tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81168784794545608672024-03-05T03:24:20.889-08:00Caged TherapyWhy Caged Therapy? A threefold reason-
1) too broke to afford real therapy
2) most people want to talk, few want to listen
3) hate repeating myself
....Did I just say that?SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-50969568508172435552018-10-13T22:17:00.000-07:002018-10-13T22:17:20.459-07:00MaMy mom is in the hospital and I can't sleep.<br />
<br />
My mom is in the hospital and I should sleep.<br />
<br />
My mom is in the hospital and I need to think positive thoughts. I've had a very adult child conversation with my sister and brother on the phone that took me to a very sad and, because it's me, angry place. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts and I'm trying to. I'm trying to so hard that it's making me not sleep. So, I'm going to do one of the things I do when I can't do what I want to do and just spill words out.<br />
<br />
This is about my mother. Actually, this is about me but I'm part of my mother and we have become so much alike in adulthood that even the things that aren't her can be described in opposition to her character.<br />
<br />
I've been having dark thoughts even before this evening when I got that call from my brother. He, my mother and my uncle traveled down to DC to surprise my sister and brother-in-law for their birthdays. They were aided in this scheme by smart niece. This is already after we had all spent a long weekend together with family members and the shenanigans that included. We got back Monday and I went back to work and the dark thoughts crept back in. They are always there on the periphery and often come up when I'm around family and friends. The thoughts are like a dark mirror that shows me how I've screwed up or continuing to screw up almost every aspect of my life. This week those thoughts went into overdrive. I think it was because I was alone and had all this time to myself to think about me in comparison with others. It's not healthy but I do it and I'm sure others do as well.<br />
<br />
I recounted all the mistakes I've made, the foolhardy choices I picked for myself and the sheer laziness and sometimes lack of motivation that has made me arrive at this moment in my soon to be 39 year lifespan. It's not even that I feel bad for myself it's that I know or at least feel my choices have had the ripple effect of touching the lives of those close to me, particularly my family.<br />
<br />
This is why this is about my mother.<br />
<br />
Those negative thoughts come from my mother. Stop. I'm not saying she is a negative person or would ever put that burden on me. What I'm saying is that those burdens I imagine are probably the same ones she imagines. My mother is the savior of my family. When there is something to be done, she does it. She figures out solutions and is tough and will protect and care for the people around her. To the detriment of herself at times. My mother is the woman that can't relax. Even in retirement she is go-Go-GO. She doesn't ask for help and will power through anything. I've seen her go to work after slipping on ice and busting up her leg. She helped run this past reunion weekend with a bad back and woke up to make breakfast for others daily while doing it. She does all this even when other people say that they can help out and she SHOULD listen and relax.<br />
<br />
That is why this is about my mother. That is why this is about me.<br />
<br />
I possess the same stubborn and weird Superman complex. I don't necessarily worry too much about myself but if someone needs help (family, friend, student, etc.) I'll break my neck to do it. I'm the guy who will stay and prepare stuff for the next day. I'm the friend you can call to help you move or talk about your problems with at pretty much anytime. I'm the guy who tries to keep group projects working even when I know I could be doing something to benefit me, I need a break and/or it's a bit of a losing battle. These are all aspects of me that I get from my mother. These are also the things that invite in those dark thoughts. Am I doing enough? Can I pass on this so someone else can get it? Why am I asking someone else for help when I can figure out a way to do this on my own?<br />
<br />
Combine those thoughts with an adult who is pretty much only doing well in the job section of his life (and even that is iffy) and you get a person who is living with dark moments. A lot.<br />
<br />
Which brings me back to the beginning...<br />
<br />
My mom is in the hospital and I can't sleep.<br />
<br />
The dark thoughts are competing with themselves right now. On one hand, I'm thinking the worst but on the other hand I'm also thinking that I have to keep my shit together for everyone else in case the worst happens. And something brilliant is happening. The latter thoughts are gaining power and I remember how stubborn my mother is. How much of a damn fighter she could be. I've seen her chase grown men with shovels and drag men who have been shot in the face into the safety of our house. I fear very little thanks to being around this brave heroine my whole life. She was the one that is dependable and strong and will do anything to support and stand by us. I can do the same. I'm here because she was tough when I came into this world and it wasn't looking good for me. She gave me that power to fight and I can give her that energy right back in return. We are both folks that beat the odds. She'll do it again.<br />
<br />
So, yeah, my mom is in the hospital, I can't sleep but I'm going to let being positive and hopeful be the reason I remain awake.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-70331828551693830532015-05-26T14:35:00.001-07:002015-05-26T14:35:31.596-07:00Tuesday TMI TagTrying to recapture some steam and I find doing something that requires little thinking and just getting the fingers and muscles moving helps sometimes. With that in mind I decide to answer one of these TMI things. I found this one on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVy_qHDVLpg">Hannah Harto's YouTube Channel</a> and after changing a few questions that don't apply to me, I answered 50 questions. Enjoy.<br />
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<br />
<i><b>What are you wearing?</b></i>- It's hot today in NYC but I'm rocking a light hoodie, jeans, and boots because I really don't plan on going outside or far for the remainder of this day. Maybe after the sun sets. So I'm wearing my "Spring Usual."<br />
<i><b>Have you ever been in love?-</b></i> I think so. If not, pretty damn close.<br />
<i><b>Have you ever had a terrible breakup?-</b></i> Not on my part. Okay. That sounds dickish but I really don't think so. I also don't think it has been terrible on the other person's side either, although one was probably more pissed at me then the others.<br />
<b><i>How tall are you?-</i></b> 6' or 182.88 cm, if you don't live in this crazy country.<br />
<i><b>How much do you weigh?-</b></i> I'm floating around 192 lbs/87 kilos nowadays.<br />
<b><i>Do you have any tattoos?-</i></b> 6. All on my upper arms/shoulders. I might get a few more to complete a half sleeve on one arm and to cover up one but nothing more than that.<br />
<b><i>Any piercings?-</i></b> No. Never had any in my life. I'm not a real big piercing dude which is weird because I don't mind needles but I've just never been a fan, even on others that much.<br />
<b><i>OTP?-</i></b> <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OneTruePairing">One True Pairing.</a> Hmm. Dunno. I guess I'll stick with comic books for this one like I normally do and say Kate Bishop/Hawkeye and Eli Bradley/Patriot. Think those crazy kids could have worked it out.<br />
<b><i>What's your favorite television show?-</i></b> Of all time is probably Married With Children. I can still quote most episodes. Currently it's Orphan Black.<br />
<b><i>What is your favorite band?-</i></b> I listen to a lot of hip-hop and R& B but I'll say the band that I probably enjoy the most is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-IB6yO_8Uk">Foster The People</a>.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">What is something you miss?- </i>My good knees. Joking. I don't know. I miss people but something... Maybe my boundless optimism.<br />
<b><i>What is your favorite song?-</i></b> Currently it's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z938ya2fbPo">Alright</a> by Kendrick Lamar but the combo of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=korlItQ0Yy0">Run To The Sun/Stay Together </a>by NERD is definitely an all-time contender.<br />
<b><i>How old are you?- </i></b>35 years young.<br />
<b><i>What's your Zodiac sign?-</i></b> <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2008/11/year-older.html">Sagittarius</a><br />
<b><i>What quality do you look for in a partner?-</i></b> I'm gonna assume this means qualities, plural, and give my basics- honesty, intelligence, humor, loyalty, compassion and passion. And curves.<br />
<b><i>What is your favorite quote?-</i></b> "What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have."- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marina_Keegan">Marina Keegan</a> This was written for 22 year olds graduating college but I think it's important to always remember this. She lost her life in a car crash five days after saying this but she definitely was going at life correctly.<br />
<b><i>Who is your favorite actor?-</i></b> Tough call. My go to is usually Brad Pitt but he always plays the same roles and isn't the best. My current top three are Denzel Washington, Tatiana Maslany and Charlize Theron.<br />
<b><i>What is your favorite color?-</i></b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJLfCBBcZAo">Blue.</a><br />
<b><i>Do you prefer loud music or soft music?-</i></b> Weird question. I'm going to go generally with soft unless I'm outside at an event. Yeah, totally depends on venue and company or lack thereof.<br />
<b><i>Where do you go when you are sad?-</i></b> On walks. No particular place lately but it used to be the beach.<br />
<b><i>How long does it take you to shower?-</i></b> About 8 minutes but this varies.<br />
<b><i>How long does it take you to get ready?-</i></b> 25 minutes about. Depends on preparation.<br />
<b><i>Ever been involved in a physical fight?- </i></b>Yup. Nothing at all recent and the later ones were just me intervening for someone.<br />
<i><b>Turn on?- </b></i>Brains. Do with that what you will.<br />
<b><i>Turn off?-</i></b> Lack of brains.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">How many siblings do you have?- </i>Time to break out the abacus. Frak it. Just gonna keep it as simple as possible. 6. I'm gonna go with 6.<br />
<b><i>Fears?-</i></b> That I won't succeed and will disappoint folks. Or, conversely, I'll change my life to satisfy others at my own emotional distress.<br />
<b><i>The last thing that made you cry?-</i></b> Don't remember what made me outright weep but watching The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete made me misty.<br />
<b><i>When was the last time you said you love someone?-</i></b> This morning. Texts count right?<br />
<b style="font-style: italic;">Where is your favorite place to relax?- </b>This can be almost anywhere and it depends on the company or if I want to be alone. The benches on the boardwalk near Beach 20th St. in Far Rockaway can still work I believe. Even when it is drizzling. Maybe it's the familiarity.<br />
<i><b>What was the last book you read?- </b></i>Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone. It's a book about magic and gods and deathless kings and the law. So, oobviously, right up my alley.<br />
<b><i>What book are you currently reading?-</i></b> West Of Jesus by Steven Kotler, It's about spirituality and the brain and the quest for a shared story. Or, as it says on the cover, "Surfing, Science and the Origins of Belief." That's more accurate than my description I guess. Good so far. Very good.<br />
<b><i>What was the last show you watched?- </i></b>Broad City season finale. I'm going through my ridiculously full DVR. I should be WAY more productive with the amount of shows I don't watch.<br />
<b><i>Who was the last person you talked to?-</i></b> My grandmother because we are in the same area, both on computers.<br />
<b><i>What is the relationship with the last person you texted?-</i></b> Complicated? No. Actually, it's pretty simple; I think we just make it more complicated than it needs to be and distance is definitely a factor in that. Think people generally overcomplicate the important things when those should be the simplest at their core.<br />
<b><i>What is your favorite food?-</i></b> Burgers or salmon.<br />
<b><i>Where is a place that you would want to visit?- </i></b>New Zealand or Brazil.<br />
<b><i>Where was the last place you were?-</i></b> Library. No, the bodega. Need to go to the laundry though.<br />
<b><i>Do you have a crush?-</i></b> See the text question about 4 questions back,<br />
<b><i>When was your last kiss?-</i></b> Geez. Been awhile for a non-platonic or non-familial one. If we are talking about the platonic/familial variety, then Sunday and my grandniece.<br />
<b><i>When was the last time you were insulted?-</i></b> Don't even remember. Sure my friends have jokingly dissed me but I can't think of a serious insult.<br />
<i><b>What is your favorite flavor of sweets?-</b></i> Chocolate anything<br />
<i><b>What instruments do you play?-</b></i> None. Wait. Beatbox. Horrible beatbox.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">Who is your favorite fictional character?- </i>Wow. This is hard. I'll just go with the first person that popped into my head- Kara "Starbuck" Thrace from the newest version of BSG. This will probably change if I think about it but I'm going to stick with that answer.<br />
<b><i>What was the last sport you played?-</i></b> Maybe basketball. I need to get active, cuz.<br />
<b><i>What was the last song I sang?-</i></b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqw2ssbOn-M">What I Do</a> by Young Jeezy.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">Are you religious?- </i>I would say that I'm not. I definitely don't adhere to The Big Three out here and don't think that a higher power is looking out for me or has "a plan" for me. I do see the pluses of Buddhism and don't want to be an atheist. I would like to believe in some entity that is smarter than us or at least an universe that has some long run purpose even if I'll or anyone will ever know what it is. I DO believe in the good underpinnings of religion and the idea of community and The Golden Rule which seems to be the central pillar of all things good about the religious path. Wish more people believed in that core tenet. The world would be cooler, dude.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;">What superpower would you choose?- </i>I used to go with superstrength or flight when I was little and then either superspeed or telekinesis lately. Truthfully, it would be chronokinesis or time-travel. I would try to see the creation of the universe and change some choices I made, maybe give advice to a younger me or go to the future. And, yeah, I'd probably kill Hitler and hope that doesn't make everything worse.<br />
<b><i>When was the last time you hung out with anyone?-</i></b> Anyone? Niece and her kid on Sunday. Party status was Saturday for a celebration of my newly(ish) wedded friends at a cocktail party that I did not hate at all which is unusual for me. It was probably because it was laid-back, good food, non-fake conversations and <a href="https://twitter.com/thequeenmajesty">Queen Majesty</a> and <a href="https://instagram.com/djevildee/">DJ Evil Dee</a> spinning for the night. Also at my<a href="http://www.thebellhouseny.com/"> usual spot</a> to hang out at.<br />
<b><i>Who should answer these questions next?-</i></b> <b><span style="font-size: large;">YOU!</span></b> Let me know your answers. Hit me up.<br />
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-23861858904736678032015-02-14T13:16:00.004-08:002015-02-14T13:17:25.378-08:00VDAY<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZva1ZxlXCQkmobp7FR84ItodFvdb_K2aRU4k7-EOTXxMArLx7Lp6IrBBEb3OkyJTz0xbY2CAVNeyJST9g72FpRE34k7Q1pg6Do-mS-dIVWEPR1U-MVBzbAqDI697MQ_IcYyUSIa1Fv0c/s1600/heartvday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZva1ZxlXCQkmobp7FR84ItodFvdb_K2aRU4k7-EOTXxMArLx7Lp6IrBBEb3OkyJTz0xbY2CAVNeyJST9g72FpRE34k7Q1pg6Do-mS-dIVWEPR1U-MVBzbAqDI697MQ_IcYyUSIa1Fv0c/s1600/heartvday.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oops. Wrong Heart.</td></tr>
