That Buck That Bought A Bottle Could've Struck The Lotto.....

I always just think about random stuff when I'm in the streets. Streams of consciousness and the like, usually starting from whatever I happen to see or thoughts begin from ideas for something I'm working on.
So, I'm out, going to the library and picking up a sandwich for my grandmother when I see the Powerball, Mega-Millions little tower by the candy racks. I always have those quick daydreams about what I would do if I won. I do this so much so that I probably have it listed on this blog somewhere.
Today it was a combo of winning the lottery and what I would do if I had a genie grant me three wishes. I'm sure this will change but this is the three wishes I would shoot for (figuring that you can't wish for more wishes or impossibilities like world peace)

1) I want to win the lotto when it gets above $120 million. I figure that this will give me around $60 million and I wouldn't be caught up in some "biting me in the ass/Twilight Zone/dickish genie" aspect of the wish as opposed to just winning for straight cash. Plus, $60 million is more than enough.

2) I want a checking account that has $5,000 in it no matter how much cash I withdraw and a savings account with $30,000 and the same stipulation. I know I just got $60 million but I figure after I get a few larger purchases, I can invest and save that money for future possible kids. The ever-lasting bank money would be good for my daily/weekly/monthly existence. Like Shaq and his endorsement checks.

3) Finally, I want my friends and family to be without financial issues. This is mainly so I don't have to give anyone cash but it's also so that their lives are a little less stressful and maybe it'll help their own brand of crazy. Pay off their student loans and clean up their credit. I definitely don't believe money is a cure-all BUT it does make the medicine easier to swallow and allows you to buy it in the first place.

Aight.
Enough Sean randomness.
Time to go back to listening to Childish Gambino and trying to write.

Twenty 'Leven

"I am a complete sentimentalist at New Year's. I admit it. I get all choked up reflecting on the successes of the past, looking towards the promise of the future....in theory. Most years it's more like 'beating myself up over twelve months of consecutive failure and crippling terror at what the next twelve have in store.' Either way, gets me all misty."- Spider-Man (written by Joe Kelly)

Yeah, I'm really not the type of person who makes resolutions. Well, not exactly. I don't make any specific goals. I just usually promise myself to make myself a better person and keep it that vague. This year I am determined to make it different.

I got an e-mail from one of my friends that put a fire under my arse. I also received a bunch of cards from another friend that made me think about my good qualities and how I wasn't utilizing my full potential. I know what I want(kinda) and I definitely know what I would want my life to look like.

So I've come up with a short list of things to do in 2011.

-Work out at least 3 times a week steadily
-Finish this first of a series of shorter stories by January 23rd
-Write at least 2 poems or one short story per week after that is done
-Finish my best novel by March 20th
-Visit my friends in Chicago
-Get employed by the first week of February
-Visit Vegas by year's end
-Sell all these comics by the end of July (know I'm not gonna get a great price for them but they take up space and are just another thing I have to think of)
-Watch less TV
-Limit my daily input use; random internet browsing has to go down i.e. stay off of TVTropes
-Draw 2 pics for weekend and, if this scanner gets fixed, upload to one of my other sites- K-Solo Infinity
-Make myself a brand
-Finish this clothes image idea I have by April 11th
-Get back to fearless living and random adventures
-Suit up with a tuxedo at some point. Fancy cane is optional.

I'll probably lengthen it as time goes on but this is a decent start I think.
Comments? Suggestions? Smart arse remarks?

What's Your Point...

You know, everyone I know is fighting to get back what they had. I'm fighting because I don't know how to do anything else. -Starbuck, BSG



I've been thinking a bit about my future. I do this a lot but it's mostly during a bit of drinking or something randomly good happens to someone I know and I experience a liminal moment. But lately I've been thinking about my path and the choices I've made and the choices I'm going to make. Particularly, I've been comparing my decisions against those of my close friends.

I really believe you shouldn't measure yourself against the yardstick of others but as you grow older and the people around you are moving ahead with what they want to do it becomes inevitable to compare yourself to them. I'm personally blessed/cursed with successful and focused friends. They have their idea of a future pretty well mapped out in their heads. They know what they want as far as career paths and what they love to do. They are married/engaged/in serious relationships/not emotionally stunted. They are moving in a direction.

Me? Not so much.

I've never been much of a planner. My goals have always been vague at best. I mean, I know I want to write novels and I think it would be nice to have someone to share a future with. But ask me how to get there or what I would do if I even got there....Shit, you got me.

It's that I don't want to be that kind of focused individual. I REALLY do. I just often think I have an incomplete set of tools to accomplish that. It infuriates me at points and I'm sure it must annoy the people around me. I imagine that they are looking at me like I disappointed them and maybe the world. I'm not that little kid who was smarter than the rest and wanted to do everything. Hell, I'm not even that dumb teenager/20-something who lived fearlessly and just DID stuff. I think something inside me went to sleep and I need to wake it up because at this point I'm just going through the motions of aging and living. I encounter a problem and deal with it but not with that hopeful reckless abandon I used to.

I mean look at that kid's crazy face.

I need to get that back. Or else I become Starbuck level screwed-up and I DO NOT want that. I don't think anyone does.

New Worst Nightmare

Just woke up from a new dream. Or should I say nightmare. Not sure where it came from. Maybe it was a weird combo from cold meds and ice cream consumption but it reaffirmed my decision to take off the year from women.
As most dreams, the part that scared me was fragmented and near the end. It was basically a lot of random scenes and things happening but what got me was the finale.
I was with one of my ex-girlfriends and she told me she was pregnant with MY KID.

