New Worst Nightmare

Just woke up from a new dream. Or should I say nightmare. Not sure where it came from. Maybe it was a weird combo from cold meds and ice cream consumption but it reaffirmed my decision to take off the year from women.
As most dreams, the part that scared me was fragmented and near the end. It was basically a lot of random scenes and things happening but what got me was the finale.
I was with one of my ex-girlfriends and she told me she was pregnant with MY KID.

Now, it wasn't the fact that I was having a child. I know logically that I'm not emotionally or financially prepared for that responsibility. Although I'm probably more equipped emotionally to raise another human being than I think and I truly believe I would make a good dad one day, I'm a broke dude living in my mother's basement. I would NEVER bring a baby into that sort of situation. And even with all that my main fear wasn't even anything I had listed.

No, my fear was having a kid with HER. I'm gonna preface what I'm about to say with this, all the ladies I have been involved with in a relationship or close to relationship form are generally good, decent human beings. They are caring and somewhat kind. BUT, most of them are a lil crazy. I'm not saying that's on them but I find myself attracted to women with issues or problems. As a matter of fact, nowadays when I find myself getting even a little bit emotionally attracted to a woman I pull back and ask myself "Sean, what's her issue?"
This is not to say that I'm perfect. Hell no. If you even read a post or two on this page you would know that is the furthest thing from reality. I just happen to attract similarly or more screwed-up individuals to me.
What made this dream worse for me was which young lady it was. Because even with all I just stated there are some former flames that I think I could raise a kid with without murdering each other or making the kid worse than either of us. Actually, I could probably name 3 or 4 women who, combined with me, could make a fully-functioning great member of society.

It was just this ONE.
I'm not going to say who it was, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this or even know this page exists.....ACTUALLY she might know because that crazy kinda stalker behavior is exactly one of the reasons this dream was so scary. I didn't help the situation with us but still the crazy was there and booty isn't enough to start a family off of.
So that's my nightmare. Just thought I would share. Don't tell my exes. And if you are someone I dated/hooked up with and think this is about you, it probably was.

TWEETYOURSIXTEENYEAROLDSELF

I just found out that #tweetyoursixteenyearoldself is a trending topic on Twitter. I have too much to tell my old self for 140 characters to work. Instead I just wrote a blog post for that kid. I would have included a pic for this but my scanner is playing games and I kinda looked like Dookie from The Wire in my yearbook pic. (Hey, we all were pretty funny looking as teens)
Here is just good advice for old me, new me, my future kids and maybe even you....

-observe what the world wants but don't try to fit in
-girls, ladies, females, women, chicas- you'll never understand. that doesn't mean not to try but don't kill yourself in the process. most of them aren't as complicated as they think anyway.
-being smart only goes so far
-being stupid goes even a shorter distance
-don't get a girlfriend just because your friends do
-follow your own path but also be like your friends, particularly in regards to a work ethic and especially that kid Eryan
-try harder, in everything
-you won't be a famous rapper or athlete; get creative
-anyway, you're gonna be angry at rappers in about a decade or so, so there's that
-ease up on your teachers. they have a tough job. maybe you'll find out more about it personally one day
-that girl you like? just ask her out. if you don't, you'll regret it. don't worry what people say. time goes by and people's memories are generally short. you'll only regret what you didn't do not what you did
-Oh, yeah. you'll feel this way about 2 to 3 other women at least. if she says no, it's not the end of the world. you'll survive
-you'll also meet girls you only kinda like and make out with them so that'll soften the blow a bit.
-being called Usher? USE IT.
-DON'T drink the tequila
-BAD WOLF (that's a geeky joke you'll get one frakkin'* day)
-Say what you feel and mean what you say
-Rock will be taller than you. by about a half foot. deal with it
-listen to Relle. sure she can be irritating now but she has been places you are going and has good advice
-most of the people you think are douchey now and you don't like probably won't be the same in a few years. give them a chance and the quiet ones too
-you won't be the same in a few years as well
-WARNING! some people who are douchey now are STILL douchey in 2010. figure out how to ask me and I'll give you the names.
-Try not to date girls with too many female friends. NEVER date a girl with NO female friends
-your dad may not be the best but he does have some okay advice sometimes
-DON'T give weapons to your little brother
-pay attention to the internet. it's gonna be huge. and annoying. and a time burglar
-By the way, Y2K? Bullshit.
-don't lie to impress people. it's cliche but be yourself. trust me it works
-move to Las Vegas for awhile. Or at last visit a lot and try to also live alone. it'll help you grow
-don't be afraid to be different but don't be different JUST to be different
-don't look for enemies or people to hate you. it sounds ridiculous but people in the future LOVE this. Yup, it's as silly as it sounds
-write down any idea you have. even if you think it's goofy. save it. look at it later
-keep drawing
-don't stop believing. not only a good song but good advice
-"Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and that then allows you to learn something new."
-that quote above is from Barack Obama. Our BLACK president. No shit. I swear to God, kid.
-don't be afraid to tell people you love 'em. it's not "gay"
-also, stop saying things are "gay". it's pretty immature and offensive. Do you really care what people do with their lives? No? That's what I thought. Let other people be happy. You'll have a lot of gay friends one day. And by the way, Doogie Howser? TOTALLY gay and HIGH-larious as hell. Trust me on this one. NPH is KING!
-sometimes it's okay to fight. just choose the right battles. just a tip- fight for people you care about? good. fights while drinking? bad.
-take up a hobby. maybe a sport
-don't be afraid- of failure, success or dogs
-try new things
-go to different places
-believe in something, even if it's just yourself


