What's Your Point...

You know, everyone I know is fighting to get back what they had. I'm fighting because I don't know how to do anything else. -Starbuck, BSG



I've been thinking a bit about my future. I do this a lot but it's mostly during a bit of drinking or something randomly good happens to someone I know and I experience a liminal moment. But lately I've been thinking about my path and the choices I've made and the choices I'm going to make. Particularly, I've been comparing my decisions against those of my close friends.

I really believe you shouldn't measure yourself against the yardstick of others but as you grow older and the people around you are moving ahead with what they want to do it becomes inevitable to compare yourself to them. I'm personally blessed/cursed with successful and focused friends. They have their idea of a future pretty well mapped out in their heads. They know what they want as far as career paths and what they love to do. They are married/engaged/in serious relationships/not emotionally stunted. They are moving in a direction.

Me? Not so much.

I've never been much of a planner. My goals have always been vague at best. I mean, I know I want to write novels and I think it would be nice to have someone to share a future with. But ask me how to get there or what I would do if I even got there....Shit, you got me.

It's that I don't want to be that kind of focused individual. I REALLY do. I just often think I have an incomplete set of tools to accomplish that. It infuriates me at points and I'm sure it must annoy the people around me. I imagine that they are looking at me like I disappointed them and maybe the world. I'm not that little kid who was smarter than the rest and wanted to do everything. Hell, I'm not even that dumb teenager/20-something who lived fearlessly and just DID stuff. I think something inside me went to sleep and I need to wake it up because at this point I'm just going through the motions of aging and living. I encounter a problem and deal with it but not with that hopeful reckless abandon I used to.

I mean look at that kid's crazy face.

I need to get that back. Or else I become Starbuck level screwed-up and I DO NOT want that. I don't think anyone does.

New Worst Nightmare

Just woke up from a new dream. Or should I say nightmare. Not sure where it came from. Maybe it was a weird combo from cold meds and ice cream consumption but it reaffirmed my decision to take off the year from women.
As most dreams, the part that scared me was fragmented and near the end. It was basically a lot of random scenes and things happening but what got me was the finale.
I was with one of my ex-girlfriends and she told me she was pregnant with MY KID.

Now, it wasn't the fact that I was having a child. I know logically that I'm not emotionally or financially prepared for that responsibility. Although I'm probably more equipped emotionally to raise another human being than I think and I truly believe I would make a good dad one day, I'm a broke dude living in my mother's basement. I would NEVER bring a baby into that sort of situation. And even with all that my main fear wasn't even anything I had listed.

No, my fear was having a kid with HER. I'm gonna preface what I'm about to say with this, all the ladies I have been involved with in a relationship or close to relationship form are generally good, decent human beings. They are caring and somewhat kind. BUT, most of them are a lil crazy. I'm not saying that's on them but I find myself attracted to women with issues or problems. As a matter of fact, nowadays when I find myself getting even a little bit emotionally attracted to a woman I pull back and ask myself "Sean, what's her issue?"
This is not to say that I'm perfect. Hell no. If you even read a post or two on this page you would know that is the furthest thing from reality. I just happen to attract similarly or more screwed-up individuals to me.
What made this dream worse for me was which young lady it was. Because even with all I just stated there are some former flames that I think I could raise a kid with without murdering each other or making the kid worse than either of us. Actually, I could probably name 3 or 4 women who, combined with me, could make a fully-functioning great member of society.

It was just this ONE.
I'm not going to say who it was, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this or even know this page exists.....ACTUALLY she might know because that crazy kinda stalker behavior is exactly one of the reasons this dream was so scary. I didn't help the situation with us but still the crazy was there and booty isn't enough to start a family off of.
So that's my nightmare. Just thought I would share. Don't tell my exes. And if you are someone I dated/hooked up with and think this is about you, it probably was.

TWEETYOURSIXTEENYEAROLDSELF

I just found out that #tweetyoursixteenyearoldself is a trending topic on Twitter. I have too much to tell my old self for 140 characters to work. Instead I just wrote a blog post for that kid. I would have included a pic for this but my scanner is playing games and I kinda looked like Dookie from The Wire in my yearbook pic. (Hey, we all were pretty funny looking as teens)
Here is just good advice for old me, new me, my future kids and maybe even you....

