Bio-Logy

(damn, that title is lame- whatever....)
Been reading a lot of biographies, autobiographies and memoirs recently. Couldn't tell you why. Maybe I'm trying to get an idea of what's needed to "make it." Regardless, I've noticed a lot of similarity between all of these folks (and a few definitive differences) that I can probably come up what is necessary to come out ahead and be successful doing what you love.

*Limited to no fear, particularly of failure
*Having supportive people/people who don't stand in your way
*Laser-like focus on your end goal
*Ability to adapt to what is thrown in your path
*Ability to change negatives into positives and dealing well with adversity
*Pride in being unique or different
*Self-confidence
*Knowing how to be respectful when necessary and aggressive when needed
*Doing what you love daily in some form

There others things I'm sure I'm missing but this quick list is what pops immediately to mind at this moment.

Life is wack juice versus awesome sauce.

Also, Chelsea Handler is a funny dickhead and Tracy Morgan is funny even in written form. "I'm old school. I don't pull out."

Talking Heads Once In a Lifetime....

My cousin came by to visit recently. I hadn't seen him in about two years since our little family reunion. I was in Vegas at that time doing "Sean things" and had come back to NYC to see my sister and her family who were in town from Tokyo. Since we were back, I guess my family decided to have a little meetup. It was cool. I saw a lot of folks I hadn't seen in a while and a few friends came over and I went out to gt drunk at The Rub after. So, basically, a normal summer Saturday for me at home.

But, anyway, back to my older cousin. He came there with my aunt and I talked to him a minute about the usual stuff while I was on the grill and drinking beer. It was kind of hazy (I WAS drinking loads of beer)but I do recall that he was married and I believe working as or with bounty hunters, which, to be honest, is pretty normal for my family outside of the whole married things. I was happy as long as he was happy and he seemed like it.

Flash-forward to now. He comes into town with a new job doing promotional things for Atlantic Records and separated from his wife. He is very happy and is part of the work for the Jay-Z tour. I'm happy for dude but it brings up a strange thought for me.

This guy was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and his parents pretty much kept him away from me, my brother and our other cousins when we were really small because either we lived on a bad block (which was very true) or we were bad influences (only marginally true). He moved out of state and me and my brother visited for a weekend here and there and for his graduation. Basically, his parents spent an inordinate time trying to take him away from "the street" and the things that go along with that. Fast forward twelve years and you really couldn't tell the difference between us and, in fact, some of the things he is doing now I've passed on already.

This makes me thinking about how I ended up in my current condition, hence the title of this post (step your 1980s New Wave music lyrics game up, kid).

I know logically how I arrived at my current state. It comes down to all the little discussions, smart choices, stupid foul-ups, random partying and every other choice I made. There are of course outside forces at work that could have affected my life more positively in terms of success if I followed them and definitely forces that could have had a HUGE negative effect.

Even with that knowledge I still find myself asking how did I get here. This occurs more frequently when I run into people I haven't seen in a while, which happens very frequently since I'm back in New York. It also happens a lot when I hang out or talk to my friends, most of whom I have known for at least a decade. My friends are highly successful or are on the way to living their dreams. It's always interesting that the same people that you walk along with on the same path can have vastly different endpoints. But, then I realize it's the shortcuts we take, the veering to the left and right, and th branching off to another path that crosses with your original path in the future that makes us truly individual. I share a lot of similar courses with my friends and my brother and have seen a lot of the same stuff. It's the stuff that I have saw on my own and those places and time periods that I have been alone that makes me the person I am right now.

The greater question I have to ask myself is why am I even contemplating this. I mean it's a good philosophical question but the truth behind it is deeper. I ask myself this because, to be honest, I'm not always happy with where I am right now. I can think of other options for myself and compare to the actual reality of my status, they are much better.

My questioning of how I ended up here doesn't come from a negative place. It's a tool that I'll have to keep utilizing to make myself move forward. When I am satisfied or at least content in the moment I tend to stagnate and just "be". After that, something normally occurs to make me unhappy and snap out of that existence and move on to the questioning phase. After that is the decision and action part of my life. I think that is what I am starting a new now. This cycle has always occurred with me and I'm not sure whether it is good or bad. I just know it is here and I deal with it in my way.

I hope one day I won't ask the question of how did I end up here and someone else will ask it of me. I will really smile because on that day I'll know I did what I wanted to, following my own path to my idea of success.

Switching Faces

As you mature, most of your life, or at least mine, seems to be devoted to figuring out where you fit in. Whether it's in your little group of friends or into the greater world stage, life seems to always be about re-evaluating you position. I find this is particularly true for me as I view my different relationships- how I interact with my old friends, new friends, my family, strangers and people who irritate me.

At my core I'm definitely am the same guy on Monday as I am on Saturday (with maybe a question as to my sobriety level). I am pretty consistent in my actions and the only thing that I might adjust is my degree of harshness in my comments with people. For example, the way I interact with my brother is not going to be the same as the way I interact with a female friend. And even in the subset of female friends there are varying degrees of familiarity I have due to time known, past experience and my feelings on what slick shite I can get away with saying.

Thinking about this change in behavior forces me to ask the question- Who am I really?

If I can and do change how I am with different people, is there something not totally defined about me? If I can be the "I will fight anyone" person when I'm out with my brother and also be the "let's keep it civil and walk away" person with certain friends, does that mean I'm just a chameleon wearing different masks? Or am I just adjusting to the particular situation?

