the guy who would hop on a plane to try somewhere new or go for a visit to a friend nowhere near me. (7) My sister and her family moving around helped me to scratch my new place itch at times. I moved out to Vegas.

I also loved being around my new like-minded and mostly geeky or nerdy friends. But, I also liked being alone. Going for walks by myself. Sitting at the beach, solo. Exploring the church on campus. Maybe it because I didn't always fit in with my friends either. They seemed more sure of themselves. They were/are certainly cooler than me. I would and still get into my "Sean needs to be alone" moments.

I was Norrin Radd. (8)

Mr. Solo Dolo.

Maybe I'm reading too much into our preferences on who was the better character in these old funny books. I'm no psychologist. I think I might be partially correct about my dad and I feel pretty confident that I'm 90% right about my own self-diagnosis.

Yeah, this seems right.

Either way, I owe that DAD guy a lot. Not just for half my DNA but for the love of this geeky life he gave me. He provided the foundation to build on. I wasn't always his fan and we didn't always see eye to eye on certain things, comic book characters being one of those things, but I always loved the man. That love was expressed in our discussions about who would win in a fight or which characters had the best story arcs or why he loved Lord of the Rings so much and, as he got sicker, what was going on in the universes of four color heroes. It was how we connected, like the way he connected with my other siblings through talking about their kids, or boxing or basketball. Me and my father had comic books, geeky movies, drawing things and the whole landscape of science fiction. 

So far, at least in the movie world, his guy is beating my guy. I like the cinematic Thor WAY more than the Silver Surfer in the Fantastic Four movies. But, I'm not giving up on my guy yet. Maybe someone will do my guy justice. Maybe I'll do him justice because that might be the most important thing I got from my father- a belief that anything was possible. 

Tales could be created and you could bring things into existence if you put enough effort into creating characters, ideas and concepts that people could relate to and adopt for themselves. Thor or Silver Surfer, if you could get behind them as more than characters, could become real in your world. You could give them life like the masters that did it before you.

My father created life through me and his other kids and their kids. He touched the life of his wife in immeasurable ways. He was a beloved man by his friends and co-workers and pretty much anyone that encountered him. He might not have realized all his dreams but he is certainly inspiring me right now to go after mine. I'll always love him for that.

Thanks, Dad. I won't bust Thor's chops (too much) anymore, for you. Maybe we'll meet again, pass the rainbow bridge Bifrost and Heimdall's all-seeing eyes in Valhalla, in eternal Asgard. (9)

I can imagine it. I owe you that.

(1) She absorbed Carol Danvers powers AKA Ms. Marvel, who is now Captain Marvel and got her powers from a Kree device and took her name from Mar-Vell, also know as Capt. Marvel. Ms. Marvel is now Kamala Khan.

(2) Dr. Strange, Namor and the Hulk. Some people often include Silver Surfer but he wasn't in the original mission versus The Nameless One and The Undying Ones.

(3) Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl and Lightning Boy(Lad). I guess you can include Superboy in there if you want. They were financed by RJ Brande.

(4) Do you have a few hours and a whiteboard?

(5) Well, maybe I was always a loner looking for "my people" but definitely no real heartbreak then. That didn't happen until like 6th grade when I was old and experienced.

(6) I mean "lousy" in the best way, guys. I love you all.

(7) Living on the last stop on the A train helped with that as well.

(8) I might still be Norrin Radd. I dunno.

(9) And Heimdall is a Black dude in our version too.

Being Grateful

I have it in my head what I want this post to be about but it may stray from that. I'll try to keep on topic. I've been up for a long time. (I also started writing it a while ago as you will see by the date)

So, today is Thanksgiving and it also happens to be my birthday. This means that it's a holiday so people are generally with their family and, you can ask anyone with a birthday on a holiday or big event, you learn quickly to not expect much. I took it as an opportunity to be by myself, go to the parade and think.

What my thinking got me was this post here.

I'm very thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for my family too, mostly but they know that.
I fear that I don't express my thankfulness for my friends enough. It's slightly easier to stay connected nowadays but it seems harder to connect. I "talk" to my friends a lot but that generally consists of text messages, IMs, tweets and leaving posts on their walls for my friends who are now or were always long-distance buddies. I'm only marginally better with my at home friends, I feel. We meet up maybe once or twice a month and they buy me drinks and we try to remain current with our lives while swaying drunkenly to beats. It's good but I could do better.