-observe what the world wants but don't try to fit in
-girls, ladies, females, women, chicas- you'll never understand. that doesn't mean not to try but don't kill yourself in the process. most of them aren't as complicated as they think anyway.
-being smart only goes so far
-being stupid goes even a shorter distance
-don't get a girlfriend just because your friends do
-follow your own path but also be like your friends, particularly in regards to a work ethic and especially that kid Eryan
-try harder, in everything
-you won't be a famous rapper or athlete; get creative
-anyway, you're gonna be angry at rappers in about a decade or so, so there's that
-ease up on your teachers. they have a tough job. maybe you'll find out more about it personally one day
-that girl you like? just ask her out. if you don't, you'll regret it. don't worry what people say. time goes by and people's memories are generally short. you'll only regret what you didn't do not what you did
-Oh, yeah. you'll feel this way about 2 to 3 other women at least. if she says no, it's not the end of the world. you'll survive
-you'll also meet girls you only kinda like and make out with them so that'll soften the blow a bit.
-being called Usher? USE IT.
-DON'T drink the tequila
-BAD WOLF (that's a geeky joke you'll get one frakkin'* day)
-Say what you feel and mean what you say
-Rock will be taller than you. by about a half foot. deal with it
-listen to Relle. sure she can be irritating now but she has been places you are going and has good advice
-most of the people you think are douchey now and you don't like probably won't be the same in a few years. give them a chance and the quiet ones too
-you won't be the same in a few years as well
-WARNING! some people who are douchey now are STILL douchey in 2010. figure out how to ask me and I'll give you the names.
-Try not to date girls with too many female friends. NEVER date a girl with NO female friends
-your dad may not be the best but he does have some okay advice sometimes
-DON'T give weapons to your little brother
-pay attention to the internet. it's gonna be huge. and annoying. and a time burglar
-By the way, Y2K? Bullshit.
-don't lie to impress people. it's cliche but be yourself. trust me it works
-move to Las Vegas for awhile. Or at last visit a lot and try to also live alone. it'll help you grow
-don't be afraid to be different but don't be different JUST to be different
-don't look for enemies or people to hate you. it sounds ridiculous but people in the future LOVE this. Yup, it's as silly as it sounds
-write down any idea you have. even if you think it's goofy. save it. look at it later
-keep drawing
-don't stop believing. not only a good song but good advice
-"Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and that then allows you to learn something new."
-that quote above is from Barack Obama. Our BLACK president. No shit. I swear to God, kid.
-don't be afraid to tell people you love 'em. it's not "gay"
-also, stop saying things are "gay". it's pretty immature and offensive. Do you really care what people do with their lives? No? That's what I thought. Let other people be happy. You'll have a lot of gay friends one day. And by the way, Doogie Howser? TOTALLY gay and HIGH-larious as hell. Trust me on this one. NPH is KING!
-sometimes it's okay to fight. just choose the right battles. just a tip- fight for people you care about? good. fights while drinking? bad.
-take up a hobby. maybe a sport
-don't be afraid- of failure, success or dogs
-try new things
-go to different places
-believe in something, even if it's just yourself


*you'll get this too

Just A Good (Fictional) Speech

From Smallville's Oliver Queen aka Green Arrow- here

Talkin' Bout My Generation

Ahhh, Fall.

I like fall.

The leaves turn pretty colors. The summer heat begins to abate and it no longer feels like Hades outside. I can rock hoodies, which I love because I look good in hoodies and they make me look bigger. Pretty new college students sneaking into bars and clubs that I can look at like a creepy old man. Yes. Good times.

But maybe the real reason I like fall is the beginning of a new television season.

Now, this might not mean much to those who never had television turn off at a certain time of the day, who never had only about five channels to watch or don't remember not having a summer season. But it still means a good deal to me. Fall season starting for television means my old favorites like Fringe and Community are coming back. It also heralds the start of new series that I might waste my time on, such as Lone Star or Boardwalk Empire.

It also means that there are also shows that I'm avoiding like the plague- The Event(LOST multiplied by 4400;no thanks), Mike & Molly (you describe yourself as a fat-com and I'm out) and finally, My Generation.


Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure this is a fine show for some people and the people on it are good actors. I'm just not going to watch it right now. This just seems like television about remembering the "good ol' days" of high school. The time when we were all dumb and hopeful. That's fine and I love watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek but I don't want to compare that against the cold reality of adulthood. All the dashed hopes and dreams unachieved.

For example, from what I can tell from the commercial it appears one couple got married because they got pregnant and the husband enlisted to support them, killing his athletic dreams. I admit that that is dramatic but it is also a bit of a downer.

I watch television generally as an escape from the mundane and this series hits a tad too close to home. Maybe that is saying too much about my life's course and my bad decisions but at the end of it all I'm gonna have to take a pass on this show for now.

Maybe I'll catch it after they cancel it like I did with October Road.

I'll probably watch that No Ordinary Family show though. Sure, it's pretty much just The Incredibles (which was just the Fantatic Four) but it'll be a cheesy distraction for like three weeks.

Thought Experiment

Take a second and imagine yourself at like 8 or 10 years old. Imagine that this younger version is in the room with you. He or she is sitting there next to you or looking over your shoulder as you look at this screen. They are probably wearing something horrible, like high water overalls or something bright from Cross Colours if you are about my age. Gods.
Anyway, back to the experiment.
So this younger you is standing there looking at the same computer screen as you. You click to one of your social networking pages, like Facebook, Myspace or Friendster(you are really STILL using Friendster? C'mon, son...) You go through your profile info and your pictures. You slowly look back over the pictures you took of yourself and pictures that others have put up of you.

What does your younger self say?
What do they think?
Are they happy with your life choices?

Things That Sound Good But Normally Aren't

- nude beaches
- bachelorette parties (for dudes)
- half-price movies (these are ALWAYS in crappy neighborhoods and/or filled with other broke bastards, like you)
- twin sisters (just trust me on this one)
- most time-shares
- Score's

Just FYI

Idiom Series Twelve

Double sixes. Must mean something in some game. I just don't recall. You would think I celebrate 4/20 or something.....

"Look, I'm a tolerant person..."

No. No you aren't. Tolerant people don't have to say that. If you start out in a defensive mode it is usually because you are about to come from an almost indefensible position with little to no merit and definitely without tolerance for your opposing viewpoint.

Stop saying you are tolerant and actually be tolerant. Become an open-minded human being.

Then I'll tolerate YOU.

Week of (Kinda) Silence

March 27- April 2, 2010 Decided to take the week off from television and the interwebz. Here are the rules and below that is what happened.
DVDs don't count
Only my e-mail could be checked
Only emergencies could be responded to, ie job replies, sick friends, etc.
Limited time even in a room with television


Day1-
Sent out last necessary e-mail, still receiving e-mail to my BlackBerry but I only check the subject line for the importance of it. I can hear the tv in the other room with my younger brother; he's a tv fiend.
Odd to be up this early and not on a computer. Women choose the last moment or odd times to make request. Foresee a small window of future drop-offs for family. I don't really like driving; feels like my arse is spreading the more time behind the wheel.
Random thought popping in my head- like taking my brother and cousins to movies
The blue light is turned off on this cable box to not mock me but I watched Dogtown and the Z-Boys on DVD again. Think the message might be adversity and being fearless breeds creativity.
Also read Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy, which was recommended by Mess. It was decent but seemed like a school syllabus book read by girls in an English class at a private school that requires them to wear uniforms with stockings.
It still feels like a bunker around here. This is definitely my bro's space.
Plus side of this week off is it makes Earth Hour that much easier; even my brother participated.

Day 2-
Harder to get up on day two. Realizing my bro blasts the tv. Radio stations plays the same craptastic music on repeat and Slacker Radio has miraculously appear on my BlackBerry. This gives me a solution to dealing with others watching tv in my presence and is only borderline cheating.
Skype mobile has also appeared for some reason on my BB. I'm confused by how to even use it on this thing.
Listening to Gorillaz radio now and it has finally clicked why I like Song 2 by Blur. I never made the connection that it was Damon Albarn singing it.
Time to drive to the mall. Green Acres is shitty- it only has one bookstore, a Borders Express.
Okay, I broke my internet rule but to be fair it was to QUICKLY look up a recipe for my mother who was busy. I made some double chocolate cookies

Day 3-
Raining outside today.
Do I do laundry? Grandmother has the tv on as I decide.
Shaq's mom wrote a book. She says she had a plan? What? bang a tall dude?
Hit the library, drive out to less shitty mall in Roosevelt Field.
Man, I hate Rihanna and Sean Paul's accents. His sound like some mishmash of Jamaican patois and a drunk Irish dude. This Carry Out song by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake is pretty decent- the lyrics are ehh but I still succumb to the Timbo effect. Bookstores are great but if you are broke you DEFINITELY like the library much more.