Now, it wasn't the fact that I was having a child. I know logically that I'm not emotionally or financially prepared for that responsibility. Although I'm probably more equipped emotionally to raise another human being than I think and I truly believe I would make a good dad one day, I'm a broke dude living in my mother's basement. I would NEVER bring a baby into that sort of situation. And even with all that my main fear wasn't even anything I had listed.

No, my fear was having a kid with HER. I'm gonna preface what I'm about to say with this, all the ladies I have been involved with in a relationship or close to relationship form are generally good, decent human beings. They are caring and somewhat kind. BUT, most of them are a lil crazy. I'm not saying that's on them but I find myself attracted to women with issues or problems. As a matter of fact, nowadays when I find myself getting even a little bit emotionally attracted to a woman I pull back and ask myself "Sean, what's her issue?"
This is not to say that I'm perfect. Hell no. If you even read a post or two on this page you would know that is the furthest thing from reality. I just happen to attract similarly or more screwed-up individuals to me.
What made this dream worse for me was which young lady it was. Because even with all I just stated there are some former flames that I think I could raise a kid with without murdering each other or making the kid worse than either of us. Actually, I could probably name 3 or 4 women who, combined with me, could make a fully-functioning great member of society.

It was just this ONE.
I'm not going to say who it was, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this or even know this page exists.....ACTUALLY she might know because that crazy kinda stalker behavior is exactly one of the reasons this dream was so scary. I didn't help the situation with us but still the crazy was there and booty isn't enough to start a family off of.
So that's my nightmare. Just thought I would share. Don't tell my exes. And if you are someone I dated/hooked up with and think this is about you, it probably was.

TWEETYOURSIXTEENYEAROLDSELF

I just found out that #tweetyoursixteenyearoldself is a trending topic on Twitter. I have too much to tell my old self for 140 characters to work. Instead I just wrote a blog post for that kid. I would have included a pic for this but my scanner is playing games and I kinda looked like Dookie from The Wire in my yearbook pic. (Hey, we all were pretty funny looking as teens)
Here is just good advice for old me, new me, my future kids and maybe even you....

-observe what the world wants but don't try to fit in
-girls, ladies, females, women, chicas- you'll never understand. that doesn't mean not to try but don't kill yourself in the process. most of them aren't as complicated as they think anyway.
-being smart only goes so far
-being stupid goes even a shorter distance
-don't get a girlfriend just because your friends do
-follow your own path but also be like your friends, particularly in regards to a work ethic and especially that kid Eryan
-try harder, in everything
-you won't be a famous rapper or athlete; get creative
-anyway, you're gonna be angry at rappers in about a decade or so, so there's that
-ease up on your teachers. they have a tough job. maybe you'll find out more about it personally one day
-that girl you like? just ask her out. if you don't, you'll regret it. don't worry what people say. time goes by and people's memories are generally short. you'll only regret what you didn't do not what you did
-Oh, yeah. you'll feel this way about 2 to 3 other women at least. if she says no, it's not the end of the world. you'll survive
-you'll also meet girls you only kinda like and make out with them so that'll soften the blow a bit.
-being called Usher? USE IT.
-DON'T drink the tequila
-BAD WOLF (that's a geeky joke you'll get one frakkin'* day)
-Say what you feel and mean what you say
-Rock will be taller than you. by about a half foot. deal with it
-listen to Relle. sure she can be irritating now but she has been places you are going and has good advice
-most of the people you think are douchey now and you don't like probably won't be the same in a few years. give them a chance and the quiet ones too
-you won't be the same in a few years as well
-WARNING! some people who are douchey now are STILL douchey in 2010. figure out how to ask me and I'll give you the names.
-Try not to date girls with too many female friends. NEVER date a girl with NO female friends
-your dad may not be the best but he does have some okay advice sometimes
-DON'T give weapons to your little brother
-pay attention to the internet. it's gonna be huge. and annoying. and a time burglar
-By the way, Y2K? Bullshit.
-don't lie to impress people. it's cliche but be yourself. trust me it works
-move to Las Vegas for awhile. Or at last visit a lot and try to also live alone. it'll help you grow
-don't be afraid to be different but don't be different JUST to be different
-don't look for enemies or people to hate you. it sounds ridiculous but people in the future LOVE this. Yup, it's as silly as it sounds
-write down any idea you have. even if you think it's goofy. save it. look at it later
-keep drawing
-don't stop believing. not only a good song but good advice
-"Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and that then allows you to learn something new."
-that quote above is from Barack Obama. Our BLACK president. No shit. I swear to God, kid.
-don't be afraid to tell people you love 'em. it's not "gay"
-also, stop saying things are "gay". it's pretty immature and offensive. Do you really care what people do with their lives? No? That's what I thought. Let other people be happy. You'll have a lot of gay friends one day. And by the way, Doogie Howser? TOTALLY gay and HIGH-larious as hell. Trust me on this one. NPH is KING!
-sometimes it's okay to fight. just choose the right battles. just a tip- fight for people you care about? good. fights while drinking? bad.
-take up a hobby. maybe a sport
-don't be afraid- of failure, success or dogs
-try new things
-go to different places
-believe in something, even if it's just yourself


*you'll get this too