My friends are the best people in the world and they deserve better.

I'm broke right now and have been for awhile. Blame the economy, lack of educational standards in comparison with my peers, lack of jobs I'm good at that will employ me... whatever. I've been broke for awhile and if my friends weren't who they were I couldn't have enjoyed many a night.

I know they enjoy making their friends happy and a lot of them have been my friends for years so remember a time when I could buy a bottle like it was nothing and none of them will complain about getting me a beer but I still feel like shite when it happens. I shouldn't or I shouldn't TOTALLY feel that way but there it is.

Crazier situation- I've made a friend on Facebook a while ago. We became friends just because we shared the same name and eventually learned that we have overlapping geeky interests. This dude is awesome and a good guy to, again, "talk" to, as are a lot of my "internet friends."* What makes him more awesome is that he sent me movie tickets, twice, just because. This guy knows me but he doesn't know me like my other pals and he took it upon himself to just send movie tickets to a guy in another state with the same name because a) he thought a movie was good and I should see it and b)it was my birthday on the second occasion. **

And maybe that's what friendship is- taking a chance on some dude not being a jerk and enjoying their random happiness and hoping that they are appreciative. My fear is that because of my current condition my appreciation for ALL MY FRIENDS and ALL THE THINGS THEY DO isn't as explicit or at the level I want it to be. I'm positive that they know I'm grateful; I just want them to know the degree that I'm grateful for their existence. These are great folks and I can't begin to show my joy they have in my life with a bottle of wine that I can't currently afford.

SO, I make them this promise-

My first born or free copies of all my future works.

The former is highly unlikely as that I'm currently single and definitely not "mingling" like I want*** but the latter is definitely doable and I have a list of people who automatically get my stuff gratis.

This is the best I can do while I'm currently freelancing and without any of my lottery dreams coming true. I do hope it's enough and I'm sure it will be because my friends are stupendous and are selfless individuals who see things in me that I don't sometimes recognize or believe, love me and I love back with the power of ten thousand suns.



*I hate saying "internet friends" like it makes someone a lesser friend, especially now in 2014.
**I should also add c)because he is a great soul but that goes without saying I think.
***Plus, who really wants this deal except for Rumpelstiltskin. 

Grindin'

This is my nephew.

He's a senior in high school.

He's taller and cooler than me.

I'm old.

so...

Will really update whenever I get home later today but what's going on with me?

Well...

-Dad is back in the hospital. Been there pretty much all week but I wasn't informed until 2 AM on Thursday morning. They are unsure of what exactly is wrong this time and are still running tests. He is in isolation and so I have to wear a mask and gloves when I see him.

I totally got sidelined while I searched for this by THIS. I'm simple.

This type of activity has been going on for awhile and doesn't get easier. This is particularly true because outside of his wife I'm the one that sees him and so he shares all the melancholy with me that he won't tell anyone else. It gets kinda heavy especially as his health doesn't improve; it just becomes bearable.

-Airing out my room since the plumbing in my house decided to crap out and back all the pipes up yesterday. Me and my uncle figured out what the problem was so no plumber was necessary (which was good) but since all the pipes are connected in the grand scheme of things, I had to clean some interesting stuff out my shower (which was HORRIBLE).

So my morning was just this. Fail.

-Still trying to get my personal statement perfect. You know, for someone who shares pretty freely on this thing, writing that is tougher than I expected.

-Cleaned out the shed with my brother yesterday. That came about because while I was dealing with the plumbing I was looking for a wet-vac out there. I found two of them. With no hoses. Pissed me off so I finally went through the place with my brother and organized my family's hoarder stash. Massive job.

Yes, I just called my aunt Smaug. What of it?

-Still having to force myself from e-mailing/texting my friend I "broke up" with. My timing is always impeccable and the person I would discuss all of the above with is the person I can't/shouldn't talk with. Plus, I only am in steady communication with only two of my friends right now so that makes things even better. I'm a winner like that.

They are no amused by my whining or my sarcasm.

