Sunday, December 13, 2009

Just Some Rules.....

Because we all need rules. Even Lillian.

-Think hard before you wear skinny or boot cut jeans. Seriously. Contemplate it. Is that look going to work for you? Yeah. Didn't think so. Take off that tight ass shirt, too.

-The Golden Rule. It's real and the basis for most other rules. Pretty much if you follow that then you are 95% in the clear.

-Mohawks. Only four kinds of people are able to rock this kind of haircut- little kids, punk rockers, Native Americans and Mr. T. Everyone else, CUT THAT SHIT OUT! I don't care if your friends think your "faux-hawk" is cool. You look like a douche AND a Night Elf Mohawk.

-Don't talk shit. Look carefully at that guy whose mother you are about to insult. Outweighs you by about 30 pounds, right? Do you really wanna do this? No, you don't.
Listen, everyone believes they are tough and I get that. Sometimes you have to check to see where you are at on the toughness scale. Most of the times, though, you know when you are fighting in the wrong weight class. Walk away.
Also, ladies in the bar- stop it. Stop talking shit to dudes. I wouldn't talk shit to a 7 ft tall MMA fighter. I know the consequences. You think that there are no consequences and that is the issue. There MIGHT not be a dude that lays hands on you but no one respects the craziness for any reason.

-Don't let anybody eat your cornbread. On the other hand, sometimes you are put into situations where you have not instigated the scenario. You can walk away most of the time but never give up yourself in the moment. Be the bigger person whenever you can. But don't back down without standing up for yourself a bit.

-Silence is golden. Sometimes speaking up is ABSOLUTELY necessary. Most of the time, the better option is keeping it shut.

-Women- Don't ask if you look fat or if an outfit makes you look fat. Stop it. You know the answer.

-Men- Don't ask how many guys your girl has been with. There is no correct answer. Get over it. She is with you now.

-If you want to be single, BE SINGLE. Don't be greedy, don't cheat, don't lie and don't lead people on.

-Take care of your kids.
That means more than just giving them money (but do that too). Keep them out of trouble as much as you can and support them emotionally.

-The Twilight book series isn't good. Not a rule; I'm just sayin'.

-If you are over 25, stop fighting, particularly in public.
We use grown-up things like words nowadays. Of course, this changes with liquor in your situation but still, try and chill out.

-Have a way out.

-Muffin tops- ehh, not cute and only good in this, this or this context, with Ghostface. Wear clothes that fit.

-You can be friends with your exes. It just takes time and some effort if you want to. Sometimes it's worth it; sometimes it's not. The general rule, which varies depending on how deep your relationship was emotionally, it that it takes at least half the time you were going out to get over that person.

-Men and women are different- DEAL WITH IT. Testosterone is a drug that men are trying to suppress. That's why we are quiet most of the time- we are in our heads trying to talk ourselves out of doing the dumb shite. Testosterone makes you dumb. Estrogen is also a drug and has (mostly) the opposite effect of testosterone. It makes you very empathetic....and crazy.

-Get a friend of the opposite sex. Magazines like Cosmo and Maxim are dumb because they don't really ask people of the opposite gender how they feel. You'll never understand men or women if you just stay in your circle and won't get any valuable advice.

-Stop ending all online statements with LOL. Especially grown ass men. Stop it.