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This is not going to be a post in support or against the holiday of Valentine's Day. I like it some years and I don't on other years. This isn't dependent on my relationship status but just how I feel on the day of. I'm not going to talk about whether or not it is just a corporate construction supported by the gift card makers/Lindt chocolateers/military-prison-industrial complex to appease the masses and boost the economy, if for only one day. I'm sure it probably has elements of this and elements from the original concept of love and dating and romance. *<br />
<br />
No, I'm not going to talk about any of that in this post.<br />
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What I'm going to talk about is my favorite couple I like to see on this day.<br />
<br />
Married couples are cool and you can always spot the married couples with kids by that slightly weary look on their faces. There are the elderly couples which are inspiring on any and every day. The dating folks in their twenties and thirties can be fun to watch but my <i>FAVORITE</i>...my <i>ABSOLUTE FAVORITE</i>?<br />
<br />
Teens in love.<br />
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I love the awkwardness in the face of the guys and the joy and pride with the girls holding their flowers or their silly, large bears. Teens always walk that border between extreme cockiness and shyness and they turn it up to eleven on this day.<br />
<br />
I love it.<br />
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I think part of what I like about these pairings is that it reminds me of my own past history of awkward fumbling towards love. As you grow older, the opportunities for first experiences grow smaller. First kisses, first loves, first heartbreak- you'll never get those again. These are important milestones and they are beautiful. I'm both envious of the young for their wide-eyed initial moments of romance and SO GLAD that I don't have to deal with those confusing emotions. Love is lovely and it is sweet when it is first enjoyed, Enjoy it.<br />
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And, kids? It gets better as you get older.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxieTqJXzZgSL-xvxWO_ScDj1VT2e3ShI_Ih_HoB2pxjhCFpYLHeWz2A8mJ8pmmS5kUSUZmh5Wd9VsxneLxen4UZ5Kee3y0sGpLLg-_OwWE_I_9poWk3UxjYpz6cALJAXKx2oNBqidsts/s1600/hearthands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxieTqJXzZgSL-xvxWO_ScDj1VT2e3ShI_Ih_HoB2pxjhCFpYLHeWz2A8mJ8pmmS5kUSUZmh5Wd9VsxneLxen4UZ5Kee3y0sGpLLg-_OwWE_I_9poWk3UxjYpz6cALJAXKx2oNBqidsts/s1600/hearthands.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's the proper heart.</td></tr>
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<b><i>*Plus, we all KNOW that the Illuminati are behind all our holidays anyway. STAY WOKE!</i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-31900119647048039452015-02-12T20:00:00.002-08:002015-02-15T10:42:02.060-08:00February SweepsI decided to take off February. I was working less this month and the preceding months (and years) have been other people heavy. Even when I am out having fun it was usually the result of meeting up for someone else's event/benefit/thing.* I also have been doing extra work looking after people or just picking up the slack because I feed into that "if I don't do it..." mentality a lot of the time which is stupid. It's the way I have been built.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8rJBFvd-JjbszUEhq33Y7FjB7gRIrcPSu-vCFsxDeO6daV4HvT7n3g57IELCpGBEw3EdQWaJEB22YboaFpU_xU41b7qYUFv1wvzoX0MruuQdtqVjffvxMAJd3JBTrRSX0YsaW33jW0DE/s1600/sexrobsean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8rJBFvd-JjbszUEhq33Y7FjB7gRIrcPSu-vCFsxDeO6daV4HvT7n3g57IELCpGBEw3EdQWaJEB22YboaFpU_xU41b7qYUFv1wvzoX0MruuQdtqVjffvxMAJd3JBTrRSX0YsaW33jW0DE/s1600/sexrobsean.jpg" height="320" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Like a sexy Terminator with a Marty McFly fashion sense.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
So I decided to make this February the Month Of Me. I would focus on starting to adopt habits that would make me a better person- emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually. I would try to become a better adult and work hard at moving from the back of the pack. I would also focus less on others. The only exceptions would be for my mother, those who can't care for themselves (babies, kids and animals I encounter) and anything I had already agreed to before this month began. No new promises. No new agenda.<br />
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Also, I would catch up on my DVR shows.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK9KrfVVU4RVOkSnMzHX4Z9Eqx6KFjm6TvM9DH72tcx3_OJrw78NWf1ax_7pJlti8foGG7C3ZmVfHR5sHk8yAo8dpLcx_jafKde8yns3OSueAQkWwgS7_Cw_LiPsQkNQYQ338WW6vkm1k/s1600/orphanblackban.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK9KrfVVU4RVOkSnMzHX4Z9Eqx6KFjm6TvM9DH72tcx3_OJrw78NWf1ax_7pJlti8foGG7C3ZmVfHR5sHk8yAo8dpLcx_jafKde8yns3OSueAQkWwgS7_Cw_LiPsQkNQYQ338WW6vkm1k/s1600/orphanblackban.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, how I miss you...</td></tr>
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Have I've been successful? Moderately. A lot of the time it has involved putting my phone on Do Not Disturb or turning it off completely, fighting my urge to respond to things immediately that aren't work/money related and generally ignoring non-Sean stuff. It's hard and I backslide at times. When you care about folks it's hard to turn it all off, particularly when those folks are screw-ups and/or extremely anxious. But it's necessary.<br />
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This is not to say that I'm not thinking about others. My friends are definitely a source of determination and dedication and my family is a source of strength.** I'm inspired by what they have accomplished and their focus. They're amazing and I plan to become as amazing one day soon.<br />
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I'm happy with how I'm proceeding but I need to go harder. I have to get back in shape** and meditate more and just push forward without trying to have dreams about what might be. I think it will all come together but I gotta keep up the work. Keep my head down and go forward.<br />
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<b><i>*This is only partially true. When I'm hanging with my friends, it's because I love them and enjoy their company. But I also many times feel like I'm out because they want to be there and not me.</i></b><br />
<b><i>**The non-crazy ones.</i></b><br />
<b><i>***Some would say not back BUT finally in shape.</i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-47514445558915968942015-02-12T14:15:00.003-08:002015-02-12T15:46:22.651-08:00The Doppler Effect*The other day I ran into a doppelganger of my younger brother a few blocks from my home. Logically I knew it couldn't be him as soon as I saw him. My brother was at work and in a totally different borough. But this guy walked exactly like him. They were about the same height and coloring. They possessed the same gait. The outfit this guy had on looked similar to something that my brother would wear, if a tad bit baggier than his usual taste. He was even loudly singing along to rap music.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Basically a taller, lighter version of Tyrese in 1994.</td></tr>
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Like I said I knew it wasn't my brother but as I passed this guy a thought passed through my head- "Wow. Another one."<br />
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You see, this wasn't the first person I encountered in my travel that possessed more than a passing resemblance to someone I know. I've seen versions of my friends walking in Midtown, hustling to places in the cold weather of the Northeast, riding on the J train and waiting with me at bus stops. I've known it wasn't them because we didn't acknowledge each other as familiar and most of the time the person they looked like was out of town so it couldn't be them.<br />
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The scariest is when I see old black men nowadays. Not all black men but certain older black men instantly make me think of <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2014/06/thor-odinson-vs-norrin-radd.html">my late father</a>. The familiar smile at an inner joke, the crazy eyebrows, that familiar older black male stance of "I'm old, youngin', but <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb5RUf5NcDQ">I'll give you a lesson if you need it, son</a>."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">AKA The Morgan Freeman.</td></tr>
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I think this might be a symptom of missing dude or maybe the universe is telling me I should listen to the voice of others that lives inside of me that tries to illuminate a correct course of action. Or maybe it's life telling me to not allow things to pass me by as an outside observer. That life is short and people move on and do what they love and grow and expand and sometimes pass on and if I don't start doing the same I'm not doing what I should do. If you're not living up to your potential and just standing there as things flow around you, what does that make you?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh0MjuCpkyUYwLdi6KI9HXcXAOpjnR-HY-9mzNfaoeLqNotUNn6KU_LFQAViVXSLbQuQAok2Gtrh8lBY_noBaaFC_oqEckmLxN5HaV5vn-HR9UHtXE-e9VXqkvll9kx3pH6oyt2L6elcE/s1600/Uatu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh0MjuCpkyUYwLdi6KI9HXcXAOpjnR-HY-9mzNfaoeLqNotUNn6KU_LFQAViVXSLbQuQAok2Gtrh8lBY_noBaaFC_oqEckmLxN5HaV5vn-HR9UHtXE-e9VXqkvll9kx3pH6oyt2L6elcE/s1600/Uatu.jpg" height="320" width="171" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uatu- RIP</td></tr>
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Or maybe all the people I know just look like a lot of other people. I know I have been told that I looked like pretty much every black male of a certain age ** and that was how I got the unfortunate nickname of Flusher in high school.*** Are we all Cylons secretly? Are we just variations on a few types of people, just moderately changed through time and genetic drift?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyC0A98k-1s">They have a plan...</a></td></tr>
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This whole doppelganger thing is spooky, yo.<br />
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<b><i>*I know the Doppler effect and doppelganger are two unrelated terms but it sounds good and this piece is also talking about things approaching and receding from a subject- me. So, there.</i></b><br />
<b><i>**Only sometimes said in a racist manner.</i></b><br />
<b><i>***You're smart. You can figure that one out. Use context clues.</i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-9838404447542573472014-11-27T20:26:00.000-08:002014-11-28T19:54:21.138-08:00blackfriday*<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-quQkWCwdjvP5MjXNZ6hKmrOPrIQJfT-jlAIyS6QugyHgVoJtx8HBCACRBMIr9dUP5I1DdsC15MSVGUVr3rNH8zw38vm4rOcKpD9fj63QuRF_pc2N84uR7nf8CSFL3f6-Az5KPCFqOM/s1600/blackblue35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-quQkWCwdjvP5MjXNZ6hKmrOPrIQJfT-jlAIyS6QugyHgVoJtx8HBCACRBMIr9dUP5I1DdsC15MSVGUVr3rNH8zw38vm4rOcKpD9fj63QuRF_pc2N84uR7nf8CSFL3f6-Az5KPCFqOM/s1600/blackblue35.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a>Turning 35. Wow. That means I'm about to reach that border land age on surveys before it turns over into people kinda but not really caring what you think about products unless it's for your kids. <i>Whoa.</i></div>
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Anyway....</div>
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There is a belief that every seven years the human body goes through a cycle of rebirth. That every cell in our bodies becomes brand new and we pretty much have a whole, new form.** This brings me to the old thought experiment of the Ship of Theseus or the Theseus Paradox.<br />
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<i>"The ship wherein Theseus and the youth of Athens returned from Crete had thirty oars, and was preserved by the Athenians down even to the time of Demetrius Phalereus, for they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their places, in so much that this ship became a standing example among the philosophers, for the logical question of things that grow; one side holding that the ship remained the same, and the other contending that it was not the same."</i></div>
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<i>—Plutarch, Theseus</i></div>
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Essentially, the experiment asks if you replace the pieces of a ship piece by piece but assembled in exactly the same way, it it the same ship or a totally new vessel?</div>
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I'm not sure about the ship. I don't know if it is now truly different but I can answer that question for me. </div>
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<a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2013/02/lone-wolf.html">No. </a></div>
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And yes. Very much yes.</div>
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No, because I'm still the same person at my core that I have always been. I still have hope that the world can be better than it is. I still trust people more than I should sometimes. I believe that science has the potential to allow us to do anything. I'm still boyishly handsome. *** I still like geeky things and am always excited for what the next thing I've never read before is going to be.</div>
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Yes, because the things at the top of my priorities lists are still there but they have shifted around. Some of the things I would argue for or against have committed a complete 180. My faith in humanity has declined and risen and declined again.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgyliTvEcbhdhsZtW6DGCGAQk_4X8zKzVwFepZ8xqdptKwDQC6KQFhg3ajcvMcaBBU7pPRS20FpSYG0FkG5Uv0_5hXE-DR34vWwYMptEkzru7dicDAZjij1L-AHykNZK9A2ISLx7GkVlE/s1600/35exp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgyliTvEcbhdhsZtW6DGCGAQk_4X8zKzVwFepZ8xqdptKwDQC6KQFhg3ajcvMcaBBU7pPRS20FpSYG0FkG5Uv0_5hXE-DR34vWwYMptEkzru7dicDAZjij1L-AHykNZK9A2ISLx7GkVlE/s1600/35exp.jpg" height="320" width="316" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">35 years of dealing with humans can do that.</td></tr>
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I appreciate the things that are the same about me and the differences that have arisen over the years. Sean at 7, 14, 21 and 28 are different dudes with the same inner being. 28 year old Sean was definitely a <b><u>VERY</u></b> different guy in that crowd. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqWxY7YMuCnaLaFFcu6BNMkzquEm0TAhHri1ngCLTS1-q8Uysn8AT2Fbf8tTaAx7_b_af33VgpsyGqJH8T5_LC5Cy6kvJqo1GYhrzliGgOSgzbhcGCBDvtd_1Y8XwPdcyEP-V_rZlqAc/s1600/ninja2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimqWxY7YMuCnaLaFFcu6BNMkzquEm0TAhHri1ngCLTS1-q8Uysn8AT2Fbf8tTaAx7_b_af33VgpsyGqJH8T5_LC5Cy6kvJqo1GYhrzliGgOSgzbhcGCBDvtd_1Y8XwPdcyEP-V_rZlqAc/s1600/ninja2.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He was also, apparently, a ninja from Shaolin. Not the temple but Staten Island.</td></tr>
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As I approach this personal liminal time of year for me, I often look back on what has led me to this new year of being, as I imagine a lot of people do. That often turns into an <b style="font-style: italic;">intense </b>dissection of my life choices swiftly moving into personal judgments of my shortcomings shifting down into wondering if my choices have negatively affected the bad choices of some of my family and comparisons to my friends and age-specific peers.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/06/19/article-2662929-1EE8E91A00000578-922_634x881.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/06/19/article-2662929-1EE8E91A00000578-922_634x881.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and this dude are the same age and he is married to Lisa Bonet. Are we even the same species?</td></tr>