Day 4-
Flood time. Awesome. New neighbors are moving in today.
I woke up to usual- my brother bumping rap music and Law & Order on his tv. Is he playing Drake? No, that's TI. Good.
Walk the dog and I feel like I'm swimming in the street.
I finished a book I picked up yesterday. I realize I hate book series for two main reasons 1) the first book is a good book and I can't wait for the next one to be published or 2) it is a crappy book in series and I feel I wasted my time.
Listened to Sean Price aka Kimbo Price and had a flashback to the early '90s and Decepticons roaming the subways in Brooklyn. I like this Trap or Die joint by Jeezy, forgot about it but still a good listen.
I talked to a friend or should I say I listened to my friend. Just reaffirmed my women are crazy and men are dumb theory. Need to really write up that blog.

Day 5-
I was just texted by my friend that my Facebook was hacked. Fixed it and quickly got off the internet.
I need to get to the store for some art supplies soon. Wait. Oh yeah. I'm broke.
It's laundry time. I like this teenage girl's chunky headphones- they are black with a red number 6 inside a circle. I'm trying to remember where I have seen them before.
These notes I'm jotting down are like tweeting without Twitter. I do find myself missing the internet a bit.
Just revisited a variation of a story idea I had. Hey, the library has new yellow bags. They kinda remind me of the bank bags in the Jason Bourne movies but much cheaper.
Why are people surprised at flooding if you live by a shoreline? I was never shocked. This lady is whining like she was hit by Katrina.
Should I even do my taxes?
Another food question...why ask questions when the answer is always the same? I should look into male PMS. I might have that shit. Or maybe I'm just more irritable than I think I am.

Day 6-
Fell asleep at 8 pm woke at 12:30 am and then rose again at 6:35 am. I thought I set my alarm for 9:30 pm. Apparently not.
I turned on Z100 (NYC Top 40 station) and the morning show was on as I showered. They are having a discussion about Heathers and how people with that name were bitchy and/or slutty. I had to chuckle at this.
Holy Thursday is April 1st/April Fool's Day. I think there is a deeper meaning there with the catholic church's handling of abuse.
Yard work outdoors. I have that Justin Bieber song stuck in my head. Uh-oh. Do I have Bieber Fever?
I turn on Slacker for a cure and listen to NERD. Their music always makes me think about superheroes and Cali.
Missing vowels? Really, Gmail? That's the best you can do?
Should I get a haircut? The Rub is Saturday.
Grandmother had Marriage Ref on as I worked on something. I find I have to agree with my friends- it is funny. TV is still on with Leno now. Bobby Brown sweeps up on Jay's trivia contest- but he only beats K-Fed and Nicole Eggert so there is that qualifier....

Day 7-
Woke up and I am out of it. I had a dream about me trying to return a lost dog, going south and north, getting into a car accident and then arguing and fighting with 4 cops like I was a Watchmen/Matrix character.
As I walk this dog, I notice similarities between him and me- anger issues, bad teeth, rush for instant gratification, run into things blindly, sweet tooth, need haircuts constantly and constantly humping anything we could in the past.
Touching up a fake fight poster, Nope. I'm not going overboard but might be fear of failure kicking in.
I have to hit the library again. I like rocking my hat or hoodie but don't know if it's for comfort or protection or if it's a form of hiding.
Anyway, this has been a strange but enlightening week. Needed the break but now it's time for inane waste of time on the world wide web.
Why did we stop calling it that? Guess it is geeky but the internet is kinda geeky by it's mere existence.
Whatever. Peace.