*you'll get this too

Just A Good (Fictional) Speech

From Smallville's Oliver Queen aka Green Arrow- here

Talkin' Bout My Generation

Ahhh, Fall.

I like fall.

The leaves turn pretty colors. The summer heat begins to abate and it no longer feels like Hades outside. I can rock hoodies, which I love because I look good in hoodies and they make me look bigger. Pretty new college students sneaking into bars and clubs that I can look at like a creepy old man. Yes. Good times.

But maybe the real reason I like fall is the beginning of a new television season.

Now, this might not mean much to those who never had television turn off at a certain time of the day, who never had only about five channels to watch or don't remember not having a summer season. But it still means a good deal to me. Fall season starting for television means my old favorites like Fringe and Community are coming back. It also heralds the start of new series that I might waste my time on, such as Lone Star or Boardwalk Empire.

It also means that there are also shows that I'm avoiding like the plague- The Event(LOST multiplied by 4400;no thanks), Mike & Molly (you describe yourself as a fat-com and I'm out) and finally, My Generation.


Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure this is a fine show for some people and the people on it are good actors. I'm just not going to watch it right now. This just seems like television about remembering the "good ol' days" of high school. The time when we were all dumb and hopeful. That's fine and I love watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek but I don't want to compare that against the cold reality of adulthood. All the dashed hopes and dreams unachieved.

For example, from what I can tell from the commercial it appears one couple got married because they got pregnant and the husband enlisted to support them, killing his athletic dreams. I admit that that is dramatic but it is also a bit of a downer.

I watch television generally as an escape from the mundane and this series hits a tad too close to home. Maybe that is saying too much about my life's course and my bad decisions but at the end of it all I'm gonna have to take a pass on this show for now.

Maybe I'll catch it after they cancel it like I did with October Road.

I'll probably watch that No Ordinary Family show though. Sure, it's pretty much just The Incredibles (which was just the Fantatic Four) but it'll be a cheesy distraction for like three weeks.

Thought Experiment

Take a second and imagine yourself at like 8 or 10 years old. Imagine that this younger version is in the room with you. He or she is sitting there next to you or looking over your shoulder as you look at this screen. They are probably wearing something horrible, like high water overalls or something bright from Cross Colours if you are about my age. Gods.
Anyway, back to the experiment.
So this younger you is standing there looking at the same computer screen as you. You click to one of your social networking pages, like Facebook, Myspace or Friendster(you are really STILL using Friendster? C'mon, son...) You go through your profile info and your pictures. You slowly look back over the pictures you took of yourself and pictures that others have put up of you.

What does your younger self say?
What do they think?
Are they happy with your life choices?