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This all, ultimately, spirals down into me being depressed about where I am, how I look, what I haven't done and a wish to return to 9th grade so I could make myself do crunches, stay in, write, not listen to what people wanted/expected to me to be and stop pining over random girls who won't be interested in me and look at the ones that were actually interested. </div>
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But not this year. This <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2014/06/thor-odinson-vs-norrin-radd.html">hasn't been my best year</a> but I think it has definitely been one of the years with the most inner growth. I have done all the stuff that I just listed and I have definitely traveled down a dark road or two with the line of thought described above. You can ask a few friends I have been drunk with about those moments. But I've also, and this is fairly recent, come to appreciate the better qualities I possess. Sure, I make stupid decisions sometimes but they are mine to make and maybe they aren't stupid but just silly seeming now. Maybe my subconscious is guiding me more than I thought.</div>
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My path is not the same as my friends or family or even what people think it should be. I have to live for myself. I got stuff to work on and improve but so does everyone. There are things I want and things I have learned that I want and I know I have to change and/or adjust my thought processes to attain them. I'm committed to that, with a little of the old "Sean sucks" mentality.**** I have potential and can do amazing things. Just gotta do 'em.</div>
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I think this next year can be great for me. No. <i><b>Will be great</b></i>. I have to embrace aspects of the new/potential me (completing things, communicating better) and definitely have to tap into the good stuff from the past versions of me (hope, confidence bordering on cockiness). If I get all this together, I foresee a great adult. Gotta get that balance. It's about time.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy Birthday, dude!</td></tr>
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I'm gonna make the rest of my life as good as I possibly can. </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Watch.</span></b></div>
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<i><b>*I went back and forth over that title. It was a tossup which included Adultish, 35 Years Young and Gray Hair, Don't Care.</b></i></div>
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<i><b><br /></b></i><i><b>**Some people also say it's ten and science calls "bullshit" because our bodies are in a constant state of cell death and/or birth. Neither of these works with my post so I'm sticking to seven years. Suck it, science.</b></i></div>
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<i><b><br /></b></i><i><b>***These are just facts, people.</b></i></div>
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<i><b><br /></b></i><i><b>****I'm not going to say none because a)I know myself and b)I also use some of those darker moments as fuel to do stuff.</b></i></div>
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-46274883126038209212014-06-14T21:58:00.003-07:002014-06-15T11:32:23.692-07:00Thor Odinson Vs. Norrin Radd<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYRjhLsyDltvuXgfzvAcmfgQQhh7W0nYxQSFQcPWLVFSuHKfrWmdoo0GjGxpTyY2vXJ1RHfSTuH9-pnxUYODOkfr7jsCNEOKPED-8THF8fVXcbPhDAAPrzO1vk0C2N91IXACFvGELHa4/s1600/ThorSiSurfcoipel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkYRjhLsyDltvuXgfzvAcmfgQQhh7W0nYxQSFQcPWLVFSuHKfrWmdoo0GjGxpTyY2vXJ1RHfSTuH9-pnxUYODOkfr7jsCNEOKPED-8THF8fVXcbPhDAAPrzO1vk0C2N91IXACFvGELHa4/s1600/ThorSiSurfcoipel.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a>It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog, is an old friend, follows me on <a href="http://kalthrace.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>/<a href="https://twitter.com/KalThrace">Twitter</a>/<a href="http://instagram.com/kalthrace">Instagram</a> or even knows me a little bit that I'm a <b><u><i>HUGE</i></u></b> geek. I fall into the mostly sci-fi geek tribe nowadays but my base is comic books, like I imagine many people who are also in this tribe. Hell, that was partially how I learned to read. We usually begin as those weird kids who know how Rogue got her basic powers beside power/personality absorption,<b><i>(1)</i></b> can tell you who was in the originals Defenders line-up,<b><i>(2)</i></b> can name the founding members of the original Legion of Super-Heroes as well as their benefactor<b><i>(3)</i></b> and can explain to you the complicated family tree of the Summers family.<b><i>(4)</i></b> We grow and get picked on sometimes and sometimes graduate to more mature geeky readings and movies and TV shows, like Lord of The Rings, BSG and The X-Files. Us old geeks were geeky before it was cool to be geeky. We took those early blows so that you gals and guys could be comfortable in your geeky skins now.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheXwhcbTPaoSnDBXBaxeo_wLy5tLjga49qX2CULH51YeRteYJvFxnSp_9EgffcsFr5PfCj8yOkJtX41cLUGxYtyMZIFgmIa2LsKF_nygxt7GoZyF9FfU0_jjCK3hehyphenhyphenSM_avMwJ-TWxoc/s1600/donald+glover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheXwhcbTPaoSnDBXBaxeo_wLy5tLjga49qX2CULH51YeRteYJvFxnSp_9EgffcsFr5PfCj8yOkJtX41cLUGxYtyMZIFgmIa2LsKF_nygxt7GoZyF9FfU0_jjCK3hehyphenhyphenSM_avMwJ-TWxoc/s1600/donald+glover.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You're welcome.</td></tr>
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The person I need to thank who helped me (and therefore you neo-geeks) on this geeky path was my father. He showed me the Star Wars trilogy reinforcing the Hero's Journey, praised EightMan and gave me that early taste of anime and loudly talked throughout the premiere of Jurassic Park with the accompanying laughter of a surprisingly predominately Caucasian audience. He did all of this but most importantly he introduced me to comic books. He was an artist and comic books were an art form that could be enjoyed by a wide age-range. It encompassed <b>ALL</b> the possible stories that could be told by mankind, like all good science fiction. From a nerdy teen from Queens who got powers from a radioactive arachnid to a family of explorers fighting a mystical/technological Eastern European dictator to tales of soldiers in Vietnam to humanity fighting aliens in the far future for survival, comic books had it all. We loved them all but our favorites usually came from the Marvel vaults.<br />
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My father's favorite was <i>The Mighty Thor</i>. It was Stan Lee, Larry Lieber and The King, Jack Kirby himself, at their most operatic and most bombastic. Many other writers followed but I think the Walter Simonson run was his favorite. It captured the original<i> Journey Into Mystery</i> feel with more flair. It was a story of generations and space gods doing battle with other gods and monsters.<br />
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I was <i>meh</i> about the whole thing. Thor was a product of the 1960s to the weird 1980s to me. He was a big, whiny, blonde guy who talked funny and had a hammer. Yes, he was mythic and could bring down great and terrible weather conditions but I already had Storm in the X-Men and she was a foxy Black woman so, there you go. I think my dad liked him because Thor was very much a part of the "epic hero saga." The Odinson's stories were about family issues at their heart and having companions that were fated to play roles until Ragnarök took them all. I think the destiny thing worked for my dad because the actual life people live is not written out by the universe for us. There is comfort in that story, even if your fate is to fall in Ragnarök after defeating the Midgard Serpent Jörmungandr, who ultimately poisons you. It is a doomed end but it is also a noble and heroic one. A "manly end."<br />
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I could take or leave this big, flaxen haired warrior when I was younger but dad introduced me to another Lee/Kirby creation. An argent agent of a massive purple humanoid force of nature. The herald of the universal planet eater, Galactus. He was Norrin Radd of doomed Zenn-La, also known as the <i>Silver Surfer</i>.<br />
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Yes, he was also a bit whiny but I got his complaints. Thor was a child angry at his father with vast powers and some weird anger issues. The Silver Surfer had legitimate beefs. He was a smart dude yearning to explore on a planet of people that were very comfortable with their condition on an Utopian world. Despite this, he sacrificed his life and soul to save them and the woman he loved. He came to Earth and recognized the nobility of these aliens called humans that were very similar to him. He rebelled against his master, saved another planet of people and was rewarded by being trapped there. He complained a bit but he had adventures still and accepted his conditions with bravery and a stoic, at times, resolve. Plus, he "surfed" and I lived a block from the beach.<br />
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I understood this dude.<br />
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<i><b>I liked this dude.</b></i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNxlFhrSrmbwhjbAh1AcDdDTqlJORoRPNXsxUh65hdjryCS7d_L7aZExV6NdV1oENLwOnvu6iW-bGhiP5wXoqLJg059SRz6XgC8bi9ia4oj2GLfeK67jKT9a4OOOpuLTAWLI50rVxJ6lI/s1600/Thor+VS+Silver+Surfer+by+greenestreet.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNxlFhrSrmbwhjbAh1AcDdDTqlJORoRPNXsxUh65hdjryCS7d_L7aZExV6NdV1oENLwOnvu6iW-bGhiP5wXoqLJg059SRz6XgC8bi9ia4oj2GLfeK67jKT9a4OOOpuLTAWLI50rVxJ6lI/s1600/Thor+VS+Silver+Surfer+by+greenestreet.png" height="237" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know who I'm rooting for here, folks.</td></tr>
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Norrin was a loner with a broken heart looking for other weirdos who understood him. He was a traveler, always looking for the next lesson, the next adventure. He rebelled against authority. All of these qualities oddly got to me when I was a young kid, before anything similar happened to me.<b><i>(5)</i></b> And he kept evolving. He eventually got off of Earth and had crazy space adventures and fought mad gods and teamed up with the angry duo of The Hulk and Namor, who I still say is the dickiest of all characters except maybe Black Adam. They even have similar dickish haircuts but let's move on.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFHYNAHe-UGTD3WSsbaCSemIjEfVwPphiuspFuLLNJDYSdJn6zmXSGIHloZGW7mwFuPGYgFsk6zAKzdJJ9LbEsiQ3XRrCeEMuq9tsnIUP5iEUeEwwqOtL9ImjP7jp1R9z7P07HP1OG2ZI/s1600/namorbadam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFHYNAHe-UGTD3WSsbaCSemIjEfVwPphiuspFuLLNJDYSdJn6zmXSGIHloZGW7mwFuPGYgFsk6zAKzdJJ9LbEsiQ3XRrCeEMuq9tsnIUP5iEUeEwwqOtL9ImjP7jp1R9z7P07HP1OG2ZI/s1600/namorbadam.jpg" height="146" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dicks.</td></tr>
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Looking back, maybe the reasons why my dad gravitated to this Nordic space god and I went for the silver rider of cosmic waves were simple. All of the time he was with us dad had family that wasn't really family. I was introduced to people my father grew up with, all his friends. People he loved and treated as family but weren't blood. His family wasn't around or he didn't connect with them or vice versa. I didn't meet any of my father's family until his funeral last month. He has one sibling, a brother, that I've never seen or met but my father would always say that "Sean, you are exactly like him. I had my brother's child." He picked his family and created his family from his friends and his children that he raised to varying degree. Maybe Thor being pretty much a family saga called out to something deep in his psyche and soul. That feeling of being connected by fate, destiny and blood that he was missing.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy0Ae9bHRv1emWZm_vwlwGsLCGMO-cexSN3C_0TpRVCCGZbd5C2uIpeLG8bw5H0SXPxCcAZHsOXYsubmtEdd6dUFQ4GqQ2YQHTSV-XXutpDJbcZ7nfYb3mbeYS9mfD8aIKgZRn60kfoKM/s1600/thorcoipel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy0Ae9bHRv1emWZm_vwlwGsLCGMO-cexSN3C_0TpRVCCGZbd5C2uIpeLG8bw5H0SXPxCcAZHsOXYsubmtEdd6dUFQ4GqQ2YQHTSV-XXutpDJbcZ7nfYb3mbeYS9mfD8aIKgZRn60kfoKM/s1600/thorcoipel.jpg" height="160" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All related.</td></tr>
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And if that was the case, maybe the opposite was why I liked the Silver Surfer so much. I have a <b>TON</b> of family. Always have and they have, usually, been near or around me. My cousins have lived in the same house as me at a few points or down the street or a couple of blocks away. I've always had an uncle living in the same house with me; I have one doing so right now. My grandmother always lived above me. My younger brother and I are usually in close proximity to each other and my oldest sibling always used to come by and forced me to not sleep in my own bed when I was little. My life has always been lousy with family. <b><i>(6)</i></b><br />
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But even with all this family, I've felt alone many times. Not lonely but alone. I've always searched out for more people like me, who shared similar likes and dislikes. My family is filled with smart people but I was always the geeky, weird guy reading the encyclopedia in the empty bathtub. I was the non-fighter of my siblings. The well behaved one. The one who would go down this already prescribed path to success.<br />
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I wanted out.<br />
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I liked to go exploring. I tried different things. I was the guy who would hop on a plane to try somewhere new or go for a visit to a friend nowhere near me. <i style="font-weight: bold;">(7)</i> My sister and her family moving around helped me to scratch my new place itch at times. I moved out to Vegas.<br />
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I also loved being around my new like-minded and mostly geeky or nerdy friends. But, I also liked being alone. Going for walks by myself. Sitting at the beach, solo. Exploring the church on campus. Maybe it because I didn't always fit in with my friends either. They seemed more sure of themselves. They were/are certainly cooler than me. I would and still get into my "Sean needs to be alone" moments.<br />
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I was Norrin Radd. <b><i>(8)</i></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL6Ge7UXPMNLfRiPPKFBWMKTzzBZuWdDqZEUW0yLAjGff1ImfKjPGgVnjmq2qgCIVd9LsmTaPZAKJ2c345MqRqdxPfbGUvL2abSLynSKOBUIpUtxFvN0eiC2JhBDADTYTAsTgyO4xhVKc/s1600/SilSurfcoipel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL6Ge7UXPMNLfRiPPKFBWMKTzzBZuWdDqZEUW0yLAjGff1ImfKjPGgVnjmq2qgCIVd9LsmTaPZAKJ2c345MqRqdxPfbGUvL2abSLynSKOBUIpUtxFvN0eiC2JhBDADTYTAsTgyO4xhVKc/s1600/SilSurfcoipel.jpg" height="320" width="222" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mr. Solo Dolo.</td></tr>
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Maybe I'm reading too much into our preferences on who was the better character in these old funny books. I'm no psychologist. I think I might be partially correct about my dad and I feel pretty confident that I'm 90% right about my own self-diagnosis.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6ARb7VB8rXm0wXiJxsrRXTafV1db7lTBRMW9zlvNMKAcDakUDMz6fcFNLHqKUyTgouBWxb_wW_JE5yjWTwLM_tzd6YHrSrxzkshovXS9gmXVP8QFFnhUdrV9yfmh_A5nrJ8r4sxrMfc/s1600/THSSDad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6ARb7VB8rXm0wXiJxsrRXTafV1db7lTBRMW9zlvNMKAcDakUDMz6fcFNLHqKUyTgouBWxb_wW_JE5yjWTwLM_tzd6YHrSrxzkshovXS9gmXVP8QFFnhUdrV9yfmh_A5nrJ8r4sxrMfc/s1600/THSSDad.jpg" height="320" width="205" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, this seems right.</td></tr>