Planet Sean

(From a conversation I had with a friend, unedited. I really feel strongly about the whole ISLAND concept but not so much the whole blow up France part. I love you French bastards)

Me: What we need is to get an island with like 20 or 30 adults who have been vetted hard to be as little discriminatory as possible (prob worded that wrong but I think you get me)
And you take a bunch of orphans who are still young and let those people raise 'em
to see difference but not be judgmental to that difference
And let that go on for like 100 years
Pal: Make sure the orphans are all mixed
so everyone is the same shade of brown
me: And make sure they have full education about humanity
but have limited contact with the rest of us assholes
And if after 100 years that shit is working, do another vetting, like world wide vetting process of like a 1000 people and grab the original island folks and put them on a bigger landmass
And then get rid of the rest of the human race and start over
Pal: LMAO
me: But all joking aside we need an asshole that randomly threatens countries for no reason
Like"If y'all aren't kind to your
fellow man, I'll blow up France"
"Why France?"
"Why not?"
And just do a random city or country every six months until we pull our heads out of our arses
These are the thoughts in my head as I hear the news
Pal: Exactly why I stopped watching the news
me: I try to avoid it
But I'm on fb and twitter still
Makes me miss the old days without the internet and blissful ignorance
Pal: HA!
me: Might have to enact willful ignorance again soon
Problem with having smart friends
Pal: ?
Me: Always wanna talk about important shit
Pal: LOL

Bio-Logy

(damn, that title is lame- whatever....)
Been reading a lot of biographies, autobiographies and memoirs recently. Couldn't tell you why. Maybe I'm trying to get an idea of what's needed to "make it." Regardless, I've noticed a lot of similarity between all of these folks (and a few definitive differences) that I can probably come up what is necessary to come out ahead and be successful doing what you love.

*Limited to no fear, particularly of failure
*Having supportive people/people who don't stand in your way
*Laser-like focus on your end goal
*Ability to adapt to what is thrown in your path
*Ability to change negatives into positives and dealing well with adversity
*Pride in being unique or different
*Self-confidence
*Knowing how to be respectful when necessary and aggressive when needed
*Doing what you love daily in some form

There others things I'm sure I'm missing but this quick list is what pops immediately to mind at this moment.

Life is wack juice versus awesome sauce.

Also, Chelsea Handler is a funny dickhead and Tracy Morgan is funny even in written form. "I'm old school. I don't pull out."

Talking Heads Once In a Lifetime....

My cousin came by to visit recently. I hadn't seen him in about two years since our little family reunion. I was in Vegas at that time doing "Sean things" and had come back to NYC to see my sister and her family who were in town from Tokyo. Since we were back, I guess my family decided to have a little meetup. It was cool. I saw a lot of folks I hadn't seen in a while and a few friends came over and I went out to gt drunk at The Rub after. So, basically, a normal summer Saturday for me at home.

But, anyway, back to my older cousin. He came there with my aunt and I talked to him a minute about the usual stuff while I was on the grill and drinking beer. It was kind of hazy (I WAS drinking loads of beer)but I do recall that he was married and I believe working as or with bounty hunters, which, to be honest, is pretty normal for my family outside of the whole married things. I was happy as long as he was happy and he seemed like it.

Flash-forward to now. He comes into town with a new job doing promotional things for Atlantic Records and separated from his wife. He is very happy and is part of the work for the Jay-Z tour. I'm happy for dude but it brings up a strange thought for me.

This guy was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and his parents pretty much kept him away from me, my brother and our other cousins when we were really small because either we lived on a bad block (which was very true) or we were bad influences (only marginally true). He moved out of state and me and my brother visited for a weekend here and there and for his graduation. Basically, his parents spent an inordinate time trying to take him away from "the street" and the things that go along with that. Fast forward twelve years and you really couldn't tell the difference between us and, in fact, some of the things he is doing now I've passed on already.

This makes me thinking about how I ended up in my current condition, hence the title of this post (step your 1980s New Wave music lyrics game up, kid).

I know logically how I arrived at my current state. It comes down to all the little discussions, smart choices, stupid foul-ups, random partying and every other choice I made. There are of course outside forces at work that could have affected my life more positively in terms of success if I followed them and definitely forces that could have had a HUGE negative effect.

Even with that knowledge I still find myself asking how did I get here. This occurs more frequently when I run into people I haven't seen in a while, which happens very frequently since I'm back in New York. It also happens a lot when I hang out or talk to my friends, most of whom I have known for at least a decade. My friends are highly successful or are on the way to living their dreams. It's always interesting that the same people that you walk along with on the same path can have vastly different endpoints. But, then I realize it's the shortcuts we take, the veering to the left and right, and th branching off to another path that crosses with your original path in the future that makes us truly individual. I share a lot of similar courses with my friends and my brother and have seen a lot of the same stuff. It's the stuff that I have saw on my own and those places and time periods that I have been alone that makes me the person I am right now.

