Thursday, September 11, 2008

Right Now I'm Stuck In The Library Scene in Finding Forrester

Sitting here at the end of a slowly ending and declining day. It started out well enough but has now went into le toilet and there will, I think, be repercussions from it.

With this all going on I receive e-mails from two people.
One is an e-mail from a friend for the past 11 years. She is sharing with me something that would only interest me and her out of all of our shared group of friends. We are both fans of a show that would probably be only acceptable for her to watch but I love also. (Okay, it's Dawson's Creek- my taste in TV tends to lean toward geeky nerd, NYC sarcastic ass or teenage white girl) It's a pretty basic exchange but it perks me up because I haven't heard from her in a minute and it is always good to talk about something you and another person like.
The other message comes from an old co-worker. She is someone who I got along with relatively well with at my job although I had closer attachments to others. It is good to hear from her because it is a diversion from my current life and it is easy like Sunday morning.

These two messages perked me up but not enough to dismiss the realities of my situation. I thought I would be getting paid tomorrow but just learned that checks won't clear until Monday. Now, I wasn't expecting a huge amount anyway but I had calculated where the pittance I was receiving was going this weekend- mainly to pay off some stuff, get food and a new pair of work pants and maybe some change to drink with a visiting friend.

Well, that plan is over.

And, really, it is my fault for my spending recently and I would be kicking myself in the arse for that normally but not this time.
Sure, I spent a little bit more than usual recently but it was for my sanity I believe. I HAD to get away. I could have stayed here and been fine right now as far as money but I probably would have choked/punched/SNAPPED!/spazzed on someone in the process. So, I went away for a few days.

The trip was worth it. I saw two of the closest people in my life and two of the maybe 2 handfuls of people who can make me feel alright about myself (outside of my own cocky self). One is a friend who I have known for about 18 years or so. He is one of the trio of best friends that was formed back in the summer of our 6th grade year and there was a time when I saw him more often than I didn't. He doesn't judge and gives good advice and I look at him for the proper way to approach a few things in life.
The other person is one who I haven't known as long but has become invaluable to me and is near the top of the list of all the people who I love in the world. Even when she frustrates the shite out of me (which is a good amount of the time but not as much as most folks think), I still am glad to just be in her presence. And the frustration comes from the truth that I don't necessarily want to always hear (mostly).

So, yeah I could have saved that money but forget it. I needed that release. It's slowing up hanging out with my other best friend from my little trio this weekend but I should figure something out. And really friends are great because you can be broke just sitting there and it's cool. (Or I at least I hope it will be for him because I have flies in the pocket currently)

What started out as a good day that became craptacular has just become somewhat bearable again and I have good vibes for the rest of the time this week. Should be getting some good news from at least one person tonight. Monday will come and reveal its secrets and hopefully they will be good. This changes around some of my plans but my goals remain the same and it gives me a lens to look at my own reality, my own maelstrom and see what needs to be truly accomplished.

Gods, that was a lot and hopefully made some sense. Sometimes you can't Twitter things, E. I needed more than 160 characters for this one, folks.

Enjoy your weeks/weekends and have a shot for me.

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