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Either way, I owe that DAD guy a lot. Not just for half my DNA but for the love of this geeky life he gave me. He provided the foundation to build on. I wasn't always his fan and we didn't always see eye to eye on certain things, comic book characters being one of those things, but I always loved the man. That love was expressed in our discussions about who would win in a fight or which characters had the best story arcs or why he loved Lord of the Rings so much and, as he got sicker, what was going on in the universes of four color heroes. It was how we connected, like the way he connected with my other siblings through talking about their kids, or boxing or basketball. Me and my father had comic books, geeky movies, drawing things and the whole landscape of science fiction. </div>
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So far, at least in the movie world, his guy is beating my guy. I like the cinematic Thor <i>WAY</i> more than the Silver Surfer in the Fantastic Four movies. But, I'm not giving up on my guy yet. Maybe someone will do my guy justice. Maybe I'll do him justice because that might be the most important thing I got from my father- a belief that anything was possible. </div>
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Tales could be created and you could bring things into existence if you put enough effort into creating characters, ideas and concepts that people could relate to and adopt for themselves. Thor or Silver Surfer, if you could get behind them as more than characters, could become real in your world. You could give them life like the masters that did it before you.</div>
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My father created life through me and his other kids and their kids. He touched the life of his wife in immeasurable ways. He was a beloved man by his friends and co-workers and pretty much anyone that encountered him. He might not have realized all his dreams but he is certainly inspiring me right now to go after mine. I'll always love him for that.</div>
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Thanks, Dad. I won't bust Thor's chops (too much) anymore, for you. Maybe we'll meet again, pass the rainbow bridge Bifrost and Heimdall's all-seeing eyes in Valhalla, in eternal Asgard. <b><i>(9)</i></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn-oXGcApNzuDxkA25cVaZtfpDmKO0vYvLzrt5I26vxjA4xxBj23PONslA00VDQizo1VWKWcMqzyuyho9IeQivbMZhxtiQ281GNseCF7TImw6jb7VqRD38gLvhcKTL2NDPlgu4TTwM7HU/s1600/thor-bifrost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn-oXGcApNzuDxkA25cVaZtfpDmKO0vYvLzrt5I26vxjA4xxBj23PONslA00VDQizo1VWKWcMqzyuyho9IeQivbMZhxtiQ281GNseCF7TImw6jb7VqRD38gLvhcKTL2NDPlgu4TTwM7HU/s1600/thor-bifrost.jpg" height="133" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I can imagine it. I owe you that.</span></div>
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<i><b>(1) She absorbed Carol Danvers powers AKA Ms. Marvel, who is now Captain Marvel and got her powers from a Kree device and took her name from Mar-Vell, also know as Capt. Marvel. Ms. Marvel is now Kamala Khan.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(2) Dr. Strange, Namor and the Hulk. Some people often include Silver Surfer but he wasn't in the original mission versus The Nameless One and The Undying Ones.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(3) Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl and Lightning Boy(Lad). I guess you can include Superboy in there if you want. They were financed by RJ Brande.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(4) Do you have a few hours and a whiteboard?</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(5) Well, maybe I was always a loner looking for "my people" but definitely no real heartbreak then. That didn't happen until like 6th grade when I was old and experienced.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(6) I mean "lousy" in the best way, guys. I love you all.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(7) Living on the last stop on the A train helped with that as well.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(8) I might still be Norrin Radd. I dunno.</b></i></div>
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<i><b>(9) </b></i><i><b>And Heimdall is a Black dude in our version too.</b></i></div>
SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-34694224280083573232014-06-13T13:18:00.001-07:002016-06-08T18:00:27.896-07:00AMAZON!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
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<i>I apologize. I've been sitting on this one for awhile (as well as this blog) for a variety of excuses...</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBlEZWnFVdbiQ1aZzbC5PvDpPHjsCo5CBU4p33zGBWogIrNNYuO7QMoGrGezoI_559YfCfACocyODryFMwGQW7FA5GiGXTFmJowFAHPe06A3uYdRPk6nTCs5KTGgwzSJx4G1OZrmvAehI/s1600/ww+by+nathan+fox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBlEZWnFVdbiQ1aZzbC5PvDpPHjsCo5CBU4p33zGBWogIrNNYuO7QMoGrGezoI_559YfCfACocyODryFMwGQW7FA5GiGXTFmJowFAHPe06A3uYdRPk6nTCs5KTGgwzSJx4G1OZrmvAehI/s320/ww+by+nathan+fox.jpg" width="210" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WW by Nathan Fox</td></tr>
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So, DC is making a Superman Vs. Batman movie. Actually, apparently, they are making <a href="http://www.aintitcool.com/node/67642">a gang of films</a> a la the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As a geek I should be happy about this. I am a Marvel fan more than I'm a DC fan if we are getting into a discussion of the Big Two but I still can see how this could be potentially awesome. I mean, DC's Animated Universe is great and I usually enjoy whenever they put out animated content. Content <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3WJ0oQML_ro3V_VJeVdC1_hs3PaVV8hv">like this</a> which will relate to the rest of this post. And I LOVED Nolan's Batman trilogy and really enjoyed Man of Steel, even though it felt more like a Dragonball Z origin flick at times over a Superman movie.<br />
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I even have little to no problem with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975590/fullcredits?ref_=tt_cl_sm#cast">most of the casting</a> at this point. I liked Cavill as Superman, Affleck will probably be a good older Bats and, although I was wary at first, I think Gal Gadot has the ability to pull off a decent Wonder Woman.* She's been working out, she is familiar with stunts from the Fast &Furious franchise films and her accent could be great to help portray Diana's foreign origins. Hell, maybe Jesse Eisenberg could pull off a good and fresh new version of Lex, like Ledger did with the Joker.**Plus, Momoa as Aquaman? Yeah. I'm with that.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.jason-momoa.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/jason-momoa-20050825-65369.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.jason-momoa.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/jason-momoa-20050825-65369.jpg" height="320" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Something says he can pull it off.</td></tr>
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Sure DC has had hiccups (I'm looking at you Green Lantern) but if done correctly, I believe they can put out good movies like Marvel.<br />
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My fear is they won't.<br />
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Just looking at how they are planning on releasing these films worries me. Shazam before Wonder Woman? Really? If the plan is to build a good Justice League film, you start with the base- The Trinity. You put out at least one kick-ass Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman film. You don't build a house with some foundation and throw on an attic piece without making sure the footings are right. (Sorry, been watching a lot of Holmes Inspection lately)<br />
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And this is not a piece on how I care deeply about Wonder Woman or that she is my favorite character. She's not. That's Spider-Man. She's not my favorite DC character. That's Power Girl She's not even my favorite (and I hate this qualifier) female character in either Big Two universe. That's Dakota North.<br />
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But she is vital. Not even to just DC doing this right and it's history but to <b>ALL</b> comic book history. She might be the most popular female character out there and is definitely the most well known. Diana Prince is inspirational to many people, of both genders and all sexual orientations. She has been around since 1941. Seventy plus years, huge popularity and one of the core members of your main super team and you are putting her third after Shazam and Sandman? C'mon, son.<br />
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DC, do what you gotta do but I would have went a different way. My plan would be to tie the movies you already released together into one coherent plot or very close to it. I thought that was part of the plan and also to do things with some elements based on more realism, or as realistic as you can make films with the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNthTfMB1-0">last remaining solar space god from an alien race</a>.<br />
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But, let's say that's your plan and you want to get rid of as much of the myth and "made of clay" elements from Wonder Woman. Cool. Don't worry. I got you.<br />
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This won't be too deep but is a framework of how this would work in my head. We have to start with a prologue and this will tie Wonder Woman into Man of Steel a bit so bear with me. I'm basing this on the empty cryogenic pod in Man of Steel that Clark finds and the <a href="http://imgur.com/a/mMCZm#CcVrJxf">Man of Steel prequel comic book</a>.<br />
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Prologue- In ancient Times ( less than 20,000 years ago)- A tribe of women are walking towards the Aegean Sea. There is an island there where many other women have already been shepherded and this is the last group to arrive. They are led by four sister, all daughters of a goddess/space alien. Their mother and their siblings are dead but are still worshiped as fallen heroes, gods and demigods among the primitive humans. These four sister are the last remaining members of their family but won't be the last of their line. They possess alien tech to start a new society on this island hidden behind an invisible shield. The island will be known one day as Themiscyra. The sisters are a Queen, a Keeper of Records, a Scientist/Priestess and a Warrior woman named Shim'Tar. The woman arrive at the shore and as they are sending off the final boat to the island, they are attacked by a gang of savage men. Most of the woman flee with Shim'Tar remaining to defend the boat and save some of the woman who will be left.*** The other women make it to Themiscyra and the shield protects and keeps them hidden for centuries.<br />
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Cue credits and opening logo. I would just title this movie <b><u>AMAZON</u></b> and be done with it but that's just me.<br />
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Six Months Ago- In the Amazon jungle, Barbara Ann Minerva is leading a rescue mission on behalf of Cale-Anderson Pharmaceuticals to locate a missing doctor and his team who were searching for new potential medicines. The doctor, Thomas Leavens, had heard rumor of a tribe that had access to special roots that gave them rapid healing abilities. Minerva arrives with her team to find the tribe slaughtered along with Leavens' team. They follow the trail of death to a hidden temple. Minerva's team is killed on the way inside. There she find Dr. Leavens, half naked and insane. He is standing before an altar to some ancient bestial god and is wounded and covered with blood. He rushes to attack Minerva.<br />
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Five Months Ago- Veronica Cale is the owner of Cale-Anderson Pharmaceuticals who has just acquired Cadmus Labs. She is entering her office with Dr. Dabney Donovan who is performing research on the pieces of Kryptonian debris from Metropolis. They enter the office and find Minerva sitting at Veronica's desk, with two robed figures beside her. Minerva says, with a crazy smile and a scratched and scarred face, "I have so much to tell you Veronica. We are going to change this world."<br />
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Present Day- Steve Trevor is an agent of the newly formed DEO or Department of Extranormal Operations, formed after the "Kryptonian incursion" and other occurrences of supernormal incidents. He is investigating reports of monsters off the shore of Greece. While he is waiting to hear back from headquarters he sees the beginning of a strange storm on the sea. Despite warnings from his director and the locals, Steve takes a boat to investigate. A humanoid alien and a giant monster crash through Steve's boat in the midst of the storm causing it to begin to sink. He is rescued by a stranger on another boat who subdues the monster and saves the alien as well.<br />
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Steve wakes on the island of Themiscyra to the sounds of arguing. The stranger who rescued him is Princess Diana of the Amazons and she is fighting with her people about bringing outsiders to the island. Her mother Queen Hippolyta is listening to Diana's story and opposition from an Amazon named Aleka, Diana's chief rival on the island. Steve enters and is quickly subdued by an Amazon. Aleka argues that his life should be taken but Diana says she'll fight for his freedom. Cue big arena fight scene where Diana wins and Steve is allowed to live. He explains his mission and why he was in the area. Diana talks a bit about their history before they check on the alien she saved. The alien is a dying female insect-like humanoid named Forager. Her last words before she passes are "Gods...god...war comes...he...brings....apocalypse."<br />
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An Amazonian council is assembled to decide what to do with this limited information. Some think it is the beginning of the end of the time of man, others think it is the return of the ancient god Ares but others believe that it is the start of another alien invasion. Steve says he has to report this to the DEO and see if he can get more information. Diana volunteers to go with him, for assistance and to keep the location of Themyscira secret. She is given armor, weapons and a communication device for her journey.<br />
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Meanwhile, back in the United States, Cadmus Labs is working on fine tuning their teleportation technology in DC. The two robed figures were ancient hibernating bestial aliens named Mokkari and Simyan, who were awoken by Leavens in his entry into the ancient temple. They are scientists with limited knowledge of this technology and great knowledge of genetic manipulation. They are assisting Minerva and crew with trying to open portals to their homeworld to bring their master, the God of War, to Earth. Minerva has had her body manipulated and is appearing more cheetah like in appearance and this worries Veronica but not enough to stop her and her pursuit of promised power and knowledge.</div>
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Diana and Steve arrive in Washington, DC at DEO headquarters. Etta Candy takes them in to see the head of DEO, Director Robert “Bones” Todd. He dresses Steve down but takes the information he has and has teams run down any new information they can get along with other sightings of strange creatures and "hell-like landscapes" appearing. </div>
