Right Now I'm Stuck In The Library Scene in Finding Forrester

Sitting here at the end of a slowly ending and declining day. It started out well enough but has now went into le toilet and there will, I think, be repercussions from it.

With this all going on I receive e-mails from two people.
One is an e-mail from a friend for the past 11 years. She is sharing with me something that would only interest me and her out of all of our shared group of friends. We are both fans of a show that would probably be only acceptable for her to watch but I love also. (Okay, it's Dawson's Creek- my taste in TV tends to lean toward geeky nerd, NYC sarcastic ass or teenage white girl) It's a pretty basic exchange but it perks me up because I haven't heard from her in a minute and it is always good to talk about something you and another person like.
The other message comes from an old co-worker. She is someone who I got along with relatively well with at my job although I had closer attachments to others. It is good to hear from her because it is a diversion from my current life and it is easy like Sunday morning.

These two messages perked me up but not enough to dismiss the realities of my situation. I thought I would be getting paid tomorrow but just learned that checks won't clear until Monday. Now, I wasn't expecting a huge amount anyway but I had calculated where the pittance I was receiving was going this weekend- mainly to pay off some stuff, get food and a new pair of work pants and maybe some change to drink with a visiting friend.

Well, that plan is over.

And, really, it is my fault for my spending recently and I would be kicking myself in the arse for that normally but not this time.
Sure, I spent a little bit more than usual recently but it was for my sanity I believe. I HAD to get away. I could have stayed here and been fine right now as far as money but I probably would have choked/punched/SNAPPED!/spazzed on someone in the process. So, I went away for a few days.

The trip was worth it. I saw two of the closest people in my life and two of the maybe 2 handfuls of people who can make me feel alright about myself (outside of my own cocky self). One is a friend who I have known for about 18 years or so. He is one of the trio of best friends that was formed back in the summer of our 6th grade year and there was a time when I saw him more often than I didn't. He doesn't judge and gives good advice and I look at him for the proper way to approach a few things in life.
The other person is one who I haven't known as long but has become invaluable to me and is near the top of the list of all the people who I love in the world. Even when she frustrates the shite out of me (which is a good amount of the time but not as much as most folks think), I still am glad to just be in her presence. And the frustration comes from the truth that I don't necessarily want to always hear (mostly).

So, yeah I could have saved that money but forget it. I needed that release. It's slowing up hanging out with my other best friend from my little trio this weekend but I should figure something out. And really friends are great because you can be broke just sitting there and it's cool. (Or I at least I hope it will be for him because I have flies in the pocket currently)

What started out as a good day that became craptacular has just become somewhat bearable again and I have good vibes for the rest of the time this week. Should be getting some good news from at least one person tonight. Monday will come and reveal its secrets and hopefully they will be good. This changes around some of my plans but my goals remain the same and it gives me a lens to look at my own reality, my own maelstrom and see what needs to be truly accomplished.

Gods, that was a lot and hopefully made some sense. Sometimes you can't Twitter things, E. I needed more than 160 characters for this one, folks.

Enjoy your weeks/weekends and have a shot for me.

Never Forget....

well, I almost did. my bad. sometimes forget things for a second living out in the desert.

My Blood Is Part Asphalt

I would make a horrible vampire. Not that I'm planning on it (or that it's even possible) and not for any of the reasons you may think. I'm not particularly freaked out by blood at all, although I like my meat well-done. I could be fine with sleeping the days away and even though most vampires in stories dress funny I could even get around that. No, my problem would stem from ennui (or boredom for those who can't be bothered to crack a dictionary).

Anyone that knows me knows that there are few things that have the capacity to keep my interest for any significant amount of time. I get bored with people, things and, especially, places very quickly. I might be able to get past the first two items (I mean, I do have friends that I have known for almost two decades, met one woman I would maybe put up with and there is a small list of things I would be upset to lose) but the last thing, places, is a major issue for me to deal with. I haven't been to many places as compared to some folks but I have visited and lived in some places to form a half-assed opinion of them. So, here is a list of a few places and how I would fare/think about them (and apologies if this is where you grew up or you live here or you love this place but this is my page, so SUCK IT)--

Portland, Maine- cold and then really hot in the summer. went their for sports camp in the summer after 8th grade. I felt that me and my boy that I went with may have doubled the black population there for the summer. COULD NOT live there. Stephen King can have that ENTIRE state for himself.

Phenix City, Alabama- got cousins that live there. drove there twice. idea of a good time? walking around, smoking, going to the local burger joint and the random motel party. Yeah. Pass.

Jarvisburg, North Kackalacka(sorry, only gonna do that one time)- my family's ancestral home. spent a few summers here as a kid. good times then but don't think it would have the same charms especially with the loss of certain individuals that made my time there fun. plus, sandburrs can get pretty frakkin' annoying and don't really like random ass snakes lurking. good times otherwise. peaceful but I'm a city boy at heart. I need buildings. tall buildings. really tall buildings. sort of like they scrape the sky.

Fayetteville, North Carolina(told you, I'm a man of my word)- went here to stay with my sis and her fam while I was going through a strange time in my life. would not live here. the mall is decent but nada but gun shops, bars, tattoo parlors, pawn shops and check cashing places around. so basically almost any area around a military base not in a big city.

Macon, Georgia- lived here for like a year. See Fayetteville and just add that I was bent here every weekend or left to go to ATL or NYC as much as possible.