I appreciate my one friend who reads this (one of the aforementioned "two") and all the random Latvians and Russians who stumble onto my page but it's not the same.* I miss her although it was the right call to make, hopefully.

So, that's a quick rundown of some of what's been up with me recently. Not happy about it all but I've gotten some good advice recently...

I can do this all day, sucka.

How have y'all been? I'm looking at you, Vlad in Moscow.


*But I do like saying I'm a big deal in Latvia nowadays because it makes me sound like Dr. Doom a bit.**
**"I will always be your better, Richards. You cannot hope to defeat DOOM!!!!"

No One Wants To Be A Red Shirt*

*that title makes no sense and really doesn't even relate to this post but whatever, I haven't slept yet

It's early and I'm usually up around this time since I walk my mom to the bus pretty much daily. I should be going back to sleep or trying to get some since I have work today and sleep is just good for you. I had planned on sleeping but thinking about a current situation made me get up and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. So, here we are and I just drunk a Red Bull Blue Edition which has no effect on me except making me want to pee but I enjoy the taste so let's see what I can get down before my body knocks me out. It may be more rambling than usual so I apologize in advance. This is pretty stream of consciousness right now.

Meek Mill's yelling will have to do the job these won't.

I've been thinking about a lot of my relationships recently, including the one that made me leave the comfort of my bed. I've also been on a personal hiatus from dealing with people. This is a result of a few factors- needing a human break, figuring out how much effort others would put into our relationship when I stopped doing most of the heavy lifting*, recommitting myself to my New Year's goal of being more selfish and generally trying to get my shite together.

My New Year's goal has been going pretty piss poor. I HAVE been doing better than previous years, especially in these last 2 or 3 months but I have still been overextending myself for the people I care about and even a few who I'm "ehhhh" about. I blame it mostly on my upbringing. Although my younger years had craziness, I was raised by people who taught me to generally not be an asshole and look out for people. I've found that people I know are mostly good and it's kind of hard to break my habit of being there for others, even at my own expense.

But frak all of that! I'm going to still look out for people but I'm keeping the balance better and I come before anyone else, except my mom who is awesome.

So, selfishness is back in full motherfuckin' effect! Wait. It can't be back since it wasn't really here to begin with. I mean, selfishness is going down! (basement)

In addition to that, I have to admit something. I've been reading biographies and self-help books for awhile now. Like TWO YEARS "awhile." I think it comes from me trying to figure out me and find a solution for problems I encounter in life. I've never done this before because I've been more of a "free spirit"** and since I've been less flighty I've been trying to find my center.

Only kids and childish movie viewers like me will get this.

I've been looking for words of wisdom, good advice from successful people, bad advice from screw-ups,*** ideas on finding peace/"the way"/happiness. Hell, I even did a tarot reading and I REALLY don't believe in that voodoo shite. But, we all gotta pay "stupid tax" from time to time. It's why the lottery still exists.****

Anyway, I came to two conclusions from all of this motivational introspection and heavy reading-

1) There is some good universal advice. Universal truths do exist about certain things.

2) Everyone finds their own way to happiness. 

The first conclusion has helped me adjust some things in how approach people and situations. I have even started to compile the wisdom most helpful to me in a little leather book to get me through. It's my bible for remaining calm and finding the proper path for me.

No, really. I really did do this. Ask to see it if you see me.

The second conclusion is even more important. We all have different goals and have to get there in our own ways. And I know what you are thinking because I thought it as soon as I typed that sentence- "Duh. No shit, Sherlock." The thing is I know this and you know this but during those dark moments when we doubt ourselves or those horrible instances where we are envious of someone else's success/contentment, we often forget that simple fact. We can't live others' lives, we wouldn't want to if we knew what bullshit they had to deal with in their heads and very rarely is someone else's idea of happiness the same as ours. 

And with knowing and relearning both these facts you gotta sometimes make hard calls. It may be changing your focus or choosing a new path. It may be extricating yourself from a relationship or situation that's not beneficial to you. It may be reaffirming your commitment to a project/relationship/plan even when others doubt you. It may be making yourself less available to others and becoming more selfish. It may be being alone. It may be looking for a new tribe to hang with. It may be doing nothing because you are already happy on your current path.*****

Ultimately, you have to choose what's best for you and what's going to bring you your particular brand of happiness. The world turns whether you are content or not but the merry-go-round is less bumpy when you have joy in your soul.