The greater question I have to ask myself is why am I even contemplating this. I mean it's a good philosophical question but the truth behind it is deeper. I ask myself this because, to be honest, I'm not always happy with where I am right now. I can think of other options for myself and compare to the actual reality of my status, they are much better.

My questioning of how I ended up here doesn't come from a negative place. It's a tool that I'll have to keep utilizing to make myself move forward. When I am satisfied or at least content in the moment I tend to stagnate and just "be". After that, something normally occurs to make me unhappy and snap out of that existence and move on to the questioning phase. After that is the decision and action part of my life. I think that is what I am starting a new now. This cycle has always occurred with me and I'm not sure whether it is good or bad. I just know it is here and I deal with it in my way.

I hope one day I won't ask the question of how did I end up here and someone else will ask it of me. I will really smile because on that day I'll know I did what I wanted to, following my own path to my idea of success.

Switching Faces

As you mature, most of your life, or at least mine, seems to be devoted to figuring out where you fit in. Whether it's in your little group of friends or into the greater world stage, life seems to always be about re-evaluating you position. I find this is particularly true for me as I view my different relationships- how I interact with my old friends, new friends, my family, strangers and people who irritate me.

At my core I'm definitely am the same guy on Monday as I am on Saturday (with maybe a question as to my sobriety level). I am pretty consistent in my actions and the only thing that I might adjust is my degree of harshness in my comments with people. For example, the way I interact with my brother is not going to be the same as the way I interact with a female friend. And even in the subset of female friends there are varying degrees of familiarity I have due to time known, past experience and my feelings on what slick shite I can get away with saying.

Thinking about this change in behavior forces me to ask the question- Who am I really?

If I can and do change how I am with different people, is there something not totally defined about me? If I can be the "I will fight anyone" person when I'm out with my brother and also be the "let's keep it civil and walk away" person with certain friends, does that mean I'm just a chameleon wearing different masks? Or am I just adjusting to the particular situation?

When I really think about it, the "I will fight anyone" person is just a degree removed from the "who is this guy talking to" protector I can sometimes be when I'm with my female friends (and that's not to say that my friends need to be protected; it's just something I've been raised to be) and he is like five steps away from the "civil" persona I have to take on when I'm with one of my more * ahem * hot-headed compatriots.

Maybe that's it. I'm the same person with this system of core beliefs about certain things and I adjust to get my point across or to make my feelings/viewpoints understood depending on the audience. And outside of these core beliefs, I'm open and willing to hear other differing views on the world so it may appear that I'm unsure about who I am at my core but I'm just more accepting that there is more than one truth.

Anyway, this is one of those things I think about when I'm alone. Just sayin'.

My Ten Necessities

I posted a list of the 10 things I need to move forward/survive/deal with on my wordpress.com main blog. Let's revisit that now, shall we?

1. Laptop- Fried it. Typing on my mom's laptop, my bro's computer or my grandmother's computer until I can get it fixed and hopefully everything on it back.
2. Small Notebooks- Still have these strewn about randomly in jackets. Very handy.
3. Travel Disk/Atomsk- Snapped it in an unfortunate accident before my laptop. Hopefully, ALL of the data on it can be recovered by some geek. Will probably run me about $300 to even attempt and recover some. Unemployment isn't fun.
4. Vaultz- Still by my bedside, still doing it's job.
5. IRiver- Need batteries and a CD so I can update some of the music but mostly good.
6. Cellphone- Updated to BlackBerry. Good look.
7. Dogtag- Still pressed against my flesh. Want to get a duo of new ones one day soon.
8. Digital Camera- Acting hinky. Will be using my BB until I figure out " what up with that " or can get a new one.
9. Wallet- Right here in my pocket but filled with a library card, a weird license, cards that don't work and zero cash. Yeah. I'm a catch. Ladies?
10. Bookbag- Still have it. Still carrying my books and shite.

With all the missing or broken things, I wonder how this may be seen on a commentary on my current life condition. Hmmmm.....