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While this is going on, the Cadmus crew has success and opens up a great hole to the God of War's homeworld. He arrives with a small army and lays out a plan of attack for the subjugation of Earth in the name of his father. Several of his soldiers have brought updated teleportation tech with them and they scatter to a few different spots to open teleportation tubes to unleash soldiers and beasts from this other world, including, Greece, Cairo, London, Metropolis and Gotham. The God of War says he will take Minerva and begin his strike in the capitol of America.</div>
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The hell gates begin to open. Diana is alerted to this in DEO headquarters. She informs her sisters back on the island who scatter to help out as they can. Diana and Steve have, meanwhile, seen a small force begin to attack locally led by what appears to be the God of War of myth, Ares. Diana springs into action, trailed by Trevor and a DEO security force.</div>
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Diana arrives but is attacked by Minerva, now totally transformed into Cheetah. They battle fiercely but she is no match for Amazonian strength. Meanwhile, Trevor and the DEO squad is taking it to the alien fighters but they are stopped by the God of War. Diana arrives and punches the helmet off the tall figure. She faces him and draws her sword. She says "Prepare to fall, God of War. Prepare to die, Ares." The figure stands and says "Who is Ares? I am Grayven, the World Ender. I am the harbinger of Apokolips and the herald of Darkseid." He punches a stunned Diana across traffic. They fight. Eventually, Diana gains the upper hand but just before she is going to land the killing blow, Grayven activates a Boom Tube and he and his remaining forces teleport back to Apokolips.<br />
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Diana finds Steve and she receives a report from the Amazonian General Philippus that the Apokoliptian forces have been beaten wherever the Amazons encountered them. They weren't able to get to some places like Egypt and Gotham but Trevor gets reports that something stopped them there too. Diana says she is worried that this was just the beginning, a test and that true terror is on it's way.<br />
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There will be an epilogue scene where Diana and Steve meet the head of a newly formed division under DEO. This division focuses on superhumans and their potential for action in the future. They are monitoring reports of the Batman of Gotham, Superman and stories about a fast moving creature protecting Keystone City and a man sinking whaling ships off the coast of Japan. This division is headed by Amanda Waller with technical support by a young Victor Stone. The name of the the division is Advanced Research Group Uniting Super-Humans or ARGUS. They want Steve Trevor and the newly named Diana Prince to join the effort in case of any potential world threatening menaces.<br />
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So, there you have it. Diana Prince action movie, the beginnings of a future Justice League and the foreboding threat of Darkseid, an actual adversary to a team at the level of the Justice League. Plus, characters to maybe be revisited later, including a lost tribe of Amazons in Africa and whomever defended the cities the Amazons couldn't get to. I even have a list of characters who should be in this movie, even minor Amazonians.<br />
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Thoughts?<br />
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Good luck, DC.<br />
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<i><b>*In my head, I had envisioned Gina Carano, Jamie Alexander or, even as crazy as you might think, a Tamina Snuka as Diana of Themiscyra.</b></i><br />
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<i><b>**If not, I'm gonna complain that they should have cast Michael Cera instead.</b></i><br />
<i><b>***This can be a leftover thread in case you need future Amazons or the Bana-Mighdall tribe, which settled in Egypt in the comic books.</b></i></div>
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SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-89774228955243067382014-03-18T03:25:00.001-07:002014-06-15T20:08:59.662-07:00Trying<strike>I think </strike>I'm going to commit myself to writing something on this blog daily. I'm going to post my other random stuff and blogs I already have been working on but I think I'm going to steer this thing a little bit back to the original idea I had for this thing- helping me work through stuff by putting it down and getting it out of my head. I have a lot of emotions and ideas flitting through my head throughout the day and weird encounters sometimes when I leave my house. I usually write them down or keep it in my brain with the plan of writing them out but somehow I get sidelined with life and it doesn't get done.<br />
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So, now, I'm going to commit myself to take an hour and write something here. It'll be like journalling but in the open and less soft sounding. I gotta come up with a different name besides blogging or journalling? <b style="font-style: italic;">Scribblin'? Jottin'? </b>I'll figure it out. Maybe something relating to stream of conscious because this will probably end up being similar to that. Regardless it should prove helpful to me and work into my plan to get my life back on a more concrete schedule of doing things, outside of having a crazy and at sometimes non-existent sleep schedule. Been slipping for awhile in many aspects of "living swell" but that's for another blog entry later this week.<br />
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Today is about me and my undercurrent of misanthropy.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hate, hate, hate!</td></tr>
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I'm what most people would consider an easygoing and agreeable soul. I try to be empathetic to others and generally stray from extremes in arguments.* I like to hear both sides of a story and care about how people are feeling. When I say that, I don't mean I care about how people feel about me (outside of friends and family) but I mostly want everyone to feel at ease and comfortable around me. Happy people make me happy. Sad and hurt people make me upset.<br />
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Have you ever heard of the Tzadikim Nistarim? Well, to keep it shorter than <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tzadikim_Nistarim">this</a>, It's this esoteric Judaic/Kabbalistic belief that there are at any given time 36 righteous people on this planet that keep the rest of us alive by being saintly or caring about others and protecting them even without being a public figure or getting credit. If one dies, they would have to be replace or the world would come to an end. That's some heavy shit right there, b.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">36. We need 'em.</td></tr>
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Now, I'm not saying I'm one of these enlightened figures. Not even close and I doubt I would crack the top billion of people who<i> REALLY</i> care about others but I definitely get those moments when I feel like the whole world needs help and I need to do something about it. Or on a smaller scale I need to protect and watch out for the people in my immediate circle, be that figurative or literal.<br />
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With all that said I also <u><b>CANNOT STAND PEOPLE</b></u> sometimes. I know, I know. <i>"Everyone feels like that, guy. It's human nature." </i>And usually, I understand exactly where my annoyance level with folks come from. I clearly see the actions they have taken to get me to that point. For example, I walk my mother to catch the bus to work every morning pretty much at 4 AM which is an ungodly hour. I sleep for about 45 minutes before I have to do this nightly and I'm already not a morning person. The bus she has to catch is always a couple of minutes late which makes no sense since I live right at the first stop. So, my mother tells me today that she got on the bus yesterday, which was late, and not 3 seconds on the bus the driver says <i>"You can't say good morning?"</i><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">REALLY? FUCKIN' REALLY?</span></b><br />
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The only thing stopping me from getting on the bus this morning and <b>BARKIN'</b> at this jackassery was my mother. I was already irritable for being up and you are coming with the slick talk? I should put my paws on you. Maybe push you through your windshield, partna.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Puny bus driver.</td></tr>
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Now, my reaction to that, though extreme, can easily be traced back to a source- early morning and clown shoes behavior by some old bus driver. Pretty much within the boundaries of normal human thinking, I think.<br />
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My issue that I have is that I get extreme with it or it comes from a weird place that it shouldn't.<br />
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Yesterday I'm at the laundry washing my clothes. I arrive there in a decent mood and I usually don't have problems there. The machines aren't always up to snuff but the ladies there are pretty nice and look out if the problem is on their end. It's crowded and there is a woman complaining about how her machine isn't drying her clothes correctly. She gets in it a bit with one of the ladies there who handles the situation in a calm manner. For some reason, I get pissed for her.<br />
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I have this weird thing where people feel the freedom to talk to me randomly about bullshit or complain. I see this lady coming back around to where the washers are still complaining to I assume her family and another random lady or two who give her the head nod of agreement. At this point my annoyance has transformed into the "I wish she would" desire in my head.** I already plan to shit on her problems with her wet clothes and bring up larger current events <b>LOUDLY</b> so she feels bad for being a dick. I guess she could tell what I had tumbling in my mind because she walked right pass after looking at my face.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Castle forgot his fabric softener. This will end badly.</td></tr>
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Or maybe she could tell my secondary thought which was "I wish some large ravenous wolves came in here and ate your whole face off while I laughed like a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6bWUv7eMD8">Sean the Barbarian</a> the entire time." Yeah. It was probably that.<br />
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See? That's my thing. I <i>LOVE</i> humanity but I <b><u>HATE</u></b> people. I want to see the best for us as a whole species but I get these moments where I want entire swaths of people to be mowed down by some vengeful force, usually me when I imagine it. I want to save us all but a lot of the time I'm like "Naw. They ain't worth it."<br />
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Maybe I'm not really a nice guy and <b>IT IS </b>about me wanting people to like and accept me. Maybe the caring and doing the extra step and worrying is a facade to cover monster inside. Maybe I'm the bad guy.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ARRRGGHHH!!!</td></tr>
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<i><b>Naw. </b></i>People are just irritating jerks sometimes. I just gotta not do what's in my mind and find a way to express my negative emotions in a healthy way.<br />
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<b><i>* This doesn't apply to being a racist, sexist, ignorant of scientific fact, etc. Obviously.</i></b><br />
<b><i>** This happens a lot. It might be a more of a "black person" thing and would go a long way in explaining our blood pressure issues. That and a history of oppression and cultivating bad habits.</i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-76164803567029739082014-01-06T23:24:00.000-08:002014-01-06T23:24:28.268-08:00Being GratefulI have it in my head what I want this post to be about but it may stray from that. I'll try to keep on topic. I've been up for a long time. (I also started writing it a while ago as you will see by the date)<br />
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So, today is Thanksgiving and it also happens to be my birthday. This means that it's a holiday so people are generally with their family and, you can ask anyone with a birthday on a holiday or big event, you learn quickly to not expect much. I took it as an opportunity to be by myself, go to the parade and think.<br />
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What my thinking got me was this post here.<br />
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I'm very thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for my family too, mostly but they know that.<br />
I fear that I don't express my thankfulness for my friends enough. It's slightly easier to stay connected nowadays but it seems harder to connect. I "talk" to my friends a lot but that generally consists of text messages, IMs, tweets and leaving posts on their walls for my friends who are now or were always long-distance buddies. I'm only marginally better with my at home friends, I feel. We meet up maybe once or twice a month and they buy me drinks and we try to remain current with our lives while swaying drunkenly to beats. It's good but I could do better.<br />
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My friends are the best people in the world and they deserve better.<br />
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I'm broke right now and have been for awhile. Blame the economy, lack of educational standards in comparison with my peers, lack of jobs I'm good at that will employ me... whatever. I've been broke for awhile and if my friends weren't who they were I couldn't have enjoyed many a night.<br />
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I know they enjoy making their friends happy and a lot of them have been my friends for years so remember a time when I could buy a bottle like it was nothing and none of them will complain about getting me a beer but I still feel like shite when it happens. I shouldn't or I shouldn't <i>TOTALLY</i> feel that way but there it is.<br />
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Crazier situation- I've made a friend on Facebook a while ago. We became friends just because we shared the same name and eventually learned that we have overlapping geeky interests. This dude is awesome and a good guy to, again, "talk" to, as are a lot of my "internet friends."* What makes him more awesome is that he sent me movie tickets, twice, just because. This guy knows me but he doesn't know me like my other pals and he took it upon himself to just send movie tickets to a guy in another state with the same name because a) he thought a movie was good and I should see it and b)it was my birthday on the second occasion. **<br />
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And maybe that's what friendship is- taking a chance on some dude not being a jerk and enjoying their random happiness and hoping that they are appreciative. My fear is that because of my current condition my appreciation for <b><u>ALL MY FRIENDS</u></b> and <u><b>ALL THE THINGS THEY DO</b></u> isn't as explicit or at the level I want it to be. I'm positive that they know I'm grateful; I just want them to know the degree that I'm grateful for their existence. These are great folks and I can't begin to show my joy they have in my life with a bottle of wine that I can't currently afford.<br />
<br />
<i>SO</i>, I make them this promise-<br />
<br />
My first born or free copies of all my future works.<br />
<br />
The former is highly unlikely as that I'm currently single and definitely not "mingling" like I want*** but the latter is definitely doable and I have a list of people who automatically get my stuff <b><u><i>gratis.</i></u></b><br />
<br />