Okay. My babbling in this post is done. I'm actually feeling better about everything and I think this post wasn't TOO terrible but I haven't reread it. Hold on.

Yeah.

Whatever. It is what it is.

Be happy, folks.

*answer-not a lot

**my pal once called me a "hippie", another called me a "man-whore." Both were valid calls, ref

***which is overlooked but is HIGHLY educational

****I'm highly pissed I loss last night's PowerBall and can't travel the world training like Bruce Wayne

*****fuck you. no, seriously, go to hell, you lucky bastard (joking...mostly)

I Still Don't Understand Women

Yeah. The title pretty much says it.

That's all.

Well, you can make that "don't understand PEOPLE" to be truly accurate but I'm just talking about women right now.

Just sayin'.

The Most Interesting Man In The World*

*or the closest thing to it in the group of dudes I know

"Let's say that there's an event and people around me get invited and I'm not invited. Some part of me will feel like a failure. How can you not? The real me knows that it's just an event, but doubt enters my mind about why I'm not there. Is it because I'm not good enough?"
- Questlove, Mo' Meta Blues

I have a friend from high school who is living the life. Actually, I have a few friends from high school who are living the life but this guy is perhaps the closest in what people that are single would consider "the life." He travels a great deal, always is up for a good time, gets me involved in shenanigans so noteworthy I have to scroll through photos on my phone from the night before to gain an accurate view of what happened, Memento style*, and he is never without a pretty and/or cool lady around.

So, this guy but younger and blacker.

What always amazes me is the fact that he always contacts me to hang out when we are in the same town. I mean I used to be a real barrel of monkeys and can still be pretty chill but I'm DEFINITELY am a Triple-A player compared to his Yankees level party abilities. So, I think about it and what it means because, really, what better way to enjoy time with someone than to WAY over-think it and question yourself being in that moment? Or am I the only one?

Then I look at my other friends and see similar effects. If there is an event involving alcohol and music, then I get the call. It's like I'm the catalyst to up the ante or continue the party or break out "the shark fin."** Or be "the black guy at the party."

The flip side to this and what I have been noticing more recently is that I'm very rarely invited to just chill events or sometimes I don't even hear from my friends unless something is needed or a party is going down. This is due to a lot of factors I think, including but not limited to my friends getting married, having kids, working on life dream moves.... basically, a lot of things I think the world believes I should be doing at my age.*** And I understand. I totally get it. I understand if I'm not invited to the couples outing or people getting busy working on something that they don't just holler out of the blue.

It doesn't mean it's not frustrating or disheartening. I would like the random "wassup with you?" text, especially if you are just asking what is going on with me with no other reason behind it. For the most part, I'll probably respond and then ask you the same and you can complain/brag all you want afterwards anyway. I like to hear about people's lives, if they aren't boring as shite. Hell, I even like random e-mails that are funny; it at least tells me this person was thinking about something interesting/funny and thought about me.

I actually looked at my e-mails for the last week or so and after I cut out spam, e-mail blasts (do people still call them that?) and e-mail threads I started, I think I had maybe 2 e-mails from someone not wanting me to do something for them and just saying "hey" or "look at this."

This is reading as whiny to me but I do feel sort of forgotten at times and even if that isn't reality, the feelings still remain. I honestly don't mind being alone and sometimes appreciate but I also feel lonely during those moments when I think about my pals and how I don't hear from them in the same volume. People change and grow and evolve and live their lives. I get it. It just sucks a bit when you feel and fear that those people you care about are outgrowing you.

Okay. That was depressing and more sad at the end than I really feel. I don't age like Hancock but I'm sure someone would pick me up from a hospital. Preferably Charlize Theron. But that feeling of being a part of the world but separate and lonely at times? I get that.

Anyway, that's my sad sack moment for the night. I'm sure once I get busier and back on course about some things, I'll feel better. Don't cry for me, Internet. Just recognize that sometimes a friend just needs another friend to give them a shout for no reason. It makes them feel better and will probably do the same for you.


