Thursday, October 30, 2008
Before I Self-Destruct
I get restless and bored.
I wouldn't even say it happens quickly but it seems to happen a lot. This may be part of the reason why I used to just get up and hop out of town on a whim if I could afford it and sometimes even if I really couldn't afford it. I think that was one of the reasons why I couldn't keep a long relationship (or at least part of the reason). This is the reason I have a post for my other blog that still isn't done but I know pretty much what I need to write to finish the story.
I think the problem is two-fold.
One, I know what I NEED to do but instead get side-tracked by the other dozen or so ideas running through my head at the time. For example, I have like three or four shorts I want to put up on The Thracian Drive. Check that. That I NEED to put up over there. Instead, I keep slipping back into adding other elements to three big stories I'm working on. Not to mention, the whole comic book universe thing I have been working on since like 7th grade. I want to stop but working on multiple things at a time seems to be the only way for me to function and get anything done. Maybe I need Adderol or Ritalin. I don't know.
Two, instead of doing what I need to get to the image in my head of the future, I often get caught up in other activities. Some aren't bad like catching a movie, going to the pub to watch a game, reading a book, etc. I realize that everyone needs a break or else you would go insane. The problem comes when instead of staying at home and typing I find myself out getting into the usual shenanigans.
For example, about two weeks back one of my roommates and his girl were going to a pool hall. I don't play pool AT ALL and was EXTREMELY broke. He says he'll buy beer because I always look out for him. I'm still like no (although it was very, very hard to say it; I like free booze like a fat kid likes cake). He said there would be girls. I HOPPED up and put on my sneakers and was sitting in his car before he knew what happened. I moved like Wally West, folks.
What was hilarious about that exchange is I KNEW I wasn't seriously going to holler at any women. Sure, I might flirt a little but my heart is pretty much out of it(it's complicated). But my brain is still operating on old tactics and ways and instead of writing a chapter I decided to go to a smokey pool hall and have a hang over for work the next day. (I have though stayed in for the last two weeks generally and am NOT getting drunk for Halloween but still the problem remains) I only went out to try something new and because I was bored in my room. This is the same reason where I have been extra willing to get into dust-ups and SNAPPING! recently as well.
How do I stay out of dumb situations just because I am bored? I think I need to find better outlets but I still want to focus on doing what I want to do for the rest of my life- which is write. I need to find the balance. I'm hoping my trip back home next month will offer some solutions or at least give me another perspective.
Suggestions? Solutions? Comments? Tips? Know any shady doctors who'll write me a prescription?