When I really think about it, the "I will fight anyone" person is just a degree removed from the "who is this guy talking to" protector I can sometimes be when I'm with my female friends (and that's not to say that my friends need to be protected; it's just something I've been raised to be) and he is like five steps away from the "civil" persona I have to take on when I'm with one of my more * ahem * hot-headed compatriots.

Maybe that's it. I'm the same person with this system of core beliefs about certain things and I adjust to get my point across or to make my feelings/viewpoints understood depending on the audience. And outside of these core beliefs, I'm open and willing to hear other differing views on the world so it may appear that I'm unsure about who I am at my core but I'm just more accepting that there is more than one truth.

Anyway, this is one of those things I think about when I'm alone. Just sayin'.

My Ten Necessities

I posted a list of the 10 things I need to move forward/survive/deal with on my wordpress.com main blog. Let's revisit that now, shall we?

1. Laptop- Fried it. Typing on my mom's laptop, my bro's computer or my grandmother's computer until I can get it fixed and hopefully everything on it back.
2. Small Notebooks- Still have these strewn about randomly in jackets. Very handy.
3. Travel Disk/Atomsk- Snapped it in an unfortunate accident before my laptop. Hopefully, ALL of the data on it can be recovered by some geek. Will probably run me about $300 to even attempt and recover some. Unemployment isn't fun.
4. Vaultz- Still by my bedside, still doing it's job.
5. IRiver- Need batteries and a CD so I can update some of the music but mostly good.
6. Cellphone- Updated to BlackBerry. Good look.
7. Dogtag- Still pressed against my flesh. Want to get a duo of new ones one day soon.
8. Digital Camera- Acting hinky. Will be using my BB until I figure out " what up with that " or can get a new one.
9. Wallet- Right here in my pocket but filled with a library card, a weird license, cards that don't work and zero cash. Yeah. I'm a catch. Ladies?
10. Bookbag- Still have it. Still carrying my books and shite.

With all the missing or broken things, I wonder how this may be seen on a commentary on my current life condition. Hmmmm.....

Just Some Rules.....

Because we all need rules. Even Lillian.

-Think hard before you wear skinny or boot cut jeans. Seriously. Contemplate it. Is that look going to work for you? Yeah. Didn't think so. Take off that tight ass shirt, too.

-The Golden Rule. It's real and the basis for most other rules. Pretty much if you follow that then you are 95% in the clear.

-Mohawks. Only four kinds of people are able to rock this kind of haircut- little kids, punk rockers, Native Americans and Mr. T. Everyone else, CUT THAT SHIT OUT! I don't care if your friends think your "faux-hawk" is cool. You look like a douche AND a Night Elf Mohawk.


-Don't talk shit. Look carefully at that guy whose mother you are about to insult. Outweighs you by about 30 pounds, right? Do you really wanna do this? No, you don't.
Listen, everyone believes they are tough and I get that. Sometimes you have to check to see where you are at on the toughness scale. Most of the times, though, you know when you are fighting in the wrong weight class. Walk away.
Also, ladies in the bar- stop it. Stop talking shit to dudes. I wouldn't talk shit to a 7 ft tall MMA fighter. I know the consequences. You think that there are no consequences and that is the issue. There MIGHT not be a dude that lays hands on you but no one respects the craziness for any reason.

-Don't let anybody eat your cornbread. On the other hand, sometimes you are put into situations where you have not instigated the scenario. You can walk away most of the time but never give up yourself in the moment. Be the bigger person whenever you can. But don't back down without standing up for yourself a bit.

-Silence is golden. Sometimes speaking up is ABSOLUTELY necessary. Most of the time, the better option is keeping it shut.

-Women- Don't ask if you look fat or if an outfit makes you look fat. Stop it. You know the answer.

-Men- Don't ask how many guys your girl has been with. There is no correct answer. Get over it. She is with you now.

-If you want to be single, BE SINGLE. Don't be greedy, don't cheat, don't lie and don't lead people on.

-Take care of your kids. That means more than just giving them money (but do that too). Keep them out of trouble as much as you can and support them emotionally.

-The Twilight book series isn't good. Not a rule; I'm just sayin'.

-If you are over 25, stop fighting, particularly in public. We use grown-up things like words nowadays. Of course, this changes with liquor in your situation but still, try and chill out.

-Have a way out.

-Muffin tops- ehh, not cute and only good in this, this or this context, with Ghostface. Wear clothes that fit.

-You can be friends with your exes. It just takes time and some effort if you want to. Sometimes it's worth it; sometimes it's not. The general rule, which varies depending on how deep your relationship was emotionally, it that it takes at least half the time you were going out to get over that person.

-Men and women are different- DEAL WITH IT. Testosterone is a drug that men are trying to suppress. That's why we are quiet most of the time- we are in our heads trying to talk ourselves out of doing the dumb shite. Testosterone makes you dumb. Estrogen is also a drug and has (mostly) the opposite effect of testosterone. It makes you very empathetic....and crazy.

-Get a friend of the opposite sex. Magazines like Cosmo and Maxim are dumb because they don't really ask people of the opposite gender how they feel. You'll never understand men or women if you just stay in your circle and won't get any valuable advice.

-Stop ending all online statements with LOL. Especially grown ass men. Stop it.