*I seriously only kind of remember the 2008 Election Night in LV and only pieced that together from phone pics.
**Inside joke; sorry, I'll try not to do that again. It's too much to explain; well, not really but I'm just lazy about it right now.
***I actually am trying on these fronts, trust me...except for the kid thing. Wrap it up, kids!

New Readers- FYI

Just so you know, this blog is encapsulated in the following gif:

That is all.

Perfect-ish

Lone Wolf

I was going to post something today and I probably will late tonight/early tomorrow after work. Instead life occurred. In the meantime, peruse this astrological description of me. I really don't believe in horoscopes, although some are eerily accurate. This is one of them in my opinion. I had this book and it was fun to ask my friend's their birthdays and then compare the description to them. Is mine on point? I thought it was at least close. Let me know and check your own if you want.

November 28th- The Day of The Lone Wolf-

Descriptive words- natural, contradictory, profound, emotionally sensitive, confused, dogmatic


Personality of The Day of the Lone Wolf-
        The highly intense individuals born on November 28 must pursue their own course. Living paradoxes, those born on this day are complex individuals who never cease to amaze their family and friends with their unique combination of aggression and sensitivity. Their ideology is extremely important to them, but it can change in a bewildering fashion, its twists and turns leading through a maze of irony and high seriousness. For example, it may be difficult to determine whether a November 28 individual is conservative or radical, right- or left-wing, an upholder of the social order or anarchic rebel. Ultimately such terms have little meaning in reference to November 28 thought patterns, which must be understood on their own terms.

     Although November 28 people appear to others as physical types, the primary thrust of their day is mental, even intellectual. No matter what their walk of life or profession, they can often be found arguing their case, refusing to submit to any ready-made dogmas or belief systems. They are basically self-taught thinkers, and for many, school is at best an annoyance and at worst an imprisonment. They have a strong penchant to take the opposing point of view due to their resistance to absolute statements and generalizations of all types.

     November 28 people enjoy pointed humor, and will use wit and irony as powerful weapons against their opponents and also as a means to clarify and give shape to their own views. Most often, however, they make an impression of forthright seriousness. Emotionally, November 28 people are usually caught up in their own personal maelstrom. Romantic relationships may surface with frequency, but those born on this day have enormous difficulties in maintaining stability in this area.

     Their friendships, on the other hand, are usually rock-solid, and highly meaningful. Those who are involved with them will never forget the experience—difficult, maddening, recalcitrant and paradoxical, they go their own way and do their own thing. For example, they can be among the most generous of individuals and yet at other times the most selfish. Often their goodness and true nature is more easily understood by animals and small children, on a purely intuitive level, than by a critical, analytical adult mind. A love of nature and of the animal world is in fact sacred to them, being their one constant refuge from disappointing and uncertain human experiences.

     Perhaps the greatest problem for November 28 people is coming to understand themselves, and being able to straighten out their complex, difficult personalities. Usually it is seething emotions which keep them from viewing themselves in a more objective light. Many born on this day use their work as an escape from what seems an excessive self-involvement. Concerning the four major faculties of perception—intellect, emotion, intuition, sensation—a titanic effort must be made by November 28 people to bring these into balance. Only then can they progress in their personal development and come to terms with the society around them.

VALID?

Kryptonite

DISCLAIMER: I don't want this to come off as mopey and if I write it correctly, it shouldn't. This is just, as always, something that I'm thinking about and things that happened and what I thought/felt about them with limited filter. If it comes off as anything other than me writing and working through stuff, well, NO ONE TOLD YOUR ARSE TO READ IT ANYWAY, DUDE! Joking. Just joking. I just don't want to be seen as Moe Mopeystein, I hate that guy.* I'm really a joy to be around. Just ask my mom or (some of) the ladies I vaguely describe in the following.