This is the best I can do while I'm currently freelancing and without any of my lottery dreams coming true. I do hope it's enough and I'm sure it will be because my friends are stupendous and are selfless individuals who see things in me that I don't sometimes recognize or believe, love me and I love back with the power of ten thousand suns.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>*I hate saying "internet friends" like it makes someone a lesser friend, especially now in 2014.</i></b><br />
<b><i>**I should also add c)because he is a great soul but that goes without saying I think.</i></b><br />
<b><i>***Plus, who really wants this deal except for Rumpelstiltskin. </i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-33343541795855497412013-12-27T00:14:00.001-08:002013-12-27T00:20:33.462-08:00RESOLUTIONS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><u><a href="http://kalthrace.tumblr.com/">THAT IS ALL.</a></u></b></div>
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-4887569567282360342013-12-13T15:11:00.002-08:002013-12-13T22:17:05.785-08:00You Can Spell It With A Y All Day...<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">I normally try to not comment or even concern myself with the discussions of race. For one, I think my opinions on the matter are pretty self-evident in that I'm for the freedom and liberty of all people and I sometimes mess up but I would like to believe that even when I do make these errors in actions/speech, I'm a decent enough human being to apologize and correct myself. Secondly, as a black man in this country who happened to spend time in the South for family visits and went to predominantly white schools from around the age of 12, I've encountered my fair share of overt racism and it's gets exhausting dealing with it or trying to explain the reason something can be offensive. I know that my very existence can be viewed as a political stance but, seriously, it's 2013 and I've been on this planet for 30+ years and I'm tired of speaking on it.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">There is so much going on with issues of race/sex/class/power constantly that sometimes I'm like "<i>Someone else is going to talk on this and I'm not going to say anything new and I'm preaching to the choir anyway.</i>" I just shut up and concern myself with geeky issues instead.* It usually serves me well in keeping me sane.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Plus, it's kinda smarmy to just comment on stuff when <i><b>I know for a fact</b></i> I'm not going to put on pants and take to the streets about something.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm really not taking back my city today. I'm gonna clear my DVR instead.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">I don't want to give up. I don't want to <i>not</i> fight for equality and justice and education in basic levels of respect but sometimes people irritate me to the point where I want to grab my ball and go home.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Then, there are times where I get so irritated that I have to at least comment.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Such is the case with this bullshite response <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/life/holidays/2013/12/santa_claus_an_old_white_man_not_anymore_meet_santa_the_penguin_a_new_christmas.html">to this article</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Now, I'm not here to argue what Santa or Jesus looked like (I'm like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYF7H_fpc-g">Kanye in that way</a>). I frankly don't give a shite and that's up to you. You can use facts or whatever you want these guys to look like to motivate your opinions. I can care less if you think either of these figures were real or not too. That's on you and you have the right to believe anything you want to believe in regards to that or how you choose to portray these two figures in your church or house. Whatever. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">My issue is with this line- </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>"</i></b></span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change."- Megyn Kelly</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><i>What?</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Jon Stewart probably described that best last night with "I think that's the official slogan of oppression." I think that's it's also the slogan for the opposite of progress.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Things change. That's the nature of the universe. It's universal law. And, most of the time, it's for the betterment of mankind. Very rarely do you find people fighting to keep things the same or "traditional" to end up on the correct side of history.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jackasses, all.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">And before you say it, I don't believe Megyn Kelly is as bad as the above asshattery. I've actually agreed with her before. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9h6hwFUEuzU">Once.</a> She is also on an inflammatory network that, for all that jazz about "fair and balanced", is really just an outlet to speak in a highly conservative slant. I also don't believe that she is an out and out racist. She may in fact be a racist but I don't get that feel from her and would need a definitive statement to say she is. Racist undertone to her comment? Yes. Intentionally racist? Ehh...</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">I <b><u>DO</u></b> think she is suffering from the same strain of disease that a lot of people with privilege and power suffer from and I'm not talking about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affluenza#As_a_legal_defense">affluenza.</a> It's ignorance of how things are, why they are the way they are and a lack of empathy for others.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">They have this belief that everyone is like them and thinks like them. This is pretty common in all or most members of humanity. The problem with their thinking like this is that they have privilege gained from power from their ancestors in past years that directs how the world <i>actually</i> works. This is why the standards of beauty and the way we think about things are the way they are. The white male viewpoint is the unfortunate default setting and any thinking outside of this causes an uproar and a feeling of "I'm being attacked" or "we're losing" in this group.** Any changes to how they conceive the world should be is answered with an immediate argument and being aghast that you would even suggest something so outlandish.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>"</i></b></span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change."- Megyn Kelly ***</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">The privileged thought process is simple- "It doesn't have to change if it's in support of those in power AKA me. If you complain about it, something is wrong with you and you are being an uppity minority/woman/LGBT person. Tradition is tradition because it's great, for me. You aren't a slave/live in America/have "equal opportunity"*** and if you complain and want things to be more fair, well, then you are attacking my freedom and I can't allow that because I can't lose. My ancestors have never lost and I won't give up any power to help you at the least feel decent about yourself. Stop bringing up old stuff because it's in the past and I don't want to think about it and it hasn't affected me in a truly negative way so who cares?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">I care. </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">Minorities care. Women care. The oppressed care. And if you really give a damn about humanity, you </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">SHOULD</i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"> care. It's not losing when someone else wins or gets a little more freedom. We all win. And that should be our ultimate goal in everything. </span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;">We all win and we are better humans because of it.</span><br />
<br />
Stop being an arse. Be a good human.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>*This industry has its own issues with race, sexual orientation and gender representation.</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>**Which is INSANE since white dudes haven't lost since the year 982 when Native Americans <a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_19864_6-ridiculous-lies-you-believe-about-founding-america.html">whupped up on some Vikings</a>. White dudes are in fact the Harlem Globetrotters of history.</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>***'Fuck out of here...</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><b><i>****Bullshit.</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-57593838283651623622013-11-27T00:33:00.001-08:002013-11-27T00:34:39.400-08:00A New York Magic MomentThere are rare moments when you are reminded that people can be alright and not stressful and can make you feel good to enjoy their company for a time. I find these moments occur a lot but usually when you aren't looking for them. Strangers can come into your existence for a second and be your pal for that moment and it's great. Single serving pals can be wonderful. Here is the story of my train ride with cool, tired people.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://seancantdrink.blogspot.com/2013/11/tribe-and-yeezus.html">I had just left the ATCQ/Yeezus concert</a> and hiked to the A train. My plan was to catch the F train at the next stop uptown and ride that all the way to the bus home. For some reason, the F was acting funky and only got me a little into Manhattan before I had enough and said "Screw it. I'll take my chances with the J."<br />
<br />
I go to the J platform expecting to deal with more MTA late night shenanigans but surprisingly the train arrives pretty quickly. I get on and grab an empty seat by some young, Latino woman with a nose ring. I'm tired but amped from the activities I just left and figure that the ride home will be pretty much about me being alone in my thoughts with no interactions with others. This is generally how I like it but this lady beside me had other ideas.<br />
<br />
"Where are you coming from?" she asked me. I could tell by the drawl of her voice that she had also had a few drinks in her system for the night.<br />
<br />
"Brooklyn. The Kanye concert. It was cool," I replied.<br />
<br />
"Really? That's cool. Where are you going now?" she asked.<br />
<br />
"Home, to sleep," I answered. "Last stop."<br />
<br />
"Well," she said, putting her hand on my arm. " Do you mind if I take a nap on your shoulder? I'm getting off at the Junction and I'm tired from dancing all night. I'm a stripper."<br />
<br />
(At this point I was gonna let her sleep on my shoulder anyway because frak it, she wasn't gonna bug me by doing so and although, I want to think I'm noble <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/sleeping-stranger-subway-picture_n_4228826.html">like this fine fellow</a>* I realize I'm shallow enough that I'll let an attractive woman use me as a pillow. Anyway...)<br />
<br />
"Cool," I said.<br />
<br />
"No, I really am," she said. At this point I look across the way at this older black lady, her friend and this woman who was closer in age to me. They all looked at me and smiled, particularly the latter woman.<br />
<br />
My seat buddy digs into her bag and pulls out here shoes a bit so I could see the clear heels.<br />
<br />
"See? I'm a stripper," she said again.<br />
<br />
"Aight," I replied because really what else was I supposed to say?<br />
<br />
So, she put her shoes back in her bag and closed it up. Then she wrapped her arm through my arm and proceeded to doze off on my shoulder. She woke up every couple of stops to remind me that she was getting off at the Junction and I just told her to go back to sleep, I'd make sure she got off at the right stop.<br />
The entire time the three people across from us were just smiling and laughing at this entire scene.<br />
<br />
At one point she got up and said something about how her mother was going to be pissed with her because although she was just eating dinner after her shift, her mother would probably think something else since she was getting home so late. Why she told me this, I had no clue but I just told her to be honest and she had nothing to worry about.<br />
<br />
I actually enjoyed the comfort of her being there with her arm wrapped around mine. It was a very non-sexual moment with someone whose work was wrapped up intricately in the world of sex, or at least the fantasy of sex. It was just nice to have the human contact and with nothing implied or wanted or anything awkward in the moment. For that short train ride we were just two buddies enjoying the comfort of being at ease. And judging by the smiles of the folks around us, it was contagious.<br />
<br />
There are a few moments when you realize how awesome NYC is. Sure the people here can be brusque and maybe even rude and the transit system and the weather can suck. But at the heart of all that rushing, fast-paced, tough people existence the people of this city can just be calm and cool and helpful. We can all vibe off our energy and enjoy the crazy life trip we are all partners in, at least for awhile.<br />
<br />
I nudge my stripper friend awake at Chauncey street, the stop before the Junction. She smirks and says "Good. I'm almost home and awake, no thanks to you."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, whatever, girl," I say back. "Just get home safe and rest."<br />
<br />
"Will do," she replies as we roll into her stop. "Thanks for the shoulder. Night."<br />
<br />
"Night."<br />
<br />
The train rolls on. The old lady and her friend (actually it was friends) ride with me to the last stop. The Latino woman about my age across for me has really enjoyed watching me interact with my dancing pal. When she finally gets to her stop, she smiles and says "You're nice. Have a good night."<br />
<br />
"Take care," I say back, realizing that if I didn't sit next to that chick and she didn't ask for the use of my brawny man shoulders then we wouldn't have exchanged any words.<br />
<br />
Wow.<br />
<br />
Strippers can be magical.<br />
<br />
So can this damn city.<br />
<br />
I liked you for a brief moment, humanity. Thanks.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyH614F6STlp_q2OBO4mRlgV9IQYz-ugsVeMadoZ4LtueFPz4kEqxB7JSoVEQsQgcMatIQwb-Z-OQN3DnCdizUmRN6n7D_X_2RyS48rC5dc5jimlFAb6pzd1LlZfMMHbWcr114cvxdu9E/s1600/nicehuman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyH614F6STlp_q2OBO4mRlgV9IQYz-ugsVeMadoZ4LtueFPz4kEqxB7JSoVEQsQgcMatIQwb-Z-OQN3DnCdizUmRN6n7D_X_2RyS48rC5dc5jimlFAb6pzd1LlZfMMHbWcr114cvxdu9E/s320/nicehuman.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Please and thank you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b><i>* I actually DID think about this guy when she asked me so I guess I'm a little better than I think of myself at times.</i></b><br />
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-66490949272900376982013-10-11T22:49:00.000-07:002013-10-17T21:53:45.087-07:00StrangeBefore I start, my dad is out the hospital after like 50 + days and I've taken baby steps to reconnect with an <a href="http://kalthrace.tumblr.com/post/61895106636/still-havent-watched-this-show-dont-think-i" target="_blank">old friend/weird relationship</a> lady friend. So <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2013/08/so.html" target="_blank">most of this</a> is good or at least moving forward.<br />
<br />
Started back to tutoring last week. Only working one day during the week at my friend's place right now but it's cool and I'm still looking for other gigs as usual. The normal shite.<br />
<br />
So, this week I went in as usual and held the elevator for this woman with a cane because I'm an awesome dude like that.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good advice. Be like me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I had a weird moment of staring and smiling with her as we watched the numbers on the panel light up. She ended up getting off on the same floor as me. Okay. She was a fellow tutor, who has apparently been working with the same group for the past 4 years but we've never met.<br />
<br />
