Sunday, March 14, 2010
As you mature, most of your life, or at least mine, seems to be devoted to figuring out where you fit in. Whether it's in your little group of friends or into the greater world stage, life seems to always be about re-evaluating you position. I find this is particularly true for me as I view my different relationships- how I interact with my old friends, new friends, my family, strangers and people who irritate me.
At my core I'm definitely am the same guy on Monday as I am on Saturday (with maybe a question as to my sobriety level). I am pretty consistent in my actions and the only thing that I might adjust is my degree of harshness in my comments with people. For example, the way I interact with my brother is not going to be the same as the way I interact with a female friend. And even in the subset of female friends there are varying degrees of familiarity I have due to time known, past experience and my feelings on what slick shite I can get away with saying.
Thinking about this change in behavior forces me to ask the question- Who am I really?
If I can and do change how I am with different people, is there something not totally defined about me? If I can be the "I will fight anyone" person when I'm out with my brother and also be the "let's keep it civil and walk away" person with certain friends, does that mean I'm just a chameleon wearing different masks? Or am I just adjusting to the particular situation?
When I really think about it, the "I will fight anyone" person is just a degree removed from the "who is this guy talking to" protector I can sometimes be when I'm with my female friends (and that's not to say that my friends need to be protected; it's just something I've been raised to be) and he is like five steps away from the "civil" persona I have to take on when I'm with one of my more * ahem * hot-headed compatriots.
Maybe that's it. I'm the same person with this system of core beliefs about certain things and I adjust to get my point across or to make my feelings/viewpoints understood depending on the audience. And outside of these core beliefs, I'm open and willing to hear other differing views on the world so it may appear that I'm unsure about who I am at my core but I'm just more accepting that there is more than one truth.
Anyway, this is one of those things I think about when I'm alone. Just sayin'.