I've had three girlfriends in my life. Okay. Let me clarify. I know three women who, if pressed, would say that they were at one time romantically attached to me. This is not to say that I haven't dated others (not many), hooked up with others (too many?) or just had magical, perfect moments with others (far too few) but I've only had three ladies that would say "I was in an exclusive relationship with that handsome and witty fellow." Or at least that's what they would say when I hear it in my head.
I could have had more or different girlfriends. Or I would like to believe that. There have been moments in my past where either fear or the thought that the grass was greener or not being mature enough has stopped me. From that time in 3rd grade where I turned down being Rebound BF Kid to my weird dealing with interracial attractions in high school to most recently agreeing not to tempt fate with a powerful friendship, I've passed or have been convinced to pass on some potential relationships. Some may have even turned out to be good in the long run but you really can't cry over what-ifs as a grown-up, which I'm, sorta, am.
So, instead, let me do a quick rundown on actual girlfriends I've actually had. This is how I recall these going down but my historical viewpoint might be skewed due to time and me wanting to look good.

High School Girlfriend- I went out with this young lady for a short time. She was my first real girlfriend. I believe she asked out a couple of my friends first before she got around to me. This is not to say she was bad for that because a) teenagers are assholes and b) I think I started dating her because all my other friends had girls at the time too and who wanted to be that single guy with the wifed up friends (like I am now). I was a bit of a follower and succumbed to peer pressure about some things back then. I can't even describe the shite I consumed just from dares. 

Plus, she had LARGE boobs. Like I said teens are assholes.

Anyway, this skips over the fact that she was generally cool but I was not mentally prepared to go out with a girl I only kinda liked. We lived far from each other, I think she had an idea of romance in her head that wasn't "hot" for a teenage guy who thought way too much with his penis and, honestly, I had a crush on another girl that I did nothing about throughout most of high school. It wasn't fair to either of us and we ultimately broke up. 

We're in contact through FB off and on now.

Fun Fact- Her dad scared the shite out of me. I think this helped me with my approach to male family members later.

College Girlfriend- This was the first girl that I admitted out loud to that I really cared about. Okay, I said it in a letter but that should give me some points, right? Anyway, this relationship was based on jokes, actually liking each others company and putting in a bit of an effort. She was cute, intelligent and a smart-ass, which are three things that sit on the top of my attraction list. It was fun times for me and that wasn't just do to the copious amounts of weed being used back then.

She was also my first real indication that I had a bit of a savior complex. She was in a relationship with a shitty guy and I tried to be extra relaxed and not rushing because of that and to make her feel better. I thought I was still pretty open with my feelings with her but she told me recently that she wasn't really sure at times how I felt about us. It was my old lack of the proper expression of emotions coming back to bite me in my arse again.

This one fell apart when I didn't return to school for a semester and she found someone else. One of my pals told me the news randomly in an elevator at school. I was upset but I became an expert at taking those feelings and assassinating them.

We are still pals and she gives me good advice when I actually share what is going on with me.

Fun Fact- I really wasn't a huge fan of the dude she went out with after me. He seemed like a dick and did dickish things. My friends became his friends though, which is frakked if I really think about it.

Worklife Girlfriend- I was the boss and she was an employee. Or I was at least a supervisor at times to her. I was at least a few years older than her and should have known better. This relationship occurred in the midst of my partying twenty-somethings days, which is the PERFECT time to be in a committed relationship with someone, right? I know. I'm a smart boy.

With our age difference we had very little to talk about besides work and our relationship. She also couldn't go to the same places as me. So, I'd come over to her place drunk from a club before sunrise and that was when most of our relationship happened. We did go out on a few actual dates but it was not going to go well from the jump. I was her first "adult" relationship and it was a big responsibility that I failed at.

We should have listened to her cousin when he asked us "Are y'all sure?" Broke up after a party for her mom's birthday. Told you, I failed at the responsibility. Don't act so surprised.

We were friends on FB in that we were on each other's friends' list but we only talked once in a blue moon. Or maybe a chartreuse one. Heard she is doing well.

Fun Fact- Although we didn't last, my two friends who started dating/hooking up on the same night are still together all these years later.

As I write all of this, I know I'm skipping over a lot of important ladies. I'm not just talking about my straight up platonic friends who are awesome or family members, who educate me just by me observing them and their interactions. I also mean the single hook-up girls, the drunk women I've made out with and the two or so women I've had a friendly, sexual but non-dating relationship with who may have taught me the most. You can really learn about the thought process and bad knowledge we have about the opposite gender when you talk to someone that you only have a mainly physical relationship with.