We were both early. I said hi to my friend and other people I knew but somehow we (me and the elevator chick) just dropped into conversation about random stuff with each other <i><b>REALLY</b></i> easily. It was strange.<br />
<br />
It was weird that we had that moment (or at least I had that moment with her) and the ease of talking with a stranger was unusual for me. I'm very charming, false modesty be damned, and can talk to pretty much anyway I meet but this was different.<br />
<br />
I have no idea what it means or if it means anything. I have a horrible habit of reading into things which I blame entirely on being a pop culture victim, with rom-coms, sci-fi and comic books being the usual suspects.<br />
<br />
I've had times where I have talked with folks and during the course of a conversation had my brain tell me "You and this person will be real cool." I've had times where I've thought "Wow. That person is really attractive. I want make out with them" in public. This wasn't any of that.*<br />
<br />
Is there a thing as <a href="http://kalthrace.tumblr.com/post/62077241288/omgwang-they-had-never-met-before-but-decided" target="_blank">"friendship at first sight"</a>? We'll see where this goes.<br />
<br />
PS- Totally unrelated note but I've learned that more of my friends, particularly the female ones, are more geeky than I knew. This shouldn't be a surprise to me, "birds of a feather" and the such, but it was.**<br />
<br />
<b><u>UPDATE-</u></b> Never mind.<br />
<br />
<b><i>*Not saying she wasn't attractive. She was but I wouldn't say she was "my type."*** Anyway...</i></b><br />
<b><i>**I reread that and it's a bit sexist of me to not think they would be. I'm working on that patriarchal thinking instilled in my brain.</i></b><br />
<b><i>***Do I even have a type? <a href="http://kalthrace.tumblr.com/post/60109607163/fashiontipsfromcomicstrips-comic-graphic">Hmmm...</a></i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-23848327533686263482013-10-11T21:47:00.000-07:002013-10-11T22:14:13.503-07:00Bullshite/Just Do ItI've come to a realization.<br />
<br />
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No, not a realization but something obvious that I already knew but have a tough time applying to the reality because, well, I'm me.<br />
<br />
I need to write and there is no valid excuse not to be writing pretty much whenever I get a free moment.<br />
<br />
I mean, I already kinda do but those writing jags come in bursts and I have full ideas for stories that I've either a) have completed <b><i>only</i></b> in my head b) should be stopped/put off for later because I don't have a really good ending or c) have not uploaded/shared.<br />
<br />
A lot of the time I invent excuses for not writing and the big one is always access to the necessary equipment, ie a computer.<br />
<br />
This is bullshit.<br />
<br />
People were writing before these magical boxes were created. Hell, I was writing before this thing. I still write with pen and paper mostly now anyway. The only thing about not having constant access to a computer is a valid excuse for is the quantity of content put on the internet by me. I can update my Tumblr and Pinterest pretty regularly so there should be no reason for me not to do the same with these blogs.<br />
<br />
So, time to stop the bs and just do it. Throw up (good) work and get this noise in my head out into the world on a consistent basis as opposed to those nights where I'm in the zone.<br />
<br />
Keep me honest, <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2013/08/so.html" target="_blank">Russians and Latvians</a>.SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-84431736820258570972013-08-26T23:17:00.002-07:002013-08-26T23:17:27.261-07:00Idiom Series SeventeenI got nothing. Anything, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBFlhlUuPLU" target="_blank">Sir Rick James?</a><br />
<br />
"Hate To Say It..."<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyIudPrQIjY" target="_blank">C'mon, son</a>. You LOVE the chance to say it. If you didn't, you probably wouldn't even be thinking it, much less letting those words come to your lips.<br />
<br />
I find that people who say this generally are the same people who must have the last word in anything. They have to express their opinions and that's cool most of the time. But sometimes they become arseholes and just want to say things to irritate or prove that they are correct, even if they aren't. Victory is vital for this special brand of human.<br />
<br />
If you <b><i>really</i></b> hated to say it, guess what you could have done?<br />
<br />
That's right because this is going on in my head whenever you speak anyway.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNm0Lhalr4Oh3Dfsgr6puF7jeM-GQlNX8cxwyTbSOKlEpqx7Ab4YrkQJLFdIKd4KxutRegmoo2V-zAg7a91CBjyv_rfE6fSzD6ggviHf0g2RK51D0XKaKlRcv2Mg2w1WJWnHdYXcZVkaY/s1600/okay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNm0Lhalr4Oh3Dfsgr6puF7jeM-GQlNX8cxwyTbSOKlEpqx7Ab4YrkQJLFdIKd4KxutRegmoo2V-zAg7a91CBjyv_rfE6fSzD6ggviHf0g2RK51D0XKaKlRcv2Mg2w1WJWnHdYXcZVkaY/s320/okay.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-90275894544449928072013-08-26T08:49:00.001-07:002013-08-26T08:49:28.536-07:00Grindin'This is my nephew.<br />
<br />
He's a senior in high school.<br />
<br />
He's taller and cooler than me.<br />
<br />
I'm old.<br />
<br />
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<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-45676462341196514772013-08-25T03:29:00.002-07:002013-08-26T23:20:37.626-07:00so...Will really update whenever I get home later today but what's going on with me?<br />
<br />
Well...<br />
<br />
-Dad is back in the hospital. Been there pretty much all week but I wasn't informed until 2 AM on Thursday morning. They are unsure of what exactly is wrong this time and are still running tests. He is in isolation and so I have to wear a mask and gloves when I see him.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaY6kAU89UrZxGMPkw1ETRIvS_M5zo_2bHLwmgFt5nemW0gDB4R2_9wz1jZ0KceNrvvnnALIMX9_4lUga4olWCDNsdAe6etntAtjk86Q35Bh3dfW4EI5MwT5n6iokDO-ZVqVh2mYiLsG0/s1600/BaneTDKR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaY6kAU89UrZxGMPkw1ETRIvS_M5zo_2bHLwmgFt5nemW0gDB4R2_9wz1jZ0KceNrvvnnALIMX9_4lUga4olWCDNsdAe6etntAtjk86Q35Bh3dfW4EI5MwT5n6iokDO-ZVqVh2mYiLsG0/s320/BaneTDKR.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I totally got sidelined while I searched for this by <a href="http://nicolejeancosplay.tumblr.com/post/48940144860/lady-bane-costume-made-and-worn-by-me-nicole" target="_blank">THIS</a>. I'm simple.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
This type of activity has been going on for awhile and doesn't get easier. This is particularly true because outside of his wife I'm the one that sees him and so he shares all the melancholy with me that he won't tell anyone else. It gets kinda heavy especially as his health doesn't improve; it just becomes bearable.<br />
<br />
-Airing out my room since the plumbing in my house decided to crap out and back all the pipes up yesterday. Me and my uncle figured out what the problem was so no plumber was necessary (which was good) but since all the pipes are connected in the grand scheme of things, I had to clean some interesting stuff out my shower (which was <b>HORRIBLE</b>).<br />
<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrYC0ti-lbLFJ6zxXt94Oz5QRUmQzDeK1ykbgZCHfXy5EHqChaJ7ZCm7Wi2Vs434iZq9TY6G16s2lZ84mso0wUkDSQFapOPSZvoSBPoLKAEKe2XqOuoq8QbWXrGkrVGwJw6wFKrIllo4/s1600/waluigi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrYC0ti-lbLFJ6zxXt94Oz5QRUmQzDeK1ykbgZCHfXy5EHqChaJ7ZCm7Wi2Vs434iZq9TY6G16s2lZ84mso0wUkDSQFapOPSZvoSBPoLKAEKe2XqOuoq8QbWXrGkrVGwJw6wFKrIllo4/s320/waluigi.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So my morning was just this. Fail.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
-Still trying to get my personal statement perfect. You know, for someone who shares pretty freely on this thing, writing that is tougher than I expected.<br />
<br />
-Cleaned out the shed with my brother yesterday. That came about because while I was dealing with the plumbing I was looking for a wet-vac out there. I found two of them. With no hoses. Pissed me off so I finally went through the place with my brother and organized my family's hoarder stash. Massive job.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrJDVU063q7_HZt7MnnEfmsT0gAVSDu3BRmGeH-on1l6_v1POojKC95HoULnLhACRII7amJV7_B2_VE8sknY7OmQy0YMDp6x8qIe2gQmVEJSNT6TnY7Cn4_RdnwhC7wsE7Du1wFiITWZw/s1600/Smaug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrJDVU063q7_HZt7MnnEfmsT0gAVSDu3BRmGeH-on1l6_v1POojKC95HoULnLhACRII7amJV7_B2_VE8sknY7OmQy0YMDp6x8qIe2gQmVEJSNT6TnY7Cn4_RdnwhC7wsE7Du1wFiITWZw/s320/Smaug.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, I just called my aunt Smaug. What of it?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
-Still having to force myself from e-mailing/texting my friend I "broke up" with. My timing is always impeccable and the person I would discuss all of the above with is the person I can't/shouldn't talk with. Plus, I only am in steady communication with only two of my friends right now so that makes things even better. I'm a winner like that.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBFlgSivMJOeehRHYC8Nw0oiukMibHT19e02kS7P3XCU1itlYFbf4hli7PpKo6mgF-qJSlPS56H6Wq-SiKDle0P6VF4_rCcDlMAl1XOtFcK7k9eqTJbpiODv_xx09zFvlgCB5GLbz6oIA/s1600/mckaylaobama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBFlgSivMJOeehRHYC8Nw0oiukMibHT19e02kS7P3XCU1itlYFbf4hli7PpKo6mgF-qJSlPS56H6Wq-SiKDle0P6VF4_rCcDlMAl1XOtFcK7k9eqTJbpiODv_xx09zFvlgCB5GLbz6oIA/s320/mckaylaobama.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They are no amused by my whining or my sarcasm.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I appreciate my one friend who reads this (one of the aforementioned "two") and all the random Latvians and Russians who stumble onto my page but it's not the same.* I miss her although it was the right call to make, hopefully.<br />
<br />
So, that's a quick rundown of some of what's been up with me recently. Not happy about it all but I've gotten some good advice recently...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCI54fLSUmj3dN1nzkynXBCdywdB22fjX-527KDalkVbpM-HcLwMgn0LPOnx01puVvM4I1pwGZniHAuG4vFH5m6YwffbL0QSU1ik0mDn6M9SnCii1AwyLIrMhFwVqmbhP4En5uP1YZmoA/s1600/lifebish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCI54fLSUmj3dN1nzkynXBCdywdB22fjX-527KDalkVbpM-HcLwMgn0LPOnx01puVvM4I1pwGZniHAuG4vFH5m6YwffbL0QSU1ik0mDn6M9SnCii1AwyLIrMhFwVqmbhP4En5uP1YZmoA/s320/lifebish.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF8aaTu2kg0" target="_blank">I can do this all day, sucka.</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
How have y'all been? I'm looking at you, Vlad in Moscow.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>*But I do like saying I'm a big deal in Latvia nowadays because it makes me sound like Dr. Doom a bit.**</b></i><br />
<i><b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suW0AOAAnic" target="_blank">**"I will always be your better, Richards. You cannot hope to defeat DOOM!!!!</a>"</b></i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-9780226363933860442013-08-09T08:09:00.001-07:002013-08-09T19:47:56.914-07:00VisionAs I've gotten older, I've learned to want more stuff. I used to not care about stuff and I still don't think about it as much as other people I know. I've been told I live a spartan lifestyle and I embrace it, both by choice and circumstance. But, I also like cool stuff* and things that "speak to me", as cliche as that sounds.<br />
<br />
I've also have had a vision of myself in the near future (5-10 years from now currently) running in my head at various times since about 2006. I think people do this a lot, specifically when you imagine a lottery win or something. Elements vary but for the last few months the vision has sorta solidified in my head.<br />
<br />
The following is a list of my daydream/hope to make real life stuff I want-<br />
<br />
#small house near a beach (I need water and I hear Southern Cali calling)<br />
#art on walls (This is a <a href="http://seanfields.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/art/">throwback list</a>)<br />
#nice, small backyard with covered deck, something I can work on<br />
#shed for tools necessary to work on stuff, also maybe a cool hidden spy wall<br />
#writing room with illustrated wall, corkboard, whiteboard<br />
#jeep wrangler or similar (reminds me, I <b><i>NEED</i></b> to get a new license)<br />
#comfy clothes<br />
#nice bank account (I don't need to ball out of control but check to check is wack sauce)<br />
#books written, done and working on new projects<br />
#comfy couch<br />
#cool bedroom<br />
#nice extra bedroom<br />
#punching bag and weights<br />
#baseball caps that look good on me<br />
<br />
Stuff in my pocket of jeans below the faded Superman t-shirt I'm wearing<br />
#slim wallet<br />
#keys to something just for me<br />
#decent, sturdy phone (maybe a G'Zone)<br />
#multitool with knife<br />
#headphones<br />
#gum<br />
#watch (I need to start wearing watches)<br />
#dog tags<br />
#rubberbands<br />
#pen<br />
#paper<br />
#lighter<br />
<br />
That's it for right now. This list will change but this is pretty close to the image in my head right now of Future Sean.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>*Just a heads up, if you want to see this kinda represented in visual form because I don't feel like cutting and pasting images right now go to <a href="http://pinterest.com/kalthrace/boards/">http://pinterest.com/kalthrace/boards/</a> and check out my interests. This stuff is mostly inspired or inspires the board called <a href="http://pinterest.com/kalthrace/cool-stuff/">Cool Stuff.</a></b></i>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-35769536568416433642013-08-08T03:10:00.000-07:002013-08-13T09:27:20.971-07:00No One Wants To Be A Red Shirt*<i>*that title makes no sense and really doesn't even relate to this post but whatever, I haven't slept yet</i><br />
<i><br /></i>It's early and I'm usually up around this time since I walk my mom to the bus pretty much daily. I should be going back to sleep or trying to get some since I have work today and sleep is just good for you. I had planned on sleeping but thinking about a current situation made me get up and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. So, here we are and I just drunk a Red Bull Blue Edition which has no effect on me except making me want to pee but I enjoy the taste so let's see what I can get down before my body knocks me out. It may be more rambling than usual so I apologize in advance. This is pretty stream of consciousness right now.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.brandinfection.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/red-bull-special-editions-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="http://www.brandinfection.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/red-bull-special-editions-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meek Mill's yelling will have to do the job these won't.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've been thinking about a lot of my relationships recently, including the one that made me leave the comfort of my bed. I've also been on a personal hiatus from dealing with people. This is a result of a few factors- needing a human break, figuring out how much effort others would put into our relationship when I stopped doing most of the heavy lifting*, recommitting myself to my New Year's goal of being more selfish and generally trying to get my shite together.<br />
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My New Year's goal has been going pretty piss poor. I <b>HAVE</b> been doing better than previous years, especially in these last 2 or 3 months but I have still been overextending myself for the people I care about and even a few who I'm "ehhhh" about. I blame it mostly on my upbringing. Although <a href="http://cagedtherapy.blogspot.com/2008/09/rundown-with-sean-not-seann.html">my younger years had craziness</a>, I was raised by people who taught me to generally not be an asshole and look out for people. I've found that people I know are mostly good and it's kind of hard to break my habit of being there for others, even at my own expense.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But frak all of that! I'm going to still look out for people but I'm keeping the balance better and I come before anyone else, except my mom who is awesome.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So, selfishness is back in full motherfuckin' effect! Wait. It can't be back since it wasn't really here to begin with. I mean, selfishness is going down! (<i>basement</i>)</div>
