Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Idiom Series Fifteen

Fifteen... Freshman Fifteen? I got nothing, folks.

"Things could be better/worse."
Typography by Josh Lafayette.

Another one I'm guilty of using too much AKA saying it at all.

OF COURSE things could be better or worse. You could always be more happy, have a little more or enjoy the experience on a deeper level. You could also get hit by that car, lose your job or catch terminal cancer that'll take your life in three to six months.

This is LIFE.

It goes up and down. To say this either a)makes you seem like a slow thinker if you are saying it and/or b)seem like an asshole for stepping on someone's current position in life. Maybe all they wanted was someone to congratulate them or just acknowledge their pain. It's obvious that their cut in salary may not be as bad as the starving kid's very existence in a Third World country but it is still cool for you to be like "I'm sorry to hear that. Let's get a drink."

It's the simple stuff, folks.

Idiom Series Fourteen

Seven is my favorite number and is probably a lot of other folks' favorite number. So, it should stand that twice such an outstanding number would give you an equally awesome or even better number. Alas, this doesn't work out, like being with twin hot sisters. It just gets awkward and, hence, we have fourteen.

"I'm not surprised."

Bullshit. If you knew this was coming, why didn't you warn the rest of us, Nostradamus?

No. You were just as surprised as the rest of us, buddy. You are just to smug to admit it.

Jerkface. You have the face of a jerk.
I have a number of friends who say this. I think they do it to prove how jaded and worldly and knowledgeable they are. That behavior was acceptable when you were in your dumb teens to stupid early to mid twenties, but you are an adult now. And, unless you are an immortal vampire, chances are something is gonna surprise you most of the time. The person might not catch you off-guard but I bet you even money their dumb and/or heinous actions did. Hell, Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU is still surprised at times after all these years.

So, stop being smug and admit it. You were just as much in shock as the rest of us, pally.

Idiom Series Thirteen

They say the number is thirteen is unlucky. I don't believe that. Plus, this post is being thrown up in 2013. That's lucky, right?

"Best ever."

I'm guilty of using this one excessively. It's really a stupid thing to say. I freely admit it. There has to be a better way to convey your appreciation of something without using this piece of hyperbole.

This statement is an impossibility. The only way to know something is the best version ever is to know every version. I guess you can say "This is the best thing I've ever seen" although that is probably untrue or maybe you would  be in the clear if you said "This is the best ever, so far."

But the thing is no one restrains themselves in that way. We always go for the extreme argument. Hell, I'm doing it now. This idiom is annoying and must die but won't.

It is a Highlander idiom and I will continue to try and chop off its head as much as possible.

Friendly reminder