"I think you should wait on calling that dude.  You deserve better, f-buddy."

Which brings me to my most important non-familial and not just platonic female relationship...

This one has taken many twists and turns that I will not delve into here at this time. Suffice to say, it began like some weirdly contrived rom-com and has definitely has not arrived where I think it will go but that's part of the maddening fun. We're close friends with a HUGE layer of weirdness developed over several years to almost married couple levels. We both have issues that need to be worked on but I think our fight/love back and forth has helped us both. It's not bad, this weirdness. It comes from loving each other immensely. I think this relationship has been particularly trying at times for me because of the issue of love. Love is a big word for me and I don't say it aloud a lot. It's not that I don't possess love for people- friends, family, attractive strippers- I was just not raised in the type of environment with hugs, hand holding, greetings in the AM and saying "I love you." Curtis gets me.

To say "I love you" to someone who was not a female relative openly to someone was a big step for me. Those words are still major to me, so much that when people use it freely I still at times find myself thinking they don't value the power behind it as much as I do. I know this is untrue with the people I know but I said it before- I got issues.

This is probably why this relationship is very important to me. I would confront some of my issues as I age anyway, I would hope, but I like doing it this way with someone who is with me on this journey. We have different paths figuring out what is best for ourselves but we take a lot of our route, if not together, then as support for each other. 

And no matter how many flippant remarks or complaints I drop when I'm frustrated, I am very happy that I have this person in my life and I'm sure (she better) feel the same way. **

And if not, well, that's the thing about life, right? It goes on until it doesn't.

*I'm not antisemitic; I just thought Mopeystein was a funny last name. I respect the Jewish faith and have love for all my Abrahamic brothers and sisters. Y'all know this. L'chaim, kid!

**This, just this is SOOO close to us.

Friendly reminder

WORD.

2013

That is all.

TWEETYOURSIXTEENYEAROLDSELF

I just found out that #tweetyoursixteenyearoldself is a trending topic on Twitter. I have too much to tell my old self for 140 characters to work. Instead I just wrote a blog post for that kid. I would have included a pic for this but my scanner is playing games and I kinda looked like Dookie from The Wire in my yearbook pic. (Hey, we all were pretty funny looking as teens)
Here is just good advice for old me, new me, my future kids and maybe even you....

-observe what the world wants but don't try to fit in
-girls, ladies, females, women, chicas- you'll never understand. that doesn't mean not to try but don't kill yourself in the process. most of them aren't as complicated as they think anyway.
-being smart only goes so far
-being stupid goes even a shorter distance
-don't get a girlfriend just because your friends do
-follow your own path but also be like your friends, particularly in regards to a work ethic and especially that kid Eryan
-try harder, in everything
-you won't be a famous rapper or athlete; get creative
-anyway, you're gonna be angry at rappers in about a decade or so, so there's that
-ease up on your teachers. they have a tough job. maybe you'll find out more about it personally one day
-that girl you like? just ask her out. if you don't, you'll regret it. don't worry what people say. time goes by and people's memories are generally short. you'll only regret what you didn't do not what you did
-Oh, yeah. you'll feel this way about 2 to 3 other women at least. if she says no, it's not the end of the world. you'll survive
-you'll also meet girls you only kinda like and make out with them so that'll soften the blow a bit.
-being called Usher? USE IT.
-DON'T drink the tequila
-BAD WOLF (that's a geeky joke you'll get one frakkin'* day)
-Say what you feel and mean what you say
-Rock will be taller than you. by about a half foot. deal with it
-listen to Relle. sure she can be irritating now but she has been places you are going and has good advice
-most of the people you think are douchey now and you don't like probably won't be the same in a few years. give them a chance and the quiet ones too
-you won't be the same in a few years as well
-WARNING! some people who are douchey now are STILL douchey in 2010. figure out how to ask me and I'll give you the names.
-Try not to date girls with too many female friends. NEVER date a girl with NO female friends
-your dad may not be the best but he does have some okay advice sometimes
-DON'T give weapons to your little brother
-pay attention to the internet. it's gonna be huge. and annoying. and a time burglar
-By the way, Y2K? Bullshit.
-don't lie to impress people. it's cliche but be yourself. trust me it works
-move to Las Vegas for awhile. Or at last visit a lot and try to also live alone. it'll help you grow
-don't be afraid to be different but don't be different JUST to be different
-don't look for enemies or people to hate you. it sounds ridiculous but people in the future LOVE this. Yup, it's as silly as it sounds
-write down any idea you have. even if you think it's goofy. save it. look at it later
-keep drawing
-don't stop believing. not only a good song but good advice
-"Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and that then allows you to learn something new."
-that quote above is from Barack Obama. Our BLACK president. No shit. I swear to God, kid.
-don't be afraid to tell people you love 'em. it's not "gay"
-also, stop saying things are "gay". it's pretty immature and offensive. Do you really care what people do with their lives? No? That's what I thought. Let other people be happy. You'll have a lot of gay friends one day. And by the way, Doogie Howser? TOTALLY gay and HIGH-larious as hell. Trust me on this one. NPH is KING!
-sometimes it's okay to fight. just choose the right battles. just a tip- fight for people you care about? good. fights while drinking? bad.
-take up a hobby. maybe a sport
-don't be afraid- of failure, success or dogs
-try new things
-go to different places
-believe in something, even if it's just yourself