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<br /></div>
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In addition to that, I have to admit something. I've been reading biographies and self-help books for awhile now. Like <b>TWO YEARS</b> "awhile." I think it comes from me trying to figure out me and find a solution for problems I encounter in life. I've never done this before because I've been more of a "free spirit"** and since I've been less flighty I've been trying to find my center.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Only kids and childish movie viewers like me will get this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've been looking for words of wisdom, good advice from successful people, bad advice from screw-ups,*** ideas on finding peace/"the way"/happiness. Hell, I even did a tarot reading and I REALLY don't believe in that voodoo shite. But, we all gotta pay "stupid tax" from time to time. It's why the lottery still exists.****<br />
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<div>
Anyway, I came to two conclusions from all of this motivational introspection and heavy reading-</div>
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1) There is some good universal advice. Universal truths do exist about certain things.</div>
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2) Everyone finds their own way to happiness. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The first conclusion has helped me adjust some things in how approach people and situations. I have even started to compile the wisdom most helpful to me in a little leather book to get me through. It's my bible for remaining calm and finding the proper path for me.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, really. I really did do this. Ask to see it if you see me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The second conclusion is even more important. We all have different goals and have to get there in our own ways. And I know what you are thinking because I thought it as soon as I typed that sentence-<i> "Duh. No shit, Sherlock." </i>The thing is I know this and you know this but during those dark moments when we doubt ourselves or those horrible instances where we are envious of someone else's success/contentment, we often forget that simple fact. We can't live others' lives, <a href="http://rapgenius.com/Jay-z-holy-grail-lyrics#note-1947270">we wouldn't want to if we knew what bullshit they had to deal with in their heads</a> and very rarely is someone else's idea of happiness the same as ours. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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And with knowing and relearning both these facts you gotta sometimes make hard calls. It may be changing your focus or choosing a new path. It may be extricating yourself from a relationship or situation that's not beneficial to you. It may be reaffirming your commitment to a project/relationship/plan even when others doubt you. It may be making yourself less available to others and becoming more selfish. It may be being alone. It may be looking for a new tribe to hang with. It may be doing nothing because you are already happy on your current path.*****</div>
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<br /></div>
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Ultimately, you have to choose what's best for you and what's going to bring you your particular brand of happiness. The world turns whether you are content or not but the merry-go-round is less bumpy when you have joy in your soul.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Okay. My babbling in this post is done. I'm actually feeling better about everything and I think this post wasn't <b>TOO</b> terrible but I haven't reread it. Hold on.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Yeah.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Whatever. It is what it is.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Be happy, folks.</span></u></i></b></div>
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<b><i>*answer-not a lot</i></b></div>
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<b><i>**my pal once called me a "hippie", another called me a "man-whore." Both were valid calls, ref</i></b></div>
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<b><i>***which is overlooked but is HIGHLY educational</i></b></div>
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<b><i>****I'm highly pissed I loss last night's PowerBall and can't travel the world training like Bruce Wayne</i></b></div>
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<b><i>*****fuck you. no, seriously, go to hell, you lucky bastard (joking...mostly)</i></b></div>
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SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-23959133056102130002013-07-23T00:16:00.001-07:002013-07-23T00:19:56.141-07:00So, I Have About Ten Post Done.......or pretty much done. Or at least done to the level that if I take another 5-10 minutes with them I would be cool with posting them on here and <a href="http://evthingundathasun.blogspot.com/">here</a> and <a href="http://seanfields.wordpress.com/">here.</a><br />
<br />
But I haven't posted anything really lately.<br />
<br />
And it's not that I'm afraid or even being lazy (shocker) about it or even falling into<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kkp8DVBwXc"> the internet wormhole of random searching</a>. Or at least not too much of the last one.<br />
<br />
I don't really know exactly why I haven't put up anything. I don't really censor myself much here, particularly not when I'm the one to be potentially embarrassed. It's just been about a month or so of being shocked by different news events, questioning myself and, specifically, most of my relationships with other human beings. Things like how I interact with folks, how people interact with me, what I accept, what's my boundary line, how much effort I'm going to put into people and things... It goes on and on and I sometimes think I should share this with someone but those I would<i> normally</i> share this kind of thinking with are the ones who are in these thoughts. It's crazy.<br />
<br />
So, I've dedicated myself to figuring out what is going on and resolving these issues. It's not going to be fun and I'm probably going to be more upset, mostly with myself, but this is the way to move forward and not totally become that dude that lives alone in the mountains growing a beard.<b><i>*</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
While I work on all that I'm going to do my best to post those blogs, complete some good stories and basically get my shite back together.<br />
<br />
Gotta boost brand ME and make that the priority. Everything else falls into place after that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>*that ACTUALLY sounds alright, as long as I have a pet and reliable internet.</i></b>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-4925849634691815502013-07-06T22:43:00.001-07:002013-07-06T22:43:18.548-07:00I Still Don't Understand WomenYeah. The title pretty much says it.<br />
<br />
That's all.<br />
<br />
Well, you can make that "don't understand PEOPLE" to be truly accurate but I'm just talking about women right now.<br />
<br />
Just sayin'.SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-90061121507952248092013-06-25T02:00:00.000-07:002013-06-25T02:01:58.307-07:00Star ShineI just saw a news report about this place- <a href="http://starshinenyc.com/">Star Shine.</a><br />
I'm not really the guy who needs a shoe shine but I got kinda excited about this.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Not for the cleavage view of the women but for the idea of drinking at a new venue.<br />
Growth or a problem with booze?<br />
You decide.SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-60976905699476814332013-06-24T22:24:00.000-07:002013-07-02T22:37:29.771-07:00The Most Interesting Man In The World*<i>*or the closest thing to it in the group of dudes I know</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>"Let's say that there's an event and people around me get invited and I'm not invited. Some part of me will feel like a failure. How can you not? The real me knows that it's just an event, but doubt enters my mind about why I'm not there. Is it because I'm not good enough?"</b><br />
<b><i>- Questlove, Mo' Meta Blues</i></b><br />
<br />
I have a friend from high school who is living the life. Actually, I have a few friends from high school who are living the life but this guy is perhaps the closest in what people that are single would consider "the life." He travels a great deal, always is up for a good time, gets me involved in shenanigans so noteworthy I have to scroll through photos on my phone from the night before to gain an accurate view of what happened, Memento style*, and he is never without a pretty and/or cool lady around.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWmBETDWy67q8vWhljt1DiEjo2AbNb7irbD1qTZqqkGt1P3H7PsSbChm1PlTKqfEuY_tN4QHAqUedS6ux2IERVC9TWwtf0aEi6UYJdSlg0Q55C6cYn5AZ1O7qvA2-vw_Y4SkmpMiC_VTQ/s1600/mimiw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWmBETDWy67q8vWhljt1DiEjo2AbNb7irbD1qTZqqkGt1P3H7PsSbChm1PlTKqfEuY_tN4QHAqUedS6ux2IERVC9TWwtf0aEi6UYJdSlg0Q55C6cYn5AZ1O7qvA2-vw_Y4SkmpMiC_VTQ/s320/mimiw.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So, this guy but younger and blacker.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What always amazes me is the fact that he always contacts me to hang out when we are in the same town. I mean I used to be a real barrel of monkeys and can still be pretty chill but I'm DEFINITELY am a Triple-A player compared to his Yankees level party abilities. So, I think about it and what it means because, really, what better way to enjoy time with someone than to WAY over-think it and question yourself being in that moment? Or am I the only one?<br />
<br />
Then I look at my other friends and see similar effects. If there is an event involving alcohol and music, then I get the call. It's like I'm the catalyst to up the ante or continue the party or break out "the shark fin."** Or be "the black guy at the party."<br />
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<br />
The flip side to this and what I have been noticing more recently is that I'm very rarely invited to just chill events or sometimes I don't even hear from my friends unless something is needed or a party is going down. This is due to a lot of factors I think, including but not limited to my friends getting married, having kids, working on life dream moves.... basically, a lot of things I think the world believes I should be doing at my age.*** And I understand. I totally get it. I understand if I'm not invited to the couples outing or people getting busy working on something that they don't just holler out of the blue.<br />
<br />
It doesn't mean it's not frustrating or disheartening. I would like the random "wassup with you?" text, especially if you are just asking what is going on with me with no other reason behind it. For the most part, I'll probably respond and then ask you the same and you can complain/brag all you want afterwards anyway. I like to hear about people's lives, if they aren't boring as shite. Hell, I even like random e-mails that are funny; it at least tells me this person was thinking about something interesting/funny and thought about me.<br />
<br />
I actually looked at my e-mails for the last week or so and after I cut out spam, e-mail blasts (do people still call them that?) and e-mail threads I started, I think I had maybe 2 e-mails from someone not wanting me to do something for them and just saying "hey" or "look at this."<br />
<br />
This is reading as whiny to me but I do feel sort of forgotten at times and even if that isn't reality, the feelings still remain. I honestly don't mind being alone and sometimes appreciate but I also feel lonely during those moments when I think about my pals and how I don't hear from them in the same volume. People change and grow and evolve and live their lives. I get it. It just sucks a bit when you feel and fear that those people you care about are outgrowing you.<br />
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<br />
Okay. That was depressing and more sad at the end than I really feel. I don't age like Hancock but I'm sure someone would pick me up from a hospital. Preferably Charlize Theron. But that feeling of being a part of the world but separate and lonely at times? I get that.<br />
<br />
Anyway, that's my sad sack moment for the night. I'm sure once I get busier and back on course about some things, I'll feel better. Don't cry for me, Internet. Just recognize that sometimes a friend just needs another friend to give them a shout for no reason. It makes them feel better and will probably do the same for you.<br />
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<i><b>*I seriously only kind of remember the 2008 Election Night in LV and only pieced that together from phone pics.</b></i><br />
<i><b>**Inside joke; sorry, I'll try not to do that again. It's too much to explain; well, not really but I'm just lazy about it right now.</b></i><br />
<i><b>***I actually am trying on these fronts, trust me...except for the kid thing. Wrap it up, kids!</b></i>SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8116878479454560867.post-11953837141397870612013-06-24T22:23:00.000-07:002013-06-24T22:23:48.208-07:00Physical Current Contents of a Life-socks<br />
-3 pair of sneakers (one pair needs a thorough cleaning)<br />
-underwear and t-shirts<br />
-t-shirts with stuff on 'em<br />
-khakis, lots of khakis<br />
-4 or 5 pairs of jeans (but only like 2 I like to wear)<br />
-2 nice shorts<br />
-couple of b-ball shorts<br />
-one pair of swimming trunks<br />
-some dressy slacks, I think<br />
-a giant pic of a drunken me that a friend took for one of his art projects<br />
-3 or 4 USB flash drives<br />
-non-working laptop with 2 (2!) working laptop cases<br />
-books, a lot of books<br />
-comic books, too many comic books<br />
-a nice painting from a my best friend and his wife<br />
-Kindle, again a gift from same friend (remind me to get him something nice when "I make it")<br />
-lots of notebooks of various sizes with various things in them<br />
-ripped wallet with business cards, MetroCards and not much cash<br />
-beat up passport (which I REALLY need to renew)<br />
-duffel bag<br />
-2 pair of boots<br />
-2 or 3 pair of shoes<br />
-2 suit jackets (which might be too big or too small)<br />
-4 or 5 hoodies<br />
-3 or 4 jackets/coats<br />
-sweaters, particularly a nice Mister Rogers-esque one which was a gift from a student<br />
-4 or 5 sketchbooks<br />
-2 or 3 bookbags<br />
-little used weights (clarification- they aren't little in size, they are just not used as much as they should be)<br />
-BlackBerry<br />
-iRiver, which was very helpful during Sandy's landfall<br />
-non-functioning camera (I really need a new one<br />
-VAULTZ lockbox and contents (pics, dogtags, seashells, tickets stubs, etc.)<br />
-slippers/sandals<br />
-some DVDs (that I have to get back before this woman leaves town)<br />
-Snuggie, blue, bright blue<br />
-random little items (plastic gundam figure, little Buddha, sunglasses, RealD 3D glasses)<br />
-baseball caps I don't wear (I still suck at pulling off that look)<br />
-fancy hats, like 2<br />
-pocket knife<br />
-toothbrush<br />
-electronic razor<br />
-glasses because I am blind<br />
- nail clipper with a Puerto Rican flag on it (???)<br />
-2 or 3 bandanas<br />
-random junk I can probably toss (papers with outdated/bad ideas, stolen memorabilia, stupid things I'll never use, old certificates, disks, etc.)<br />
<br />SeanFieldshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10257311563424696645noreply@blogger.com0