Atlanta, Georgia- (or Hotlanta for all you lames out there) nice city. a little bit materialistic in certain areas. enjoyed the scene when I visited but it seems a crazy amount of people are moving here and basically changing it into mini-versions of their cities. wouldn't live here just because my stubborn nature makes sure I don't follow the crowd.

Savannah, Georgia- didn't spend a great deal of time here but the little time I did I enjoyed it. Very nice and scenic. might be a nice place to raise a family in my forties. would have to go back to form a real opinion.

Austin, Texas- again, like Savannah, didn't spend a lot of time here but enjoyed it. seemed really hip for Texas but not in an arrogantly asshole way (like Williamsburg, BK gets sometimes). interesting to see how I would deal with it at my current age.

San Antonio, Texas- not gonna bad-mouth this place too much because my nephew was born here and it was like the first place I played Resident Evil and was actually a little scared while playing. plus, there was a Jack In The Crack right across the street from where my sister lived. Oreo shakes held me down even if the mustache on the chick serving them gave me the heebie-jeebies. mornings were blazing hot so my jog/run in the morning plans quickly fell apart. this city, oustide of the Alamo, seems to have just taken pieces of other cities and place it in the hot ass Southwest. not a fan. maybe good to get away for a weekend or week but nothing more than that.

New York City(,son)- my hometown. LOVE this place but I can't live there. at least not right now. too expensive and crazy. or at least my old neighborhood has gotten crazier and it wasn't exactly sane to begin with. I like the vibe at home though, the rude but real people, the diversity, the options and the easy access afforded to me by a good transit system. NYC is the basis on how I rate other places and my requirements to live there. like an old lover, it has a good place in my heart but unsure if I can rekindle that flame for some long-time romance. miss you, baby....

Poughkeepsie, Albany and any other place in Upstate New York- I spent the most time in Poughkeepsie out of all of these places but they all share similar problems for me- they are cold, kinda slow and ultimately not NYC. it's like being in a room next door to a hot girl you like and having to entertain her dull, less attractive friends. maybe I'm being too hard on these spots but that's how I feel about them. least they ain't Jersey though. (yeah, I said it.)

Fort Walton Beach, Florida- relatively near Panama City Beach, this place is just made for the military base there and spring breakers. spent a day there when me, my friend and my brother drove down there to leave him my sister's car when they left the country. nice outlet set-up but would get bored with that party and bullshit and drink some more lifestyle. I'll give Florida another chance whenever I get the chance to get down to Miami.

Tokyo, Japan- again, this one is thanks to my brother-in-law being in the military. went there for like a month and change and enjoyed my time there. walked around with limited knowledge of the Japanese language and was still cool. like the train system, the people varied between stand-offish and very helpful and there was plenty to do. sort of like a really bright Downtown Brooklyn/Midtown Manhattan. don't know how long I could actually live here but it would be one of the places I would give a chance.

Montreal, Canada- went here the same summer I was in Maine. maybe it was because I was in 8th/9th grade going to strip joints, drinking liks in the streets or the fact that it wasn't Maine, but I had a good time here. would like to get back to check it out, if only for a visit.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and Washington, D.C.- been to these places a few times. alright places but I can never get a real read off of them. feels like I'm sitting in that really nice living room where you aren't supposed to touch anything and you have to sit on that plastic. very old and white or black and tough. reminds me- need to go to the actual state of Washington. have family there and my sis said I would like Seattle.

Baltimore, Maryland- had a cousin that lived here and been here a few times for old jobs. uhhhh....yeah. liked it but really watch The Wire and that is this place at night off of the main good streets. Liks are cheap though.

New Haven, Connecticut- see Philly and D.C.

Boston, Massachusetts- HELL NO! this is NYC multiplied by racism, sports obsession and horrible accents. I was here for a random St. Pat's day. not a good look. nope. nuh-uh.

San Francisco, California- told my sister she would love this place. very scenic, positive and progressive. I like this place but I need more craziness outside of their general homeless craziness. could probably deal with it if I could go to NYC or somewhere for a weekend every once in a while. maybe I could visit the rest of Cali while there too. sort of ridiculous that I haven't been to Los Angeles yet seeing as it's four hours away.

Chicago, Illinois- so far this has been one of my places to go and it's not just because two of my three best friends currently live there. it reminds me of NYC but is different enough to be good. hard to explain that. don't know how I feel about chilling at the beach near a highway but I still really like this place.

Las Vegas, Nevada- my current residence. been here for about two years. really liked hanging out here and it's like one of the BEST places for a vacation for the weekend or the week. once you become a local though, some of that shite wears off. it also might have something to do with me getting older but my drive to party it up has slowed down out here. I moved out here with the intent to not spend the rest of my time out here anyway (would NOT raise a family out here) but there are things I still like about this place. nice weather, entertainment is good and new people everyday. it's too transient for me and the fact that most of my friends that were out here are gone/are leaving are taking some of the shine off this place. add to that that I don't think this city has found its "soul" like other cities and I cannot see myself out here past the age of 30.

This list is small, I'm omitting a few small towns I spent varying degrees of time in and hopefully I'll get some more places to add to my passport and mental map but this is where I stand right now. Need to find that right place for me.
Maybe that's why vampires seem so distant, surly and lonely in stories. Maybe they haven't found their place to be truly happy yet. Just a thought.