*you'll get this too

Talkin' Bout My Generation

Ahhh, Fall.

I like fall.

The leaves turn pretty colors. The summer heat begins to abate and it no longer feels like Hades outside. I can rock hoodies, which I love because I look good in hoodies and they make me look bigger. Pretty new college students sneaking into bars and clubs that I can look at like a creepy old man. Yes. Good times.

But maybe the real reason I like fall is the beginning of a new television season.

Now, this might not mean much to those who never had television turn off at a certain time of the day, who never had only about five channels to watch or don't remember not having a summer season. But it still means a good deal to me. Fall season starting for television means my old favorites like Fringe and Community are coming back. It also heralds the start of new series that I might waste my time on, such as Lone Star or Boardwalk Empire.

It also means that there are also shows that I'm avoiding like the plague- The Event(LOST multiplied by 4400;no thanks), Mike & Molly (you describe yourself as a fat-com and I'm out) and finally, My Generation.


Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure this is a fine show for some people and the people on it are good actors. I'm just not going to watch it right now. This just seems like television about remembering the "good ol' days" of high school. The time when we were all dumb and hopeful. That's fine and I love watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek but I don't want to compare that against the cold reality of adulthood. All the dashed hopes and dreams unachieved.

For example, from what I can tell from the commercial it appears one couple got married because they got pregnant and the husband enlisted to support them, killing his athletic dreams. I admit that that is dramatic but it is also a bit of a downer.

I watch television generally as an escape from the mundane and this series hits a tad too close to home. Maybe that is saying too much about my life's course and my bad decisions but at the end of it all I'm gonna have to take a pass on this show for now.

Maybe I'll catch it after they cancel it like I did with October Road.

I'll probably watch that No Ordinary Family show though. Sure, it's pretty much just The Incredibles (which was just the Fantatic Four) but it'll be a cheesy distraction for like three weeks.

Just FYI

Sparkly Vampires and Ethnic Werewolves

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT

Stephenie Meyer writes the dreams of teenage girls and that speaks to grown women. Just ask my female friends. It is because we are all still 14 at heart. We are all pretty much still that scared. embarrassed, awkward person we were in junior high school or high school until we become fearless. Most of us aren't or don't achieve that which is why these books/movies are a hit

I don't think she is alone in this. A lot of things capitolize on this thinking. Rom coms do it (and I love em) but everyone knows it's bs and it's not as stalkerish or weird as the weird teen fiction that is pushed by this.

I just think that what teenage girls like isnt healthy. That's why they have entire talk shows devoted to their poor decision making.

END TRANSMISSION...

John Hughes and The Loners

The Loners, a Marvel comic book series by C.B. Cebulski and drawn by Karl Moline, had covers by artist Jason Pearson. They were all homages to John Hughes movies. Check the rest out below.

RIP, Mr. Hughes. Thank you for starting me back down the writing road again and making one of my favorite movies- Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

V- Day Advice

Don't do this. Seriously.
(I do #2 like an arse sometimes)

Happy V-Day to all the ladies in the world!